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Shurikenofdoom
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14 Jan 2020, 1:10 pm

Just trying to understand the purpose of conversation and all (online btw). I have a close friend, and I tend to get anxious whenever I make a close friend, wondering if something is wrong. Right now my big thing is how we're communicating. I know our friendship is strong, and I know we're doing all these things naturally, but I wonder why. I know friendship can be for having discussions about things on our mind like shared interests. It can be fulfilling to have another person to communicate and develop these thoughts with. Friends are also there for support, to have someone to share intimate thoughts or things troubling us. We also have friends for sharing jokes, and enjoying their unique personality. I suppose it makes life more interesting having that person around being themselves, though I can still get anxious from personality differences.

But why do we bring up things happening in our lives to each other? I do know it can be a conversation starter to get to making discussion, but people also seem to just like sharing what they're doing in the day or something that's currently happening, including me. But why??? My best guess is that it's a "selfish" thing, as in people just want an outlet to share what they're doing and they get something out of it but not me, and vice versa, meaning it's equal in that we both do it. Still, I'm fairly clueless. Gosh communication is so confusing.



Fireblossom
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14 Jan 2020, 1:29 pm

That... is a good question. Sometimes it's handy, like if you can't keep in touch with your friends the way you usually do because of some special situation, they'll understand if you've talked about it and don't think you've ditched them. If you have health issues or some other problems and your friends know about them, then they're a lot likelier to connect the dots when you're in bad mood because of them and won't be so quick to think that it's personal. So it makes sense to talk about big things, but small everyday stuff? I don't really get it either. People are rarely actually interested in what you ate for lunch. Or when you went grocery shopping or, the classic, what the weather is like. I suppose some people might want to do small talk like that to fill awkward silences, but other than that... well, blank.

But I do know why I do small talk: I've been taught it's the socially correct thing to do, and I try to be socially correct to avoid trouble, so I do it. As for why it's socially correct, I don't know.



Fnord
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14 Jan 2020, 1:43 pm

@Shurikenofdoom: Is your real concern only that people are talking about their lives instead of yours?

Just asking.



Shurikenofdoom
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14 Jan 2020, 2:36 pm

Fnord wrote:
@Shurikenofdoom: Is your real concern only that people are talking about their lives instead of yours?

Just asking.


Nah I'm not that selfish lol. I mean just the general phenomenon of how a lot of casual conversation is just people saying things about their day or whatever, and I do it too. I don't expect anyone to be going on about my life unprompted or anything. I do get jealous in general, but not from that specifically.



Fnord
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14 Jan 2020, 2:59 pm

People talk about themselves because that's the one subject they know best, so they don't have to think too hard.

It's part of "Small Talk".



Spunhead13
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22 Jan 2020, 10:44 pm

I also find this hard to understand.

It's even harder to do. Like what parts of my life are okay to talk about and what is too much? I find when I try to talk about my life people seem to look bored, or at least I worry that I am boring them.

I prefer when people ask questions.

Yet when they talk about their lives I know the expectation is for me to nod and make eye contact etc.



Kiprobalhato
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23 Jan 2020, 2:20 am

it's the only thing everyone is an expert in.

people love to talk about things they know + people love to talk about themselves in general

= a whole lot of blah blah blah blah blah


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