Think I may be wasting mine and everyone else's time

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So I have been putting in effort with social skills, both here and out in the real world.
It's been an experiment of sorts. I've been trying my absolute upmost to act human, and observing the results.
I have been doing what I understood to be correct - on here it has been replying to posts especially if no one else has, because I have been told it damages others to feel "ignored" or as if "no one cares." So responding was intended to prevent that. I have been careful to always be helpful and positive as far as I saw it, and suggest ways in which the problems expressed could be solved. I have also tried to respond directly to people instead of just answering the question, and remember what people have raised before.
Out in life it has been taking care to be cooperative, cheerful, easy-going and helpful to people, making sure I assist them with whatever is going on so as to make their life easier, and also pushing myself to interact more, going to places where social skills are required but that I could still handle (so, interest groups with a focus and structure, classes or courses to learn skills or interests, etc). I have also taken a LOT of trouble to keep my more controversial sides hidden, like the autism and transsexuality, because I know that makes people uncomfortable.
But it hasn't worked and I think I may just be wasting my time and everyone else's by continuing in the effort.
Two things have been happening - one, people still dislike me, and I can't understand why that is if I have been doing everything correctly. If I ask, people either deny they dislike me and assure me they do, or refuse to answer. I had wondered if it was the effect alexithymics can often have, that we "creep people out." If so there's not much I can do about that aside from what I have been trying to do, which is develop and understand emotions more. I can see others making connections and friendships with other people, but never me.
The second thing is people end up treating me badly and I realize that what I intended to be friendly and approachable (again, because I had been previously told I come across as "cold" so I was conscious of altering that) might be coming across as incapable or weak, because people end up walking all over me, treating me like an intellectually disabled child, and I then think it's too "impolite" to tell them to stop it or that once you have established a genial front, you cannot go back to being reserved when people encroach too far.
My efforts, obviously, aren't working. I'm messing it up as usual and getting it all wrong. And I suspect what I have thought to be helpful may actually have been damaging or annoying or some other regard I don't understand to others, so me continuing to do it when I think I'm doing well just makes me even worse to deal with for the other person.
I have no way of knowing how others are perceiving me or what I'm doing wrong, because no one tells you this to your face in a constructive way - the only time they'll tell you is in an argument and I have been told people often say things that are untrue or they don't mean when they are angry so that's hardly reliable either.
In a way I don't know why I bother - I have never had and don't require friends. I had just thought learning to interact with others better might lead to interesting situations, activities or ideas, and access to other things outside of my own influence. For others, since they benefit from social contact, I had hoped maybe they could get some enjoyment out of a contact with me in return.
But this hasn't worked, yet again. It never seemed to work even among autistic people when I had autism therapies designed to try and get people like me to function better. Even people who seemed to be more impaired than me were able to do it, and I wasn't. People just don't respond well to me, whether online or offline.
So, I'm thinking it may just be time to stop trying. Other areas of life are in disarray - it might be a better strategy to direct my attention to those areas, and stop putting so much time and effort into trying to work on the social aspect. Because it IS an effort. I have to think about and double check these things a lot.
If I stopped trying with this for a while, and restricted the effort only to the functional basis of social interaction required to work successfully (work being difficult for me and hard to maintain) I wouldn't be taking anything away from others, but wouldn't be taking up the energy from myself which I could direct elsewhere. Just stop being on here or attending social situations.
It might be better to stop trying for a while until I can understand better, than to keep repeating mistakes over and over.

People SUCK! It sounds to me like you're putting a ton of effort in completely shutting down who you are for some idealized version that you believe people will find more appealing. That will NEVER be sustained, I personally have learned to moderate who I am to be somewhat socially acceptable. You are not the only person with these traits so find the right people and start with them. It's a ton of trial and error but it can be fun and rewarding if you stick with it. Remember PEOPLE SUCK and best of luck!

Thanks for writing this - I can relate to so much of what you said here. (And I admire you for making such an effort to improve your real-life social skills as well, which I don't bother with!)

What strikes me is that you're trying really hard to be someone that you're not. And succeeding to a great extent, but it's exhausting, and you can't keep that up forever, without burning out.

It could be that trying to play cheerleader is not your strong point (as I'm coming to realize it's not mine). And this is okay; people have different gifts, and your true strength might lie in a different direction.

I used to be neurotic about making sure I replied to every single person who was having a hard time, because I felt it was so important to let them know that someone was listening, and cared about their problems. But in my case I've come to realize, I'm just so awful at it, it's better to leave that to people who have a higher level of natural empathy.

I think you're falling into the trap of people-pleasing, and for your own sanity you need to limit your efforts. Maybe just reply to threads that have gone unanswered for a while, so people aren't completely ignored, but if others are fielding the issue, and you have nothing earth-shattering to add, it's okay to let it go.

In any case, I appreciated the points you brought up here, because I have a formulaic, rule-based approach to socializing as well, and sometimes we have to analyze our formula, and make changes when it's not working!

I like seeing you on here. And kind of look forward to your posts. They're usually worth reading.
I also tend to creep people out pretty often, it makes it even more difficult. (I need to study up on alexithymia, as I'm pretty sure it's something I deal with to some extent as well.)
I've also done some experiments in social interaction, with mixed results. Some of them good, most of them confusing. I think that trying to appreciate small victories can go a long way. And trying to remember not to sweat the small stuff, which is not easy for me at all. I think that specific goals can help to.
Social interaction, people in general, are just exhausting. "The sage takes care of the belly first". In anything, try not to stretch yourself to thin, give too much of yourself away. How much is enough, how much is not enough, how much is too much? It's all stuff I have to work on, too.
I think that to stop trying until you can better understand may not get you any new understanding.
People react however they react. Sometimes (usually) I have to just ignore what I think they might think about me and why they might think it. A lot of people seem not to like me, even when I make great effort to be really nice. When it comes down to it, it doesn't matter what they think. What they think most likely doesn't scratch the surface of who and what I am. I know the level of my genuine goodness and my genuine badness. And all of that is probably none of their business.
And most of the time I think it's good to keep a kind of punk rock mentality, "I don't give a f@#* what they think!" I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I couldn't just be who I am.

I'm really, really scattered today. Tired.
But I wanted to say something. Maybe there's some morsel of wisdom in there somewhere that you might find useful. Or if nothing else, maybe I'm just trying to say I feel like I can relate. Things suck sometimes, and I wish I knew what to tell you.

You're probably more appreciated here than you realise, C2V. I've seen your posts and found your point of view interesting on many issues; you've especially opened my eyes to some of the problems facing people with non-binary gender, alexithymia and speech difficulties.
I've never responded to your posts before because I've not experienced those issues myself (I'm almost embarrassed to be here because my autistic traits are really mild) so I didn't feel I had much advice to offer you.
Sometimes with other people the tone of their post clearly indicates a need for emotional support, and others will respond with virtual hugs (or kittens), and I guess your posts don't exactly have that kind of tone. And maybe we're not exactly sure if you'd appreciate a hug or not. It's hard to know what you're needing and how best to respond, and if you're wanting advice from someone in a similar situation, there probably aren't that many in a position to give it.
I don't think there's anything more to it than that.
Hope you'll stick around.

I've never considered reading your posts to be a waste of my time. If a thread interests me, but there is a lot to read in little time, you are among the forum members who's posts I keep an eye out for, as they are highly likely to be considerate, frank, clearly presented and free from dogma and sensationalism. Your posts about alexithymia have been particularly interesting to me, as its an aspect of myself that I've only recently begun exploring, and it is a hard to describe state which is not talked about here as much as many other traits.

I think it's natural that posts which are more neutral (for want of a better word) don't elicit the hugs and hearts that more emotive posts do, but that doesn't mean that they don't have their place or are unappreciated. I think they're the kind of viewpoints that help people in the longer term, after the neuro-transmitter rush of receiving sympathy has done its job (and I'm glad that there are people here who are good at that, because I'm not.) If the significance of a post is not seen by the reader immediately, it's understandable that they might forget to thank the right person, if they can even remember the source of the information at all. I'm not trying to suggest that your posts are unsympathetic, just that if hugs and hearts don't come naturally to you, there is no imperative to express that, as other kinds of help can be equally valuable, even if the appreciation for them is less visible.

Interesting point about the hugs and hearts... I actually do feel comfortable using them, but I've learned that it annoys some people, so I've tried to learn to 'use my words' instead (which I'm not so good at, when it comes to expressing emotions).

It's all so complicated, and I'm baffled as to how people figure out who wants hugs and hearts, who just wants to vent without judgment, and who is open to advice. Sometimes I feel like my choices are (a) empty platitudes, (b) unwanted advice, or (c) sharing my own similar experiences, thus 'making it about me'.

I'm probably overanalyzing though, and maybe it's not as impossibly confusing as it feels.

I would just ignore them.

C2V where did you go? Come back!

Yeah...come back.

You're a valued member here.