How can social interaction become enjoyable for us?

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Here, in the separate thread I'm no longer proud to have Asperger Syndrome:

Right. Masking... If I can mask I can make it. I can't really de-mask if I need to go to some event, but I can certainly lessen the effects of attending an event.
It is hard to attend events which do not interest me and many I just can't really go to.
If I can't mask I struggle to go in or I am quiet and try to stand by the door or sit somewhere at the edge of an isle. Not always easy! Sometimes my Mum tries to get me to be social and help by standing in a queue to get someone some food and the stress of doing this drains me of energy and I only just manage to get the food to the person, but then I am not able to get my own food, so then I get many coming to me asking why I am not eating... And I can't tell them that to stand in the queue is difficult. I wait until the queue goes down to nothing and everyone is fed to see if they ave anything left.
But often I have to go outside to walk around to de-stress, but if I am seen I am sometimes grabbed to help outside... At the very time I need to de-stress! No one is trying to make me stressed. It just happens. I am too well known to the family who set up the event! It can be an exhausting marathon of a day!

The last two really large events I attended were relating to model railways. One was a sales fair where I sold enough trains to part exchange my last car so I could get Mitsi. The other was a rather large model railsay exhibition I attended a couple of years ago.
The toy and train fairs are easier in a way as they are smaller events and if I am there to sell things, I am behind a table which acts like a shield. Ido struggle to hear what people are saying though as I find being in a hall with lots of people around and lots talking tends to make it difficult to pick out the persons voice who is talking. The event starts for the traders and people like me who are not traders but we have some of our collection to sell (They started off being called swapmeets where people gathered together and swapped trains etc to get the ones they want). For the traders and sellers it is an early in the morning start. I think 0730. They have work to do to get their items ready for display. The traders also love looking at the displays of people like me because they can buy attractive items to sell on if they offer a price whichnis acceptable. For example, I had a crate full of wagons. They probably sellat around £3.50 to £5 each. I sold the lot for a value of somewhere around £3 each and we were happy. They had wagons to sell so hoped to gain a small profit (If they didn't sell there they attend other such fairs) and I had less work to do to sell my surplus collection. (I still have lots of items I could sell as I changed scale).
Then after a couple of hours of setting up the hall is opened to the public. This is when the panic sets in for me! A sudden flood of people all wanting to talk at the same time (Or it seems like that!) Trying to focus onone thing and one persons coversation is not easy! And no, I could not do it without masking! It is why when I have gobe through burnout, I can't attend any social event even though I love trains because I am in a mess if I am not able to mask. (Have you noticed how after burnout is the very time when people not just invite, but include you in their plans of setting up social events? I could not attend and fortunately this time round I did not upset too many people and fortunately this time round my Mum realized the state I was in, as before, if I said no, they would invite my Mum knowing I had to drive her to the event. In the past I have been told off for sitting outside in the rain because I could not go in. (I was given car park duties instead! Why do people ignore what they are told to do when it comes to where to park their cars? Frustrating!)
Anyway. What I do find is while after burnout and before I have recovered, I find I can't attend any social events, but when I have recovered I can... But it is draining. It saps me of energy. It can easily throw me into partial or even a full shutdown.
But it is not that I can't enjoy events. It is more that how I am able to cope can dictate how much I enjoy the event. If I can sit in a quiet corner preferably on my own by the door I am ok, as long as I can sit quietly and observe. It is when I am asked to do things for people is when I get the issues. Is unexpected and sudden, and also even though it looks like I am sitting there doing nothing, I am only doing that to prevent myself from havig any energy draiing issues. I am not sitting on my own because I have nothing to do.
It is like when I was in my youth attending church, and they wanted me to join in with all the energetic actions of a lively song assumbing because I was young and had cycled to get there that I had endless energy... I wanted to sit there quiet at the back and observe. I didn't want to be lively. I enjoyed watching others be lively! But by sitting there at the back with my smiling mask on (A coping mechanism) I was able to cope and I started to enjoy. But trying to include me in the lively side of things and I am somewhat terrified and my energy just leaves my body...

Burnouts are the things which really effect my ability to be social on a major scale. They prevent me from masking where I glitch between a semi masking and an unmasked child like state where I get stared at!

Sorry. I went off on a tangent.

If we can socially interact with our special interest, then it makes things easier as we can talk in depth and not feel embarissed.

Seem the only place where we wouldn't really have to "mask" our condition is by support groups with other Asperger/Autistic people.How many NT'S and even other ND'S not on the Autism Spectrum would really accept people on the Autism Spectrum without masking their condition?Can't find many examples,atleast in my area.You did mention Autistic like people who are not on the Spectrum.I never seen a Autistic like person not on the Spectrum in real life,but I would guess they very similar to odd/weird Neurotyicals. How can you tell if the person is Autistic like without being diagnosed? Considering that the Autism Spectrum is far more inclusive compared to say 30-40 or more years ago,how wonder many Autistic like people not diagnosed really exist? Is it possible that they would just blend in with the NT population anyway since they seem to be very similar to the"odd/weird" portion of the NT population?

It's a bit of a hit or miss for me. Sometimes it's enjoyable, but even when it is I often end up wondering afterwards if things would be better had I said this or not said that. The most enjoyable way to socialize for me is to talk about my special interests with someone who is also interested in it. Doesn't need to be as much as me or know as much as me, nor do they need to be interested for the same reasons. They just need to be in to it and be willing to talk about it, though the kind of talks I like the most varies a little with which interest it is.

Some ways social interaction could become more enjoyable for me are:
1. Accept that I am a quirky, awkward person - don't expect perfection! (Although if I do or say anything that makes anyone uncomfortable, tell me so I can change it.) I have a sense of humor about myself too - no need to walk on eggshells.
2. I prefer interacting in a quiet, uncrowded environment. Lighting that's not too bright helps a lot, too.
3. Activities make interaction more enjoyable for me - playing a game, taking a walk, etc. I'm not as good at just sitting there and making conversation for long periods of time.

Asocial, yet is capable of enjoying social interaction and got a lot of fill of it.
So it's not about social drive or 'wanting'.
Pushing me to do so will cause the opposite reaction than encouragement.


No walking on eggshells, compatibility and willingness of both parties -- that's mostly just what I'd need.

Intentionality is also huge in more ways than one, where I can truly able to level for someone just as this someone does without having to put up too much with accommodating the norm. Actual give-and-take, the freedom and ability to gauge timing and how to adjust without too much strain.

The rest, even the environment, interests and sometimes the situation along with the lack of conseqences of social hangover is optional.

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Well I'm 25 now and slowly but truly coming to an answer for myself after years and years of getting to know new people and cutting them off afterwards. It was a long fight, damn... I NEED social interaction, at the same time I mostly didn't enjoy it AT ALL. I thought I would enjoy it, I thought I HAVE to. Like "everybody else". HA-HA-HA...

And yes, I would agree that it would work on the right circumstances. The other thing I've learned is to have social interaction over a shorter period of time. Instead of 5 hours straight, only 1 hour. That's it. And in my experience, the more I got used to people, the more I can endure them without having a huge loss of energy. And with certain people it is the exact opposite. If they can't give me mental or emotional stimilation anymore, it's done. I'm still trying to figure out, if I will ever be able to have a relationship with someone which I actually enjoy. Enjoying to spend time with someone...

The cruel thing is, that I feel very lonely all by myself. I wonder how other people with AS handle the loneliness... Me personally, it makes me literally insane, depressed and sick.

Having a conversation while riding in a car (as long as the other person is the one driving) is not too bad, depending on the person you are with (for me, it has to be someone I am already pretty comfortable with) because you can't look at each other anyway, so you don't have to worry about eye contact or making the right facial expressions. It's not ideal but frees you up to only worry about the talking and listening.

But as far as having a social interaction without masking, I can't even imagine what that would be like. I would just talk randomly about things that interest only me, and spend long periods of the conversation not talking. I don't really see how that would work, except with a long term partner who already knows what to expect.