Im trying to make friends but its going wrong

Post Reply New Topic

Im trying to make friends who are closer to my age. Its getting frustrating for me. I cant keep up with peoples conversations and I respond with the wrong things.

My parents and teachers want me to hang out with more people. They think it will help my confidence and communication skills. I hope so. Except I dont think its working right now. Im getting made fun of. People dont want to sit near me or be my partner for partner projects. I dont know what Im doing wrong.

People comment on the way I dress. They say its weird. Its what is comfortable for me. I have sensory problems with clothes. I like to wear loose things. Sometimes I like to wear compression clothes under my loose clothes if I am having anxiety. I also like clothes that I can easily put on. I dress like a "crazy person" according to my younger sister. I like to wear colorful clothes.

I also have different interests than people my age

Hm? Are you my long lost twin brother or something? 'Cause that sounds exactly like me!

Not being able to keep up with conversations and responding with wrong things is a textbook example of autism problems; I think everyone here can relate to that on some level. As far as I know, the only way to deal with it is to practice socializing. If things never work in groups, try one on one socializing for now. That way you only have to keep up with one person at a time.

My parents, psychologists and all said the same thing when I was younger, but not anymore since they can't really keep an eye on me now. I don't know about the confidence -part, but they're right about social skills. The only way to make them better is to practice after all... but it's definitely hard to do if people don't want to communicate with you.

Ah, the clothes problem. Even my old doctor's reports keep commenting on how I dress "in a unique way." And I never followed the latest styles, which I suppose might even be a bigger no no for us women... well, depends on the culture I suppose. I just never thought about what might be fashion or anything; if it felt good and looked good to me, I'd wear it. And that's just not, apparently, how people should do things.
Do they just point it out without any deeper meanings or are they trying to be mean? Can you tell? If you think they aren't doing it to be mean and are just blunt, I suggest you try to just answer with a shrug and saying "So I've been told." Try not to make a big deal out of it; if they're doing it to be mean and see how it affects you, they'll just do it more.

Yup, I always did too. But do you feel it necessary to hang out with people your own age? Couldn't you just ignore the ages and hang out with others who are interested in the same stuff? Also, these days with the internet having spread more or less world wide, it's not impossible to find people your age with the same interest. Just start searching, and you might find a match.

Just keep trying making friends and remember that every failure is a lesson for future on what not to do that you can use to do better next time/with another person. Good luck!

I would work on the communication skills, I don't know exactly what you need to work on but that's a start. Can you provide an example of what happens when you communicate with people?

I don't think the way you dress would be the problem. I have seen people dress in some weird things and still make friends.

Im really articulate on here but when I talk to people in person I have panic. I have a hard time saying things. I start repeating words and mixing them up. People start to laugh at me.

I also dont really get sarcasm. It has caused me issues. I also dont know how to not be awkward. I used to wink at people randomly until my mom told me it seemed creepy. I thought it was funny.

I also have a hard time communicating my feelings and needs. My feelings are hard to explain because of my sensory issues. I dont always know how I am feeling. My mom still goes into the drs office with me.

I also have processing difficulties that make conversations hard. I need stuff repeated alot. Some people dont understand that. Only my teachers do.

Making friends could help, neither, or hrrt your confidence and communication skills

Your friends do not have to be your age

There might be other ways to improve confidence and communication

Job,

learning new skills, like programming

I think this scene from The Middle is relevant to your situation. But there's more to that scene than what's in the clip. At the end the guy answers by saying "I Got Nothing" or something similar.





I have a lot of the same issues you do in social situations & I was bullied alot as a kid because of it. Avoiding people was better for my anxiety & self-esteem than being around people who were mean to me or who made it clear they didn't want anything to do with me.

Perhaps you don’t actually need constant friends. Your society around you looks down on loners, as a bad thing, and believes everyone must be surrounded by constant friends. But perhaps not having constant friends is not necessarily a bad thing, but simply a different thing.

If you can find happiness, satisfaction and fulfillment without constant friends around you, then maybe things are actually not going wrong, but they are going right.