Passive aggressive behavior

Post Reply New Topic

Indeed.

How is it weak if they manage to give you an ultimate blow: complete ruin of your self esteem. When someone acts passive aggressively towards me, I feel like they are super strong and I am the one who is weak, since, apparently, I am not even worth talking to.

But strong aren't always right, I think the weak are the ones that are right and strong are the ones that are evil. But, unfortunately, society doesn't see it. Society always sides with the strong -- unfortunately. And thats why when those strong people act passive aggressively towards me, they are the ones everyone else sides with.

Weak because they have to resort to passive aggressive behavior, are too scared to tell it to your face. When you confront them, they just say you misinterpreted it or misunderstood. It's cowardly behavior. Weak as can be. Strong people don't have to resort to that.

If they tell me some excuse and think I will buy it, they obviously think I am stupid. If so, how can they be scared of me if I am presumably such a ret*d? So no, they aren't weak, they just think I am.

Maybe they are just stupid, ever taught of that, instead of talking yourself down so much?

this is my take on it.I still cant see the problem with passive aggression. although I know the resentment is not doing me any good.

I was doing aa and ca recovery meetings,for years.i still do the occasional one,but I go alone.i met a few friends there over the years.but currently I have been avoiding them and meetings that my friends are at or regulars in,changing phone numbers etc.

During my recovery I chose not to do 12 steps,get a sponsor,join a group etc.but because of this I had to remain sober when all my so called friends kept telling me im wrong,they kept telling me ,i needed a god,i need a higher power to get sober and I was f****d basically without these,any time I tried to express my own beliefs,i was told i was powerless over alcohol would be spoke down to and told it was wrong or someone would repeat a big book or bill Wilson quote to prove that I was wrong.i basically chose to be my own man in recovery which they could not understand.they kept telling me to drop my ego,even though iam a man of few words.i was also told pray to god and it would solve my problems,i did not understand why praying to an invisible man would help me,but would bite my tonge as I did not want to offend anyone.although I have lots of resentment because of this towards aa,friends in aa,myself.
anyone that dared question the big book where quickly silenced or barred from meetings.it was really cult like.i was even told that iam probably not an alcoholic,by an expert who had being doing meetings for 20 years.the thing is I had nothing wrong with what other people believed.i just did not believe that I had to conform to someone elses beliefs to get sober.i did not force my own beliefs onto anyone,but felt i was having other people force there beliefs onto me.

am I wrong or am I being passive aggressive wanting to avoid meetings and the people I met there?i could go and be more assertive?get into arguments?give insults?or just meet up and be ucomfortable?use violence?what good would any of this this do, as I even don't enjoy the meetings anymore never mind go for a fight.why go and meet friends and be uncomfortable?listening and spending time with people who are just pissing you off?dont we all have a right to ignore people,there could be a million and one reasons for ignoring someone.

I can see what the passive aggression is doing to me.i have lots of resentments,low self esteem etc.but what are the alternatives?
.

I don't see why I would have to give them reasons for me avoiding them.its perfectly okay to make excuses.espeicially if its causing you problems with your mental health.

sorry if this does not make sense.

What does passive aggressive mean? I always see it mentioned on this site but I don't know what it actually means. Give me an example.

For me yes

Usually the lil dipshits have a lot of confidence and energy to deal with every slightest thing and I don't, s**t

Ass holes

"Why" this "what" that

Entitled lil dipshits truly believe that they have a moral "right" to get whatever the f**k they want

I think there is some distinction to be made between passive-aggressive behavior as an attempt to manipulate others into doing what is wanted without taking responsibility for expressing what is wanted, and inexperienced or non-confrontational attempts at boundary-setting, and simply not being able to deal with things in the most constructive manner in real-time and backing off to be able to deal more adequately from a safer place which can create a better outcome for all parties involved.

For myself, sticking to asynchronous methods of contact (ie: email and forums) and avoiding real-time messaging until I get to know someone well helps. For people I encounter in the offline world, I carry business cards with my online info and just flatly state, "I'm autistic so I have problems with social settings, but you can reach me here if you want to talk," and leave it at that. It's not exactly growing my social circle quickly, but it filters out a lot of stuff that drains my social capacities so I have more stamina to focus on higher quality results.

There is nothing I hate more than passive aggressive behavior. I had a group dump me and rather than straight up tell me, they kept saying things like "we thought you were sick" or "we didn't bother calling because we thought you were away" when I made it clear hours before I wasn't. When I finally told the guy I wasn't an idiot and just came clean and I won't be upset, he still kept lying trying to cloak it as some sort of benevolent act. I was planning on leaving that group anyway but they could have just sat down for 10 seconds and had a mutual parting of ways. That's not even getting into how I would go on dates, the other person would say "YES!" if I asked did they want to meet again and would then proceed to be "busy" for weeks on end.

Obviously it's important to be tactful but what's so hard with coming out and saying something like an adult. I once had a high conflict coworker and the boss called us in and told us both flat out "you need to get along or you are useless to me". What was so hard about that? The problem was identified to both of us and quickly resolved to the point at least at a professional level.

Many people (including many NT's) naturally tend to be passive, aggressive, or passive-aggressive, unless they've specifically learned how to be assertive without being aggressive -- which is a skill that many people have not learned.

Here is one of the better online tutorials (podcast and transcript) on how to be assertive without being aggressive.

At least to some extent, some kinds of passive-aggressive behavior seem to be an accepted norm in the NT world (although this varies by cultural background, region, etc.). A lot of people prefer to communicate via subtle hints that they expect other people to pick up on, rather than explicitly say how they feel or what they want.

Passive-aggressive behavior makes life more difficult for those of us who have difficulty picking up on subtle hints. We need people to be assertive with us.

Also, for most of those autistic people who are verbal at all in the first place, I would suspect that the art of being assertive without being aggressive is probably easier to learn than the art of picking up on subtle hints.

Hence assertiveness (without being aggressive) is one of the "autistic-friendly communication skills" I listed in the thread Autistic-friendly social skills vs. blending in with NT's.