Group Social Situations versus/compared to Forums

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It's my understanding that it's fairly common for those with ASD to prefer or have greater ease navigating one-on-one as opposed to group social situations... I certainly find this to be true in my own case. For those who also feel this way, do you find that the same concept extends to online interactions?
Do forums or comment threads feel like the online equivalent of a group social situation?
How do you determine your input is actually welcome or wanted?
For lack of a better way to ask... what is the social protocol for engaging in public online dialogue?

Not for me , as you have plenty of time to process what is being said ( sometimes not ) and you can take your time over a reply and check it multiple times before posting.



Sometimes you can get a feel for it , but most of the time I'm deluded and think everybody wants to hear what I have to say.



Well , starting a thread is a good opener - that's all I got

Oh, I guess that makes sense; I wasn't thinking about that component of it. A big part of it for me is trying to figure out what the balance is between observing and participating...



I tend to go the opposite direction - I'll lay awake at night drowning in anxiety over every thing that I said and whether it was actually wanted.



Haha, yah.... not really sure where to go from here though or how/when to participate in other people's threads... Thank you for the input!

I usually stop posting when I have posted 4 times in a row with no reply



I still lay awake drowning in anxiety lol but it's about what i've said



Just go for it , post where you want , what you want ( rules permitting ) , no one here is going to tell you your post isn't wanted ( well , not many people are likely too )

My slow perceptual processing and difficulty with switching (or not switching) my attention as needed are definitely the primary things which I think of as making group socialising much harder than one-to-one IRL. On forums, the plentiful processing time and ability to edit that SaveFerris mentioned are a huge benefit to me too, though not without their own problems sometimes (being a chronically procrastinating hyperlexic can lead to editing sessions which last for hours if the subject is complex or emotive, after which I may still end up not posting - and if I do post, the rumination does not stop there!)

The fact that non-verbal communication isn't involved online helps me a lot too. Whether autistic or not, people tend to be more explicit with their words in writing. It prevents misunderstandings due to eye-contact or body-language differences, and means that trying to read and simulate them is not the drain on my attention that it would otherwise be.

In fact, when I'm online, it's the other way around - I find one-to-one communication much more difficult. I find text messages, e-mail, and private messages a source of great anxiety, and much prefer talking in open forums. This is almost certainly due to demand avoidance. Messages specifically to me and no-one else feel like an obligation to have something to say and to respond promptly; I feel "put on the spot" and the resulting anxiety makes my communication abilities collapse completely - even if the sender has reassured me that there is no such obligation.

I also can't bear seeing messages accumulating in an in-box during periods when I'm too burned out to respond to any of them. I'm much the same with "snail mail" IRL - missing payments for things because the bill is sat in a pile of unopened mail is quite normal. I have lost touch with geographically-remote family members and friends for years at a time due to this, without having any intention whatsoever of distancing myself from them figuratively.

I can feel this a little bit on public forums sometimes when a thread becomes more akin to a two-way conversation, but not anything like to the same extreme. It's accepted that people log in and out all the time and that their attention is divided between lots of different threads, and there's little pressure to say any more or less than one wants to, so I find it a much more relaxed way to communicate - though of course, without the element of privacy.

(PS: In case anyone has wondered, this is also why I don't allow PMs on WP - it's nothing personal, I just need to manage my anxiety levels, and I wouldn't want to feel I was letting anyone down!)

I think that people are really happy when other users contribute to their threads. Please feel free to jump into any of the conversations with your thoughts. The more the merrier.

When we start threads we are literally asking for anyone who reads this forum to add their thoughts and experiences. The more people who contribute, the more interesting the conversation is.

I love being able to talk to people all over the world and get their unique perspectives.

I don't disallow PM's but generally prefer public interaction in forums. I'm OK with occasional PM's but I don't like too many of them, for reasons somewhat similar to yours. I would dread the thought of having a huge pile of unanswered PM's.

If someone really wants to have lots of private conversation with me, and/or vice versa, I would be inclined to give that person my phone number and talk on the phone, after first getting to know the person via quite a bit of online public discussion. Or, if the person happens to live in or near NYC, we could meet in person at one of the local support groups and talk over dinner afterward.

In real life, the hardest kind of in-person conversation is unfocused group chit chat. I need something to focus on, either a topic (in group conversation) or the person (in one-on-one conversation).

Interesting perspective, Trogluddite, on 1 to 1 vs group interaction contrasted between real life and online. I especially liked your term "demand avoidance." I relate to that a bit, and a lot of what others are saying.

I drown in group interaction in real life when it's not focused, like others here. I communicate far better 1 to 1, and people have pointed out to me that I get very quiet when another person joins, even if they are a decent acquaintance I have comfort with.

I enjoy forums where I can more or less say whatever I want. It can be a monologue and it's not terribly inappropriate. I get anxiety about its reception like others here. There is a pressure when you get responded to with some expectation of you returning comment, especially in any matter of argument. I love debates, but after a while it feels almost like an obligation that must be finished and it definitely can weigh down my energy.

For in-person interaction, yes.


As others have already mentioned, forums do not require the rapid processing speed that is require in an in-person social situation. Also, for me, online forums -- especially well-organized ones like this message board -- tend to be topic-focused, which makes interaction here easier than it would be in either an in-person group or a less well-organized online venue such as a Facebook page.


Lurk for a while before you start posting, so you can get a feel for the kind of discussion that is expected.

Read the official rules carefully, and read them multiple times to make sure you understand and can remember them.

As much as possible, stay on topic for a given thread.

As far as I can tell, you're doing fine.

I tend to treat forums much like I do group conversations in real life, well the kind of group conversation where I'm having trouble getting a word in.

Most of the time I assume that people don't care what I have to say (online this is) and a lot of time I find myself beginning to type out a response and then just deleting it. I even have the temptation to do this right now.
Perhaps if I ended up becoming a bit more established in a forum I wouldn't feel that way so much. I've never really stuck around in one for very long. I am probably the most determined to stay in this one than I ever have been because I think I could learn a lot here.

Looks to me like you're doing fine here so far. Welcome to WP.

One of the great reliefs in my life was learning, less than 2 years ago, that my inability to enjoy any interaction with more than two people was not selfishness on my part, but just being aspie.

I don't write as much as I might because so many others are more articulate. In fact, sometimes I don't even know I am doing something until I read it here in the forum and say to myself "Oh! That is what was happening!"

Purple Kiwi, I do the same thing. I will write out a long post and then delete it.

Clever Witch: you can count on the responses in this thread for sure. These are good people.

Something I find very challenging with this is lack of common ground. So much chit-chat for peers my own age is about their romantic relationships, their children, their job, their mortgage and credit cards, keeping the car on the road, their favourite sports team, etc. I just don't have much frame of reference for most of what they're talking about, less still any interesting personal anecdotes; and I don't want to come across as seeking pity by mentioning my lack of experience.


Likewise. I really hate it when people assume that my quietness means that I'm not interested in other people. It took me a long time to realise that the harder I'm concentrating on listening to someone, the more my body language makes me appear bored or aloof - people would quite often make an excuse and wander off just as their story was getting really interesting!

@TheCleverWitch
As others have said, you seem to be settling in just fine. Because autism can come with such a huge variety of language and social differences, the rules of social engagement here are far more flexible and forgiving than IRL; and if you do accidentally step on someone's toes, a simple apology and explanation of the misunderstanding is usually taken graciously. After decades pre-diagnosis of conditioning myself to (rather poorly) conform to the usual IRL social rules, this new freedom to speak my mind did take a little while to get used to, though!

Thanks, I'm really trying this time round. It helps that there's more like minded people here. The time difference isn't so helpful but that's fairly typical regardless of where I'm inhabiting the internet.

Vague statement

The correct answer is ten pages long

It depends on which public online dialogue