I don't know what to talk about with other people

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ck990
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Age: 28
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25 Aug 2018, 1:52 pm

"I don't know what to talk about with other people" is a statement that follows my entire life. And this muteness is the 1# reason why I fail in social interaction.

I am 22 years old aspie.

I was the quietest person in elementary school and high school.

I am introverted and a minority of people in both elementary school and high school have complained that I "don't talk enough".

I am not quiet because I want to be quiet, because I have selective mutism, because I'm a potential serial killer or because I am shy.

People have attributed rudeness, shyness and serial killer vibes to me. What they don't understand is that its a part of my character. Yes I wish to be gregarious like others but I am socially handicapped.

I am a quiet introverted person who desires social interaction and friendships.

I often dream of being an extrovert, because its so psychologically draining to talk to neurotypicals. They are social vampires. After a few conversations I feel drained of my energy and want to do something else instead of talking.
But in reality, introvert cannot become an extrovert. You can't change your introversion no matter how much you try.

When I'm in human company, I don't talk unless I have something to say or when I have a inspiration.

For example when I am at work, I might talk only on Wednesday with my coworker group, but not talk on other days in a week.

I am often confused and in disbelief how its easy for other people to hold long conversations while I can't.

Its so hard for me to find a topic for conversation and when I do the conversation is too short.

I hate small talk, and I don't understand why do people talk for the sake of talking. I don't talk for the sake of talking. I only talk when I have something to say.

I don't avoid other people, I want to talk them, but words won't come out of my mouth. I enjoy long and meaningful conversations with other people, not pointless small talk.

I try to think of something in my head. What could we talk about? But nothing comes out from my mind.

My social life is like being a diver who moves towards a school of fish (neurotypicals). When the diver gets close to them, the school of fish goes away from the diver. The same thing is with neurotypicals, they either ignore you or go away from you.


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MrsPeel
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26 Aug 2018, 5:17 am

Yes, this resonates with me.
When I see people holding a deep conversation, experiencing that type of connection that I can never get close to, I feel an intense mix of frustration, sadness and jealousy.

I tell you what, though, you express yourself superbly in writing :)



PhoenixFalcon
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28 Aug 2018, 1:26 am

I've been through what you have. I'd suggest putting in effort to find people who think similarly to you. Think of what your interests are, and see if there are any groups devoted to it within your community. Alternatively, find an online community, where you don't have to worry about not knowing what to say in the moment. Indeed, you seem to have a good grasp of the written word, that might be perfect for you.


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