Why am i so off putting?

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Naturally I'm a very black and white person, blunt and to the point. Fb is a disaster for me most days. I make a sarcastic comment, and people think I'm a red neck white supremacist trump supporter, when really I'm making fun of both sides. Bankers rule this country,not politicians. And to me, thinking one or the other will have a huge change on anything, regardless of what's between their legs, is a waste of time. I see it like that. Other people want to immediately start an argument and label me as a bigot. I'm tired of the fem Nazis who ignore everything hillary has done. I point out anything she has done and I'm a trump supporter. I feel he is just as evil. But you can't f*****g bring it up.
Is it because being an aspie, how our mind works, we just go over people's heads? I don't feel as if I'm a quantum physicist by any means, although the majority of people I encounter I feel are dumb as dirt. Not to be condescending but to be honest. I feel I don't have anyone to talk to. Every topic I bring up just instantly radicalizes a person to one extreme view or the other without any intelligent conversation.
I don't know where to go to find people to talk to. I don't care about the cowboys playing football at the moment. I'm not one of "them". I just want to have people I can talk to.

why don't you just associate with other aspies? I don't even bother with NT people anymore. I meet other aspies in support groups, at the library, in bookstores, and museums. They stand out like a sore thumb to me now. It's so easy when you are with your own neuro-people. You actually get to have a social life without the horrible pressure of the NT world. If you choose to be with the wrong people and try to live in their world, you will be miserable for the rest of your life. I wish I knew this 40 years ago.

I guess I'm going to have to. Idk where to look. I guess I so strongly wanted to fit in with everyone I didn't think I was too different. But I just start crap, un intentionally, and everyone hates me. Where would be the best place to try and meet people or find aspire? This place?

Humans are primates, and a lot of human behavior is just primate behavior, grouping people into tribes, and then defending your tribe while attacking other tribes. When I first started learning about aspies I thought they were generally immune to that kind of primate tribalism, but after spending time here at WP I know that isn't true. There may be some who are immune to it, but that's only a subset.

Do you know your Myers-Briggs personality type? That's also very informative about the types of people you will generally fit in with (or not fit in with). Try the survey here and see what you get:

http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp

Yes I'm an INTJ

Well howdy, brother.

And I can tell you, that's your problem right there.

Haha howdy back at ya. A counselor told me to take it. I stopped seeing her because I want an official diagnosis and I guess I need to see a psychologist. But why would me being an INTJ be my problem? Lol I feel dumb. I don't understand people. What I say that's offputting or why I even am offputting. I feel I'm different and need an interpreter to function in society.

Yes, I agree exactly with everything. Though I'm not quite a supporter of either side and I like to stay politically centrist I have shared my views and criticisms of both sides and I've gotten heavy criticism. I mean, that's fine, freedom of speech allows it, but they aren't even arguments they're just empty insults and criticisms which don't really make sense most of the time. I'm either an "ignorant" conservative or an "idiotic" liberal according to anyone who I talk to, and I don't know how I can be both when I really just want to be neither. I am respectful of the beliefs and opinions of either side, especially if it is a logical coherent argument which convinces me to vote for either, but it's rarely that.

I also want people who I can talk to. They are very few but there are some where I am. Oftentimes I have a single friend who likes the same sort of stuff I do (which isn't really hard, I like physics and that's it) but they get more popular and move on and I'm left with a bunch of people who I can't communicate with.

"Every topic I bring up just instantly radicalizes a person to one extreme view or the other without any intelligent conversation." I can't agree more.

"The majority of people I encounter I feel are dumb as dirt." I also agree here. I feel this way a lot of times.

Your reply is how I expect everyone to reply. I assume they'll be intelligent and address each point or issue that's brought up. Because...why wouldn't you, right? Hahaha. But as I'm finding out now, I more than likely have aspergers and this place is the only place where, so far, people make sense. I guess I can't expect the general public or anyone not on this site to react the way I intend. Meaning, I feel this place would pick up on my dry sarcasm than ostricize me. Can we be best friends? Haha. I live in Texas. So the odds of finding intelligent conversation is slim to none. Damn bible belt.

Well, you (or your OP, at least) is off-putting to me because of the implications of your using a term that is used to express dismissal of and hostility towards legitimate ideas. I don't know how you tend to express yourself, but careless or ignorant use of loaded terms may play a factor.

But speaking about your situation more generally, you may find it relevant to consider that the normies communicate largely to form and maintain social bonds. Your motivations for conversation therefore put you in the minority, and opens up your expression to interpretation as unconducive to forming/maintaining social bonds. That upsets people. Rather than interpreting your behavior as exploration of an idea, they may interpret it as provocation, for example.

Also, what a previous poster said about tribalism. People often don't get into discussions to explore ideas, learn new things, or for similar purely intellectual reasons. They get into them to express emotions, to antagonize, to play at their social hierarchy games. And even when they do get into discussions for intellectual reasons, there is a limit to their devotion to the truth, civility, and so forth; for example, they will be willing to discuss the pros and cons of a religious ideology so long as no one questions the existence of the deity on which the religion is based.

Because people often don't have a lot of purely intellectual interest, they tend to have poor critical thinking skills, which can make them seem "stupid." But the distinction between the inability to think clearly and honestly and the disinclination to do so is important given the difference in social motivation I mentioned above.

Apparently a lot of what I say provokes a lot of people. I say what I say in the sense of the saying"break a leg" to actors. You don't say good luck and jinx them, so you say the opposite. Its funny and people know what you mean. I assume people get that, but not so much I am realizing.

Of course you would be offended. I used the word fem nazi, not in an ignorant way by any means. I used it to describe feminist who just wanna start s**t and get offended by everything on the internet. I by no means am trying to put women down. But make a sarcastic joke that's obviously wrong to say out loud and that's why it's funny. If you take it seriously that's not my fault. I'm not into getting political because there's no point. We are an oligarchy so our opinions don't matter.
I am not trying to put women down by any means. But when someone can't take a joke and unloads on me for whatever reason, I couldnt care less. I'm not saying all women or feminist are evil. Just as you describe someone as a grammar nazi, same concept except of someone being concerned with women's rights and actually doing something about it, they just b***h on fb and pick fights for no reason, or like you said for social games. I am not trying to condone Nazis or say that feminist are one in the same. And the fact that I have to explain it just goes to show how sensitive everyone is. Am I spreading hate or just trying to make a joke? The answer is joke...
Does anyone watch Bill Hicks or George Carlin? Nowadays theyd probably be too politically incorrect. Thank God for Dave Chappelle.

"Break a leg" seems to have no connection whatsoever to the term "fem Nazi" or anything else you've said, so I've no idea what you are talking about.


Get what? That's it's funny and people know what you mean? Those aren't things people get (as in understand), those are things people experience. Them not finding what you say funny doesn't necessarily represent a lack of understanding. People have different ideas about humor, and they can't read your mind.


Well, the fact that you ignored the reason I gave for why it's offensive and instead keep going on and on about your not putting women down and not condoning Nazism suggests that you do use it out of ignorance. Or that you just don't pay attention.


Ok, but did anyone accuse you of that? Why do you mention it?


I've no idea why you would defend something and then say that it's "obviously wrong." I also don't know if you mean "you" as in me specifically, or people in general, but not taking responsibility for how your words are interpreted is one possible cause of being off-putting.


Why are you talking about it so much if you don't care? Why are you here asking about being off-putting?


Seems like you don't know what "grammar nazi" means.


You don't have to explain it. No one in this thread has accused you of condoning Nazism. You brought this up yourself. Has anyone ever accused you of condoning Nazism? Same with your repeatedly mentioning that you aren't trying to "put women down." Maybe part of your problem is not paying attention to what people are actually saying to you.

If you're an INTJ, being an Introvert right away places you in a social minority, since most people in the general population are extroverts and they are often suspicious of introverts. You might think being iNtuitive would be helpful, but aspieness can tend to cancel that positive effect out: you end up intuitive about intellectual problems, but not about people. As primates, lots of people act based on Feeling rather than Thinking, and then you/we are also naturally Judgmental, so when you as a TJ run up against someone who functions as an FJ, watch out.

You don't have to explain it. No one in this thread has accused you of condoning Nazism. You brought this up yourself. Has anyone ever accused you of condoning Nazism? Same with your repeatedly mentioning that you aren't trying to "put women down." Maybe part of your problem is not paying attention to what people are actually saying to you.


For the most part, I've been understood. I had fb go off on me because they thought I was a trump supporter. I'm not a supporter of politics whatsoever.

I was just trying to be as clear as humanly possible because I just want to discuss why INTJs are f****d socially and not argue about slang. I apologize for the long explanation. Just trying to avoid any argument from any angle so we can just keep talking.

I'm just now realizing I'm an aspie... :/ it explains a lot but makes me sad. I just want to have friends and be part of the whole. But as soon as I try...I fail and realize the whole/group is going nowhere fast. I don't want to make anyone mad here. So far it seems I'm surrounded by like minded people, for the most part. And I'm realizing I come off harsh. I feel fake if I'm not me. But I'm just too blunt and ass most of the time.

I wish we could all have our own island.

Grammar nazi. Someone who criticises grammar on social media. Someone is talking about an issue, then someone makes a huge deal about how they miss used "their".

Fem nazi. Feminist who isn't concerned about equality as much as she wants to project an image of female superiority at every chance she gets and has no sense of humor. Much like your self. Some Bill Hicks should do you wonders.

Last edited by Shahunshah on 16 Jan 2017, 11:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.