Wanting friends, yet avoiding people

Post Reply New Topic

It's been quite some time since i've posted anything, 5 or 6 months i believe?
Anyways, quick life update: nothing's getting better and i only feel worse with each day. I still can't hold interest in anything and i'm behind in school. fun stuff.
The reason for me making this post however is to talk about something that's been on my mind.
A few days ago I was reflecting my social life in my old schools. I'd sometimes have friends who would try to talk and hang out with me, but despite them showing clear interest, I'd stay away from them.
You'd think that someone showing interested in me would be a good thing, but it only makes me want to avoid them. It's kind of strange.
I think the reason for it is because being friends with someone requires you to spend a lot of time with them, which is something i usually can't do. I occasionally need the attention but generally I like being by myself. Not to mention it's completely draining and exhausts me for the rest of the day, it may even go into a few days after that as well.
The reason i do not talk about high school experiences is because, as some of you may or may not know, I am online schooled. I don't have nearly as much social interaction. A lot might have changed since then, but it's hard to tell.
And the usual ending question, can anyone relate? How do you deal with this?

I can relate. I sometimes have dreams of being popular, but then I realize how much work it would be and how much I would have to interact with people. I am just more comfortable hanging out by myself or with my wife. A lot of times we just hang out and do our own thing, but being together is comforting.

I want friends, but I want to avoid them too. I really think some people want friends that really understand them, I have Asperger, but less people to talk to that understand me & my Asperger, I'm not even comfortable talking to my family.

there's moments of intense loneliness and pain that makes me want to scream for a friend and someone to talk to. but then those moments pass, and i'm left with general apathy for any kind of friendship or social interaction. it's gotten to the point where when those intense moments of solitude hit me, i just tell myself that it's just a brief moment of pain, and i usually crawl in my bed to sleep to make it pass. then it passes and i'm back to normalcy.

it's a bad thing, being like this, and i realize it. but i don't know if i'm willing to change.