"So - do you have any friends?"

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Nobody of us needs friends to share our interests with. We are just happy in our world. Unfortunatelly, this world is too cruel to people like us. Such a foolish thing like social interaction seems to be very important to them. And till they are the ones who have the power, they can destroy your world in a second. I know what I'm talking about. I used to feel happy without any social interaction and I thought this cannot harm anybody. But it can. This turned against me and it almost burried my dreams. It's definitely better to suffer pretending social interaction than experience something like that. This world is not prepared for coexistence with people like us.

Well, you're mom is wrong, but not completely wrong. You don't really need any interaction; however, you need to learn and practice how to pretend it to survive in this world. Just think it over.

I can imagine how do you feel. My mom is doing the same. Even worse, she doesn't want to believe that something like AS exists. And, of course, she is unable to realize that her advices are completely useless in my case.

I have one great friend now and we see each other a lot and I enjoy taking him out to places. I am thinking of the cheese factory next but this Saturday, I am taking him to a nude beach where the adult baby gathering is.

There are nude beaches in the U.S.? Why am I only now learning this?

Tim

Last edited by Tim_Tex on 08 Aug 2007, 5:15 pm, edited 2 times in total.

I don't really have any friends.

Well, that's a lie, I have a handful, but I'm pretty paranoid they're gonna turn against me like the so called friends I once had.

I have found that infamy and fame are really close to the same thing... and sometimes (especially when a lot of time has passed) people get the two confused. The way I handle reputation is I *push* geekiness on everyone. It drives the 2nd and 3rd categories of people away from you and makes the 1st category value you so much that they usually protect you from any uber versions of the 2nd or 3rd types.

What this comes down to is that you become famous with the #1 ppl, and infamous with the #2s & #3s... you're rep will spread and people will either avoid you b/c they don't want to be harassed by your geekiness or seek you out to get something from you. For me, it just means that I have to field a bunch of people's computer questions and deal with people asking to do stuff for them all the time. But, if I don't offer to do it... I loose "rep points".

Oh, the time thing. If you do something horrible, you just drop out of the scene for a while. My experience is that usually people will only remember the good stuff. It seems that the #1 group of people tend to stick around and remember you while the #2s & 3s tend to be more flighty and either move on or just forget about you. The only exception to this is if the horrible thing you do is personal to someone, they tend to remember and hold grudges. But even that isn't so bad most of the time. Oh, and don't jack-up whatever it is you do for the #1 group; this really does harm your reputation... so make sure the geekiness you push is real geekiness... don't say you can do things you can't.

So really its a function of [(Fame + Infamy - Horrible Social faux pas) / Time] but these variables are hard to quantify, so social experimentation is the only thing I can suggest to figure it out.

Does all this make sense to anyone? Or am I just rambling?

I have one true friend, who also happens to have AS. He told me he had AS when I told him I was diagnosed a few months ago. We've been close for the past five years. Most of our hobbies are similar, except he's more of a gamer and movie buff while I'm more into anime and a casual movie fan.

Now, my facebook says I have around twenty-five friends, but I don't trust any one of them enough to be considered a friend. Some of them are close to it, but I never have had the chance to get to know them any better then how I know them in the classroom, so they are just casual "friends", "associates", etc.. As others have said in this thread, the word "friend" really has been bastardized. There is no way anyone has 200, hell, even 50 "friends". I don't see how you could get that close to any number of peope in one lifetime to consider "friends".

There are a couple of people I know in my year group at school but I consider them more as associates than friends.



I agree with you there. The first one is similar to when someone in class tries to become a friend to me only to look at my answers and talk about me behind my back. I had a two-faced 'friend' who bullied me a couple of years ago and made my life hell (Oh well, he has an eating disorder so he is likely to die out within the next ten years or so).



Then there's the second type - the majority of people don't socialise with me regularly, simply because I don't initiate a conversation with them (because I feel no need to).



The third type is quite similar to what I'm getting now. A couple of boys in my Engineering class pretend to be friendly and compliment me, except the majority of time they try to annoy me and to get a reaction out of me. I ignore them a lot of the time.



A wise attitude. I have tried to defend myself but I often feel that if I do, I only get more thrown back at me, so I don't attempt it. Some people might say that I am a 'pushover'.

I have high standards for friendship.
Those who seem to have endless supplies of friends seem to consider anyone they talk to regularly as a friend... or anyone they go out with sometimes. To me, that isn't enough.
I expect a friendship to be a two way thing with both parties making equal effort to make and keep in contact.
I expect total honesty from a friend and for a mutual trust to exist.
I expect for both parties in a friendship to feel able to turn to one another in crisis.

I don't consider myself to have any friends in the true sense of the word at present. Someone on here comes close, but it is hard for me to consider someone a friend when I know them only in the cyber world.

Yeah I have friends a few are aspies and a few are NTs

Friends, so so. I really doubt NTs have got that many, they just feel more comfortable in crowds like fish in water.

People who would lent me money if I asked for it? Maybe one. Would I ask? No. Does a lot of damage.

People I can go to have beer with? Maybe 3 to 5. People I regularly go to the movie theater with? Same 3 to 5.

People I can talk to? They do not run away. People I expect being interested in my thoughts about world and life? No.

People I easily listen to when they talk? Yes. Really like to listen to because of being interested?No. Simplistic and trivial all the way.

Never the less there are people being there when I need them. Classic example: Asking for help when moving to a new location. Or people I can give a call when my car broke down. Things like that. Is that not what counts?

People I can talk to when I am desperate or in a bad mood? Never had any. Nobody would understand it. Never did. Not to be expected.

i don't have friends. I can get along with many (most) people, but i can't sustain a friendship, the older i become, the less sustainable the realationships. Its not about getting angry or something, i just loose them.

Well, my social experimentations doesn't cover such a long timescale. But if you're right, it's giving me a second chance.


I fully agree. But I think behavior like this is perfectly normal. Most of the people interact with strangers around just accidentally or on duty. That's caused by natural and neuro-typical feeling of fear, uncertainty and doubt. That's why I didn't mention people like this iin my post. I was talking about those who are trying to interrupt a conversation since beginning, whenever I initiate it.
Note that nature of your "second type people" is unknown till the first social interaction. They can show themselves as 1st type, 2nd type (based on my definition), 3rd type or aspies as well.

What could a "friend" tell me that Wikipedia can't? What need would I have for a "friend"?

Ive said it before and I'll say it again -- any Aspergian who tries to make friends is a traitor and no better than the mundane sheeple that plague the earth.

Its funny how you have a self proclaimed lack of need for friends... yet you troll here looking for attention.

I'm consciously trying to build my social skills. I actively work at it because I think it's going to make me a better person, and it's really helpful to have friends to share things with or to network and get a business going. It's nice to know someone cares! But this is kinda like having friends.

I dislike the notion there would something like "lack of a need for friends", there can be lack of energy, lack of food, lack of money and if you have a lack of breathable air you most likely will die. A lack of need for friends is nothing of that kind. Interaction with other people can be frustrating and difficult. Why to argue against that? To me that is just fact of life. There are not many people I want to be around with and even with those there are not a thousand of activities I enjoy doing. I make compromises here, though.

Having a friend is something that just happens, there is no strategy or tactics involved. If that magic moment of friendship does not occur, then there is no need for making it up. It is impossible to have real friendship coming up like that. I have found it impossible to feel friendship from nothing and there is no satisfaction.

Why would anyone want to pollute one's leisure time with frustation and series of misfit- experiences? I have had enough of that and I certainly would not feel better going on that way. Being open for something new and the wish to get to know other people is all there can be. Applying pressure and tension to oneself to appear more attractive to other people is nothing to be desired. Did anybody really like the results or was happy with those situations?

Sure, it can be rewarding to do things one always hesitated doing in the past, but that means you really want to do it but did not or could not because of special reasons. I feel better after I did it, then, but often enough there is just the feeling "I did it" and there is nothing special about that anymore.