Social Skills/Rules Learned The Hard Way, Not Intuitively?

Page 2 of 3 [ 35 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3  Next

auntblabby
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 114,569
Location: the island of defective toy santas

12 Sep 2016, 4:25 am

ben franklin's sage advice has never done me wrong, as long as I remembered to use it- "keep silent and as a fool be thought, than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt".



kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

12 Sep 2016, 7:40 am

One thing I hate: people trying to "shut me up."

Ben Franklin has the right idea, though, in some ways.



auntblabby
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 114,569
Location: the island of defective toy santas

12 Sep 2016, 4:08 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
Ben Franklin has the right idea, though, in some ways.


can you tell me what are the ways?



DataB4
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 May 2016
Age: 39
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,744
Location: U.S.

12 Sep 2016, 9:57 pm

If I'm really in a rotten mood, it's usually better to stay quiet until I can either find someone that won't mind me venting, or get my emotions under better control.



auntblabby
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 114,569
Location: the island of defective toy santas

12 Sep 2016, 10:06 pm

DataB4 wrote:
If I'm really in a rotten mood, it's usually better to stay quiet until I can either find someone that won't mind me venting, or get my emotions under better control.
what do you think of the phrase "soft words turneth away wrath"?



DataB4
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 May 2016
Age: 39
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,744
Location: U.S.

13 Sep 2016, 10:09 am

I agree, and I also find that it helps both me and the other person when I focus on common ground and on what I like about that person. I won't use fake praise, but if I think about it, there are a lot of genuinely nice things I can say.



CatLady53
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

Joined: 9 Sep 2016
Gender: Female
Posts: 53

13 Sep 2016, 3:19 pm

plootark wrote:
When a woman mentions in passing that she is fat, she is not actually looking for diet and exercise advice (a topic I can go into great detail about).


:lol: I had so much difficulty with this one! I am supposed to comment if someone loses weight but how can I if I don't notice? I just can't tell if someone has gained/lost weight, I can't even remember what their face looks like half the time.



DataB4
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 May 2016
Age: 39
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,744
Location: U.S.

02 Jan 2017, 5:13 pm

A woman in one of my groups told a story about how she teared up at work. When she tried to leave the scene, several people followed her. I said, without really thinking it through: "That's obnoxious!" Everyone laughed, and they said that the people following were trying to be caring. The woman said she felt more emotional after this caring reaction, so I said something about wanting to be alone in situations like that. There was some agreement and an interesting comment: "People need to care. They don't think about how it feels for her." I found the whole exchange interesting and thought I'd share.



auntblabby
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 114,569
Location: the island of defective toy santas

02 Jan 2017, 5:15 pm

^^^^that sound like a mutually illuminating informational exchange you had with your group. :idea:



DataB4
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 May 2016
Age: 39
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,744
Location: U.S.

02 Jan 2017, 5:20 pm

Yeah, that's what I thought also. Even though people laughed at my comment to start, I don't think there was any lasting harm done, just a shareable moment for WP.



auntblabby
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 114,569
Location: the island of defective toy santas

02 Jan 2017, 5:33 pm

^^^^^ :wtg:



Moo Moo
Butterfly
Butterfly

Joined: 5 Jan 2017
Age: 47
Gender: Female
Posts: 11
Location: Newcastle

05 Jan 2017, 6:08 pm

I'm reading all of these responses and laughing AND crying! I have done pretty much every one of these! Isn't navigating the social world of NT's crazy!? They ask questions that they don't want honest responses to and say meaningless sentences such as 'I'm always there for you', well no actually I rang and rang and you didn't like it and told me to stop! Sometimes I wonder why we bother? If I could go back and give advice to my younger self I'd say: be yourself and don't worry what others think and always remember not to take NT's literally. They don't know what they are saying :)



Lucywlf
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 22 Jun 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 450

05 Jan 2017, 10:13 pm

If you have to work up some anger to be able to do a thing, like call an agency, you shouldn't make the call at all, even if it is the only way you can keep from being to frightened to make the call in the first place. People don't understand; they just hate you. You might as well give up on being able to take care of your own affairs.
And by "you" I mean me.



AngryAngryAngry
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

Joined: 11 Feb 2016
Age: 47
Gender: Male
Posts: 496
Location: New Zealand

06 Jan 2017, 9:44 pm

Yeah, advice is a trap for me. And I've fallen into if many times. Mostly to females.
Now I have an air of indifference. Not because I don't care. But it's easier, if someone asks me, then I do give advice.
I just don't want to bother with all that stuff. This my efficient way of dealing with it.
I can't deal with anothers problems, unless I know I can try to solve it for them (and that is rarely the case, most people just want to vent).
I'll listen if someone is telling me stuff. But only comment if they ask me what I think.
I use niceties, to show I'm listening. But often file it away as "background music".

Your advice is spot on though, for those that wish to attempt this.



TheOtherMaidOfTarth
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

Joined: 3 Aug 2016
Gender: Female
Posts: 50

12 Jan 2017, 1:58 pm

Even if it's tempting to spill your soul time and time again, don't.


_________________
No longer on WP


Here
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jun 2012
Age: 61
Gender: Male
Posts: 379
Location: California

15 Apr 2017, 3:46 pm

Personally, I must say, social-skills and rules were learned "the hard way" early-on (to say the least). I quickly learned intuitively, as well as by osmosis (from both advice, and "real-world" examples) later-on, up to the present! Yet, active participation in anything beyond small-talk still remains a challenge.

It must be mentioned, "When in Rome, do as the Romans do!"

Here is a post on small-talk: 'Small Talk: First Conversations vs. Subsequent Conversations.'
viewtopic.php?f=7&t=318389