Putting on an act for NTs.

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fresco
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30 Jul 2007, 3:40 am

I'm losing the energy to act now so I tend to be much quieter than I used to be.

RockoTDF
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30 Jul 2007, 9:05 am

skahthic wrote:

I have the kind of job where I HAVE to act a certain way, but if I open my mouth I seem to ruin it. so my only choice often is to shut up and just work.
i work for an agency, so this is usually good. I'm not in one place long enough to get on everyone's nerves ( or visa versa). I work in different areas ( they're mostly similar, so the change isn't too stressful usually). If I end up in one place for very long, the "real me" will end up slipping out, though. Not everyone likes that. Some do, but it's the ones that don't that make it difficult thereafter.
It can be exhausting.
Strangely, i had one shift recently where we had to give immunization shots to Army guys ( easy work). I didn't try and cover myself up, and the Army guys seemed to LIKE it. They seem to like the fact that i'll say whatever is on my mind and that i don't censor myself. they don't get offended easily at all. So I got to be myself, Miss Social Blunder, in person, without any repercussions. It was nice, really, and I actually felt a sense of normalcy I can't recall feeling in a long time.
If everyone were that accepting, I'd never feel the need to pretend or shut up. I might actually enjoy work--- imagine that!

The extreme male brain theory tells us that guys in the army have more "male" brains. So I think they liked you because the behavior you were showing was not typical NT trying to be understanding and empathetic and all that.

Cyneth
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30 Jul 2007, 11:57 am

It's hard to put a label on what I do....just that it always feels like me, I "own" what I do and I define myself by what I do. It is just that I need to socially learn and relearn what to do through the powers of observation, and so if I am not experienced, I am uncertain, tentative, until I feel I confident enough. Most NTs I imagine are not in this learning process or at that point in their 30s whereas I feel I am (though to some extent that is due to the need to relearn what I already got down). Viewed from one point of view, one could say I am "faking" it, but I don't think of it as that; I think of it as making do under the circumstances. And eventually I can get pretty good at seeming NT, and that is not betraying myself or being something else but expanding the horizons of my social abilities. It's still always me. I hate it when someone wants to draw a line and say you can't be AS if you can do this or that, or you are being fake if you do this or that. My mind still thinks the same way. But I can observe people and synthesize my own style over time .... I know that much of what I do socially (from the use of particular intonations to posture movements and expressions) was learned from specific friends I had in my 20s, but I made it my "own".... but holding on to that style can be difficult if I do not practice it enough.

jfberge
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30 Jul 2007, 1:47 pm

Cyneth wrote:

I know that much of what I do socially (from the use of particular intonations to posture movements and expressions) was learned from specific friends I had in my 20s

I've relied on my little brother as a model for how guys are supposed to behave around other guys. He and I are similar in some ways, so it's an easier model to implement. Since I got divorced recently, I've been trying to find other single guys to hang out with (my other friend[s] are married with kids). Recently, I've been hanging out with a couple of "players" who are fairly typical guys. I've never done this before, so it's educational. When we're out, I'm in character as one of them. It's fun, and remarkably easy to maintain. After a few hours and as many beers, I can see how acting a role long enough can become ingrained. Still, I don't have the desire to do that on a regular basis. I'd prefer to have friends that are more like me.

unnamed
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Joined: 26 Feb 2007
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31 Jul 2007, 9:31 am

jkrane wrote:

Pugly wrote:

For those of you who do put on an act... is it basically going against the grain of your very nature? Saying things you don't want to say? Expressing interest in something you don't like... just for someone else's benefit?

That would drive me nuts. If you actually are able to do it, that's commendable. I am impressed.

I've tried doing this, but it doesn't work.

I get very irritated, bored, frustrated and confused. When I put on an act, I end up failing at connecting with the other people anyways, and I leave the social event isolated, self-loathing, envious of others and more miserable than when I arrived there..

I agree. I can't fake interest or feelings I don't have. The few times I've tried, I've failed miserably and it's not worth the pain and effort involved. If people are going to dislike me, I'd rather them dislike me for the correct reasons.

Cyneth
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31 Jul 2007, 10:38 am

Oh real faking is hard....The thing that pops in my head is the job interview situation in which you are supposed to be "excited" and "gung-ho" about a job you applied for....when in reality you just need the work and may not be happy about having to move and other things connected with it.

iamnotaparakeet
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04 Aug 2007, 2:18 pm

Cyneth wrote:

Yeah, especially if the job you're offered pays $10,000 less than the cost of living forcing you to make "friends" and find roommates to survive. That's just not fair.

I find that if you can't be like them, try not to show yourself either. At least for me. I have been very open about my opinions, never attacking or ridiculing people, but find they are more than willing to do that to you if you think differently than they do. So, for me at least, presenting who I am and what I think only leads to trouble, for me.

BastetsEye
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05 Aug 2007, 11:00 am

I don't know if I put on an Act with NT as apposed to when I'm with others, I'm aware of the fact that alot of the time I feel like I'm acting, but it's hard to tell when as it's got to the point with me, that I don't know what parts of me are part of my personality and what parts are an act, or are they all parts of my personality, but I force certain parts to the service in certain situations, and thats where the feeling of an act, and the mental exhaustion comes from, show parts of myself that aren't naturally occuring.

I guess though that's all part of the age old question of figuring out who you are

I mean when you've spent your entire act having to be something else for different people, how can you know what's real and what's not?

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