Taking Compliments

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I think accepting compliments is awkward for NTs as well as NDs.
If somebody compliments me, there are several courses of action I have to consider very quickly:
- give a compliment in return (but I won't if I don't have a genuine compliment for them)
- deny the compliment, or say something negative about myself to balance it out (this can annoy others though)
- say "thank you!" and leave it at that (my favourite, but it might seem cocky)

I've been given an additional role at work. I picked it up quickly, so the office manager was very complimentary to me. I awkwardly said sth. like "oh, thank you, you were good at training me though ". But she won't let it go. She keeps saying "I can't believe how well you've picked that up", "I don't think you realise what a big deal that is" etc., which is embarrassing. Today she looked at me until I made eye contact, and said "you're really smart aren't you? Are you clever?". I mean... what do you say to that? I actually wonder if she's not angling for some kind of ASD confirmation (I haven't disclosed autism at work); maybe since she's spent more time with me, and I've shown ability with data/computers etc. she's starting to get a kind of stereotypical aspie vibe from me? She's very nice to me (see the compliments above!) and she's a caring woman in general, but I am running out of things to mumble in response

Any advice (specific or otherwise) on how to take a compliment graciously?

You can say that you set high standards for yourself, but that you appreciate the compliment, anyway.

nod and smile. nod and smile...

Racheypie666, if it means anything, from reading your story, your feelings are completely natural.

To help you out, something I would have done would have being to think of 3 generic responses e.g "Thank you. I appreciate it", "Thanks, that's very kind of you" or, if they're complimenting your skills, "That's very encouraging". And then I'd just keep recycling those 3 lines, and nothing else, unless there really is something specific you felt like adding. I'd hope you trying that out would help you in showing appreciation without sounding cocky, and immediately knowing what to say.

Now if you get to the point where doing this starts to make you feel repetitive, then I'd hazard a guess that the other person (e.g your manager) is complimenting you far too frequently, which would make anyone feel awkward and uncomfortable, NT or not. Remember, just because you have autism does not mean you're always the one responsible for social awkwardness.

I am embarrassed by compliments and used to struggle with how to respond. What works for me is to say "Thank you" and leave it at that.

Sometimes people push the compliment too far and, because I have a bit of a sarcastic, smart ass personality, I will occasionally respond with "Yes, I am wonderful, aren't I?" This usually shuts them up.

Taking compliments has always been a major obstacle for me ever since I was a youth; I instinctively tend to shut them down with a self-deprecating comment and, as has been mentioned, that's usually the most annoying thing you can do.

In response to the OP's question, there's really nothing wrong or cocky about just saying "thank you" to a compliment, especially if you don't know how else to respond.

I have trouble with compliments, too. Real ones make me uncomfortable, because they embarrass me. However, most compliments thrown my way are actually attempts to manipulate me into behavior patterns that are not normal for me, so I resent the manipulation, and the compliment that goes with it. Once in a while I do things that relatives approve of, and then they compliment me, in the hope that, like a dog, I will jump for the "treat" again, and again, and eventually always do what they approve of. I am not a dog, and don't care if people approve of me or not. Most of the time what I get is criticism, and I don't like being criticized, but I won't jump through hoops to "win" people's approval. If you like me, fine. If you don't like me, so what?! Since they prefer to criticize me, they don't get to see or talk to me much, as I see no reason to waste time on visits or phone calls with people who don't approve of me.

I do not understand compliments.

I mean, I would like to know when I am doing something right, like at school or work. But, I do not understand getting compliments meant (to make me feel good?).

I hear a compliment like, "I love your service dog; he is so well behaved!", and I think, "Why are you saying this? Do you want him yourself? Too bad, I need him!" Of course, I say nothing other than, "Thanks?"

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31st of July, 2013
Diagnosed: Autism Spectrum Disorder, Auditory-Verbal Processing Speed Disorder, and Visual-Motor Processing Speed Disorder.

Weak Emerging Social Communicator (The Social Thinking-­Social Communication Profile by Michelle Garcia Winner, Pamela Crooke and Stephanie Madrigal)

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