Can people just automatically sense if you are on spectrum?
Personally, no- not usually. I guess it depends on how functioning they are. During school I knew a few autistic people, and my mind didn't just automatically go "Oh, they must be autistic".
In fact, there were times when I found out that someone I knew was autistic, and previously I had no idea or suspicion.
One girl in particular shocked our class when she revealed that she had an autism diagnosis. She was outgoing, talkative, chipper, and didn't seem to struggle socially at all. That's why it was such a surprise. I never would've guessed that she had a diagnosis. She didn't strike me as different at all, just your average teenage girl. I thought she was NT for most of school, most people did until she told people.
However, there were autistic people at our school that were somewhat odd as well.
There was a boy who was further down the spectrum, so he had a reputation of being quite odd. My impression of him was that he was somewhat clingy and had odd body language, I assumed that he was shy/nervous and perhaps a little inept, so when I found out he had autism it made sense to me, although if I hadn't heard about his diagnosis then I would've thought he was just slightly oblivious.
Another boy I knew was quiet, reserved, calculating, and always hung out with his best friend. I always assumed he was just a quiet nerd, and I could respect that. He always had a very matter of fact voice, and was quite straight forward. They didn't speak much, but whenever they did, he was usually fairly intelligent.
Turned out he had autism, it surprised me but it soon just became another fact of life, and everyone just moved on with their days once they found out.
My friends sometimes hung out with this autistic guy, and he liked to insult the boy who was lower functioning because most people made fun of the lower functioning kid, and he didn't want to be associated with him, probably out of a fear that he might get bullied too.
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SilverProteus
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Well, I'm no therapist or expert so I can only go off the diagnosis really. *Shrug*
She seemed to post of lot of videos on processing sensory information, maybe her issues were more based on that rather than socially? Or maybe she did struggle socially, I didn't know her that well, so I'm only going off whenever I was around her, and the impressions I got.
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ScarletIbis
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I sometimes correctly deduce “this person may be on the spectrum” with varying certainty. I once saw someone that was maybe on the spectrum but I wouldn’t go place my bets. I have also seen some people that I would highly consider autistic.
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Please understand that everything I write should be read with a grain of salt because I frequently adjust my views based on new information (just read a description of INTP that should explain better than I)
I still believe that NT women are better at detecting ASD/HFA males, I really had to conceal and overcome my challenges and stigmatized oddities to regularly date them. And I am married to an introverted woman, with intellectual interests, who I'd describe as a "mild NT".
Trouble with a super-extroverted woman is she'd introduce us to all her friends, and guaranteed that a good number of them would "sniff us out" and badmouth us, then...game over.
I think its like you said they sense something is off. I have a few personal ideas as to why people feel this way.
1. Communication is a two-way street
I believe that when we communicate we send off “vibes.” If for some reason we are uncertain about something, analyzing, and trying to respond they can sort of tell. When I first meet people, the first thing I am scanning for is-
Is this person safe?
does there body language match what they are saying?
Eye contact
Time of response to in conversation
level of confidence
If it doesn’t then maybe they're trying to hide something
And even if it does but my gut says something is wrong then I will most likely avoid them
2. Our timing in responding to communication
I don’t know about you but I have a slight delay. I have sensory problems and I get a little anxious so before responding in a social setting I have to slow down my thinking to appropriately reciprocate. This can be off-putting to someone who does not have an aspie's mindset. They can’t empathize they want a fast and smooth response. This can lead for them to feel like they will have to do more work to make this conversation a little less awkward.
3. Level of uncertainty
I am a very conscientious person. I am aware that I am socially clumsy. So that puts me a little over the edge. One thing I've given myself permission to do is to lie when it is appropriate to do so. For example, when someone is trying to hurt me or trying to get personal information they have no business getting or to protect a friend or family member. This is an area of uncertainty for me. I am very honest so that means I consciously have to remind myself to match the body language with the facial expression the person is expecting. Which can lead two things either the person distrust my character or (If I am lying then they are probably bullies/ people with problems) they have just scented my social inexperience.
Other conditions that bring about uncertainty:
Trying to socially respond in context to what my social partner is talking about
Is my Eye contact appropriate?
How does this person view me?
Did I prepare a script for this specific situation?
And even though I feel I delivered my message correctly sometimes even then I feel that they still feel something is off. Possibly because they can sense a level of calculation it's not natural to an NT.
Disclaimer- I responded in a way that I believe an NT would think in some of my explanation. I don't judge people only based on body language, I know better than that.
Just to say I hope I'm not judged for my pretty bad grammar. English is not my first language.
One more question, do people perceive you to come off as arrogant? I’ve been told that sometimes I come off that way. This can cause people to judge us before a conversation has even started.
Anyways, there are probably a million reasons to why people can feel the autism. I hope that my response is somewhat validating.
1. Communication is a two-way street
I believe that when we communicate we send off “vibes.” If for some reason we are uncertain about something, analyzing, and trying to respond they can sort of tell. When I first meet people, the first thing I am scanning for is-
Is this person safe?
does there body language match what they are saying?
Eye contact
Time of response to in conversation
level of confidence
If it doesn’t then maybe they're trying to hide something
And even if it does but my gut says something is wrong then I will most likely avoid them
2. Our timing in responding to communication
I don’t know about you but I have a slight delay. I have sensory problems and I get a little anxious so before responding in a social setting I have to slow down my thinking to appropriately reciprocate. This can be off-putting to someone who does not have an aspie's mindset. They can’t empathize they want a fast and smooth response. This can lead for them to feel like they will have to do more work to make this conversation a little less awkward.
3. Level of uncertainty
I am a very conscientious person. I am aware that I am socially clumsy. So that puts me a little over the edge. One thing I've given myself permission to do is to lie when it is appropriate to do so. For example, when someone is trying to hurt me or trying to get personal information they have no business getting or to protect a friend or family member. This is an area of uncertainty for me. I am very honest so that means I consciously have to remind myself to match the body language with the facial expression the person is expecting. Which can lead two things either the person distrust my character or (If I am lying then they are probably bullies/ people with problems) they have just scented my social inexperience.
Other conditions that bring about uncertainty:
Trying to socially respond in context to what my social partner is talking about
Is my Eye contact appropriate?
How does this person view me?
Did I prepare a script for this specific situation?
And even though I feel I delivered my message correctly sometimes even then I feel that they still feel something is off. Possibly because they can sense a level of calculation it's not natural to an NT.
Disclaimer- I responded in a way that I believe an NT would think in some of my explanation. I don't judge people only based on body language, I know better than that.
Just to say I hope I'm not judged for my pretty bad grammar. English is not my first language.
One more question, do people perceive you to come off as arrogant? I’ve been told that sometimes I come off that way. This can cause people to judge us before a conversation has even started.
Anyways, there are probably a million reasons to why people can feel the autism. I hope that my response is somewhat validating.
I think a lot of our hesitancy and awkwardness comes from the attendant bullying that came with ASD/HFA, which can sometimes be relentless until we get away from our tormentor for good. So we become subconsciously cynical, our confidence shaken - both in self and in others - and that manifests in our approach. Which, ironically to our interlocutor, can seem irrational - but it's a highly rational response to our experience.
We really don't get the credit we deserve for our struggles. Not that we're asking for pity, but just in principle.
Because let's face it - if we grew up more surrounded by people who genuinely wanted to help us, and give us more positive incentives for social interaction, we likely wouldn't continue to have this uneasy response to others. So a lot of our success by the time we reach adulthood is based on luck (not all, but some for sure).
auntblabby
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auntblabby
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Posts: 114,555
Location: the island of defective toy santas
auntblabby
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Gender: Male
Posts: 114,555
Location: the island of defective toy santas
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