Wanting Social Skills/Be Outgoing With Major Drawbacks

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I'm a loner, suffering from CPTSD, who had many, many, many bad experiences with people, bullying, ghosting, dealing with narcissists, sociopaths, etc. The works.

I want to be outgoing, I want to learn social skills. I don't have anything I can build on. I feel my social skills have dropped over the years, and I gained more drawbacks with mental health, and bad experiences. I worked as a courier for 11 months, and my social skills were the same when I left as when I started. I think I have some sort of a block.

I hate being around people, it triggers intrusive thoughts, intrusive memories, bad feelings, such as anxiety, uneasiness, panic attacks and sometimes flashbacks.

I don't want to be prisoner to this. I want to go out and be normal and be able to enjoy myself.

Has anyone any tips or is in or been in the same or similar situations?

I used to be much more shy than I am now. If you've had a lot of bad experiences, getting some good ones in can help build a foundation. Where those experiences are going to come from will differ for everyone. If you're not having luck finding them a counselor could offer more.

For me, some of the big ones were a very accepting (although there were never enough hours to go around) workplace with some other nice girls I could chat to, or just listen to music. Online games where I could socialize on my terms with people like me. Things like that. Bad school experiences, etc, hurt me too.

Part of it is just changing what you're expecting to find and how good or bad it will really be. Finding people who are worth expecting understanding and character from in the first place.

Hello.

Reading what you've written, first you say you want to be around people more but later you say you hate being around people. Do you think your hatred of being around people could be impeding your progress?

It's mostly my mental setbacks is why I dislike being around people. I feel awkward, like the odd one out.

Aspies are usually better able to socialize when immersed in a special interest. Perhaps you could find a club or society as a social outlet that is related to a special interest of yours? And, if you do find one, set limits as necessary. I don't do business meetings. But I help out in other ways.

Maybe you do have social skills

And many people do not like you because you are different from them


But maybe you didn't do anything wrong


Just a thought

I can totally understand. I have a problem with how I perceive most people due to many experiences in my life from childhood onward. I mean if you want to become more social (I don't), you should probably work on improving your perception of people, mental setbacks or not?

Say for example, a person said:

"I greatly desire to improve my health by eating much better. I know I have a terrible diet now, but I really want to change that."

"I loathe fruits and vegetables, I don't touch them."

It wouldn't be possible for that person to improve their diet until they changed their view on eating fruits and vegetables.

I'm just trying to help. I hope you attain the goal that you have.

Very similar. Most people consider me funny and fairly easy going, though I do have a lot of anxiety from CPTSD-related childhood nonsense. Borderline/NPD mom and grandmother who would mock me for being happy and excited about things, and make me cry so they could laugh at me. Years of torment, and being expected to reminisce and laugh over abusive things they'd done to me.

I have further to go, but have made good progress. For me the hardest part is that, since I'm used to someone being nice to me only to abuse me later, I can be wary of people who are genuinely being nice to me. What's helped a lot is spending time each day naming my feelings. I sit down and do this specifically, but will also do it throughout the day, especially when I'm feeling anxious. It helps me accept the feelings, realize I'm not "broken" (like the abuser wants you to think), and has helped me get a sense of strength and self back. Then I can go into social situations and not feel so powerless. Or, if I do, accept it and know it will pass.

This might be weird or controversial, but I think Freud was also on the right path when he put emphasis on sex and libido (life force). The sex drive, as in a will to life and letting life thrive (not that you have to reproduce), does seem to function under everything we do. And I think the abusers, consciously or not, try to stop this. They don't want you to thrive and be independent. Recognizing that has helped me start to "unblock" myself, especially using this context to reexamine dreams I've had. My problems became much clearer, and I feel more empowered. I hope that makes sense.

Thank you.
I first have to change my views on people in general. It will be a challenge, because I'm fighting against years of a lot history that has been ingrained in me, if that makes sense. I also need to work on keeping my distance and not becoming too attached in someone shows interest in me. My emotions also need a lot of a work.

I will try to find some common interest group. It will be a challenge because I always feel the odd one out, regardless.