Difficulty expressing/explaining myself

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I’m really not sure where else to post this subject, and in spite of having searched pretty extensively, I haven’t found it mentioned anywhere else, so here seems as good a place as any. I guess I really need to know that I’m not alone in this struggle.

I have massive difficulty in expressing and explaining myself. Not because I’m somehow incapable or lack the appropriate vocabulary. In fact, it’s an actively imposed deficit of vocabulary that is causing the struggle. As an undiagnosed child (a profoundly strange one at that) I was often asked to explain myself. I developed a rich and vast vocabulary in an effort to do this as precisely and accurately as possible. Which served me well enough in the home environment (more or less) but has caused me no end of trouble out in the real world. It would seem that the majority of people no likey them big words. I’m constantly trying to moderate everything I say and switch for more basic language - which I find immensely frustrating as this does not truly convey my meaning. Even the massively tweaked rendition of my day to day speech is deemed far too elaborate, and the substitution words I’m having to use are either unknown or also inappropriate.

I feel I’m losing part of my identity, and I really don’t know how to get through the day without feeling as though I’m speaking like a character in a kids tv show...

“So mummy pig put away her great big words and went oink oink oink...”

I have that issue if I have to explain things verbally, but if I write it down I seem to be able to make myself a lot clearer. I honestly dont know what it is. I am thinking in terms of problem solving at work for example. I identify an issue, explain as succinctly as possible and am met with blank stares. However on writing out a report, I can get my point across.

Social stuff is similar. I try and join in when I have grasped what the chit chat is about only to be met with that blank stare. Blank with possible hostility but cannot be sure.

Occasionally I am lucky to find someone else that is also an outlier and we have a bit of a laugh. One on one is better. And not chit chat.

I am a lot more eloquent in my writing than in my speech, though. Theres a lotbof umming and ahhing.

Burgatron81, are you talking social settings? I think there is a whole lot of non verbal messaging that goes on in groups that is hard to pick up if you are ASD.

I communicate a lot better with writing. I talk weird and sometimes people don't understand what I'm saying unless I keep it extremely simple. I especially run into this problem with elderly people and people who speak very little English like servers at Mexican restaurants. Other times people just talk over me because they are conversation dominators or they think I'm a child so what I say doesn't matter. People in my age group have been condescending to me and it totally blows their minds when they find out that I'm older than them. People tend to misinterpret what I say because they don't shut up and listen. Writing gets my thoughts and requests out clearly and easily, but there are people who will find ways to misinterpret my writing too.

I think in social settings I’m largely ignored, but it’s one to one communication that seems the big problem. I’m mostly utilising around less than half my vocabulary, and that’s still causing issues. It’s like trying to communicate with people whose first language isn’t my own if that makes sense? So I’m constantly trying to find the most basic simplistic words possible to avoid misunderstandings... and somehow still getting it wrong

But the worst part of this is the implication that I’m doing it on purpose, or that I actively enjoy it. I’d really like nothing more than to be understood, but the less I’m able to say, the more challenging it is to express myself, and the more enraged people around me inevitably become.

You’re not making sense.
You’re not making sense.
You’re not making sense.

*talks loud over the top of you*

How infuriating is it when normaloids do this? With their notion that because you’re somehow defective, you should just stop what you’re saying and let them rant.
And then, after you’ve sat in silence and let them ramble on, they’re raging that you’ve forgotten what you were going to say, and all you can think to do is point out that there’s a great big purple vein throbbing on their face whenever they raise their voice.

i get that here "you're not making sense" if any response at all,
after all the eff to understand the conversational american
i suppose you all are right:
so f it
in rl only my so make a point of making this point /all the time/

I have the same problem

But even if I were more articulate , nobody would be receptive

And if they were receptive, they would not have had the authority to do anything about it anyway so, whatever

A lot of common, basic things feel so wrong



For example, when precious lil "people" act like every thought and emotion that goes through their head is the latest greatest scientific invention

And then when I say the slightest thing they have the nerve to grunt "huh," and "what" like that is the etiquette equivalent of" excuse me"

Then they let their dogs off leash and say "sorry she scared you,"

But they showed their entitled attitude and ego by taking the dogs off leash . And they don't even get a punishment

Maybe they could use finishing school or cotillion or etiquette lessons



Most precious lil "people" act way too enthusiastic and dramatic about the slightest thing and it makes me uncomfortable


The current counselor (and many of the previous ones) act like they are so awesome "helping people" . The insurance pays her 75 bucks an hour to sit around flapping her trap


To tell me anything she wants


Plenty of riffraff would be happy to sit around telling me whatever they want for free


Who is "helping" whom?

Maybe I am "helping" her more than she is "helping" me





Maybe it is necessary to write a written contract from now on


But there are an unlimited number of "wrong," things and not many correct things someone could do

It's mostly their ,"holier than thou" attitude



Every day I feel like a public nuisance

Ignored and invisible and I feel ashamed of not having a job


But at least they didn't kill me and the current city is not too homophobic

There are a lot of things worse than getting neglected

Wish I had real friends

That didn't cancel plans with me, just because someone wanted them to dog sit

Oh I’ve had that left and right, people cancelling plans in order to do just about anything but spend time with this sad little garbage person... I figure I’ve been an acceptable plan B as far as friendship goes. I’m done with that though. Absolutely.

I always thought I was destined to become a crazy cat lady.
Who knew I’d end up collecting chickens instead? And be anyways near any good at speaking their language. Beats talking to humans.

“Boc, is that you...?”
“Yeah Boc, it’s me.”
“Thank Boc it’s you Boc. I thought the fox had got you...”

It looks like almost everyone, regardless of age or education, thinks simple thoughts and feels simple emotions

Their favorite vocabulary words:

Good, cool, congratulations
Bad, why, sucks, unfortunate
"Most people", "people", "we"
Want, need, like, can
Help, hurt
Mad, upset, pissed off,
What, huh, eh , have, hm
Respect, rude, mean






There are a lot of those simpletons

They talk way too much and too loudly


They act like every thought and emotion that goes through their precious lil heads is the latest greatest scientific invention

And then when I try to say the slightest thing they have the nerve to grunt "huh", abd "what" like it is the etiquette equivalent of "excuse me"


Their thoughts are about the figurative size of a teaspoon

Their vocabulary is the size of a teaspoon


My thoughts are the size of a gallon

My vocabulary is the size of a tablespoon

I get that grunt thing as well. Can’t even say what ... they say “wuuuutttt???” While looking at me like I’m the beast with seven heads.

I’ve said for many years that those who know the least, always know it the loudest.
It’s ever true of those with limited vocabulary. Though I fail to understand why I should be made to feel like it’s my fault when they don’t understand - and then have to sit in absolute defeated silence while they talk straight over the top of my explanation. I’m thinking this is a common occurrence in the lives of ASD persons?

I’m told that I say a lot, but that it means nothing. Invalidated on an almost daily basis. I have begun to question myself, to doubt myself. I’m constantly biting my tongue. The applied logic seems to be that talking over me will shut me down, and if I do happen to forget what I was going to say, it was probably unimportant anyway.

My checked vocabulary is about the size of a pea, held precariously between chopsticks in a trembling hand...
I’m not sure the size of my thoughts. Immeasurable?

Almost everyone acts and sounds like simpletons

"Do you have a question?". Like if you have a question, they have an answer

"May I help you?". But they "can't" or won't "help" and. When they do "help", it's one teaspoon of "help" and they expect two gallons of credit

"Are you ok?". Same thing. They are just irritating me by asking. Unless I am injured. But sad or angry appearance. It's like , leave me alone.


Almost everyone acts so self important and morally innocent.

So what, I can't express myself?

If I could, nobody would believe me

If they did, they would have no power to do anything about it

If they had power they would tell me they "can't" do something because they "won't" do it. Because they don't want to


They "can't" do anything they don't "want," to do. And they still have the nerve to claim credit for "helping" you (short fat bald ugly man)





They are simple-minded

They act like every thought and emotion that goes through their precious lil heads is the latest greatest scientific invention

Then when I say the slightest thing, they half listen and grunt "huh" and "what" like that is the etiquette equivalent of "excuse me"

If I didn't have aspergers I would have laughed out loud at your tagline: "Just be yourself... No, not like that". That is the story of my life. "Be yourself" they say, "we'd like to get to know the real you" they say. No. Really no. Every time I've been myself it's the same story. Social gatherings where I'm accidentally left off the list, crowds dissipating if I approach and the puzzled looks when I talk.

Not so much now, I wouldn't say I lie, I just wear a mask that is a small part of who I am. It's still me, just not so much of me. One of my bosses who I had a lot of respect for, once said "a little of you goes a long way". So I don't think it's about expressing or explaining ourselves, I think it's about expressing the (very very narrow) part of us that they can cope with.

So now when I meet neurotypicals, I express the part of me that I know they will be comfortable with. I do use fisher price language and talk slowly and carefully, but I've refined it over the years so that it doesn't always sound patronizing. Nearly. I also only express the part of me that's acceptable in the situation, like if they ask about hobbies I'll talk about photography. Not the other 400 hobbies I'm simultaneously pursuing. The other thing I've learnt is that people don't really care. They don't really want me to explain myself, they want to be seen as "looking interested" when actually what they really want is to talk about their mundane existence.

"I’ve said for many years that those who know the least, always know it the loudest", I'm totally writing that down...!

"Some people practice what they preach, others practice preaching"


- "dealing with people you can't stand"

I had this problem around my teens. I "outgrew" it in a sense simply by listening to common speech in practice and simple mimicry. After a little effort and some practice, you get used to it ... though, I get it, you should really have to. My pain comes from wanting to use speech to start connecting with people and making friends ... things is ... My friends, the people I would call friends anyway, wouldn't act as though how I speak was painstaking to them. And in saying that it breaks me heart to hear this

"I feel I’m losing part of my identity, and I really don’t know how to get through the day without feeling as though I’m speaking like a character in a kids tv show..."

Man, this speech thing makes me feel we're like Jane Goodall observing a lower species. From my viewpoint, even to this day, in my mid-thirties, I still have to meander around NT's like it's my job. It isn't. It's none of ours ... we shouldn't have to follow a speech code to be understood. And, so, for the most part, I don't. And, forthcoming into the years to come, I won't.

OP, I'm sure you feel the same too.