Do you have friends at work?

Post Reply New Topic

I found it really reassuring reading through your posts, thank you. I'm similar to the person that said they were kind but fragile and I love the advice that was given that you shouldn't waste too much energy on them (not in an arrogant way like you said). The people I work with are not 'nice' but I tend to pick up on anything positive they do towards me as an indication that they're ok with me, then the next minute, they're rude or ignore me, or don't follow instructions, or go above my head and I think 'what happened there?' My first reaction is to think that I did something wrong, then experience tells me that it might be something to do with them, as I find NTs either very emotional or no emotions whatsoever and they seem like clowns, one minute sad or nasty, the other happy and seem to like you - I know that sounds weird. I know from my personal view as a KJV bible believer it is also spiritual and I believe autism is a cross to bear. It also serves to highlight bullying behaviour towards us and I believe it is all recorded and nothing is missed and in the end, it is all accounted for. I get comfort from that and that turns my fragility into strength. I look for positives in work colleagues but expect negatives and try to keep in my puppy like enthusiasm (!) for someone that appears to like me. Does anyone else relate to any of this?

It is hard to know what motivates your colleagues.
Part of the disability that is ASD, is that we are generally very bad at reading people's intentions.

Not being good at reading peoples facial expressions, not being good at regulating our own emotions due to abnormal frontal lobes. Lacking the intuitive ability that NTs have.

But even if we didn't have ASD, I think that a great deal of the time it is hard to work out what other people are up to.
Although i think that having ASD, makes us worry more, as we are in the dark for the most part, relying on our intellect to analyse whats going on instead.

I have had quiet a few different jobs over the years, and to be completely honest, I haven't enjoyed working.
Perhaps its due to the toxic competitive nature of the industries present in the island that i live on, that dictate the type of work available.

I have worked with all sorts of people. Some nice, some not so nice and in some cases, some who are truly nasty.
But alas, we can not change the nature of others. We can only look after our own motivations and actions.

What we can do however, is try and find the people who we are comfortable with to work with.
Or if possible, work out a way to work for ourselves, as self employed. Although the latter is often even harder for someone with ASD to realise, as we generally do not have access to the financial resources required to start up a business as well as the money to cover living costs while we are getting things off the ground.

If working for ourselves, we can work alone and choose who we work with.

I work with guys and the only other female I work with is very unpopular (although I like her and talk to her).

But I find a workplace of mostly guys is easier than a workplace with mostly females. I've always found that if I get really friendly with a female and then another female is added to us, 9 times out of 10 the other two females get chummy and I become the third wheel, even if I'm still in their circle.
But I got good friends with a guy at work, and then a new guy started about a month ago so now there's three of us, and we all get along and there's still no third wheel. It's lovely.

Lots of acquaintances. Only a couple of friends. No intimate friends.

I’m okay with that. I’m not in any “social circle.”

I am the Wolfman. My social circle consists only of myself. I’m on the outside sometimes looking in.

I love being part of a social circle. It's something I never had at school, or when I did try I was denied proper friendships with them because they had to be bitchy.

I'm happy that I am a part of something now. Maybe my social skills have gotten better as I've got older. Or that I'm just working with the right people. Or a bit of both.

My social circle in high school consisted of some guy who put glass in my bowling shoes.

I got out of that real quick!

I'm going to sound like a jerk but hear me out, For one thing, I have a problem using the word " friends" in conjunction with the workplace. From what I've found, the whole workplace and being friends with your co-workers, outside of work causes problems. I know everyone is different but I'll share with you my own experiences, from my younger more naïve days.

I'll try to keep this a concise as I can. One time, about 10 years ago I was drug into some serious BS drama at work. 2 Co-workers whom I considered friends(big mistake!), got into this big ass fight and I got caught in the crossfire. I didn't want to take a side but somehow by default I ended up sort of siding with the person, as much as I tried to stay neutral. There were a few trips into HR, because the other guy started making my life a living hell.

I dealt with this stalemate for a long time, back then, if the economy had not been so bad I would of quit. Luckily, the guy ended up leaving the company along with the other co-worker, plus since then we have had a turn over of people, so pretty much it's forgotten for the most part.

Another time, I got in too deep with this one clique I was apart of, later I found out they were talking s--t about me behind my back, I was kind of stunned to be honest but it was a life lesson I guess, watch what you say and who you say it to at work. I said and shared too much info about myself and it bit me right in the ass. Luckly, like before, all those people are gone now.

I learned after the last time, go to work, make your money, and go home. Now, I am friendly with a handful of people but now I CLEARLY separate work and my personal life. I'm not gonna say I wish I wasn't part of a group anymore but at the same time it's liberating not be, so the latter is the better way to go.

So, I would say I have friendly acquittances at work, however once the day is done and I leave, that's it. I don't bring work home with me anymore. Sorry for the long rant but that's just how I see it.

The last job I had, yes, I had friends there that I would hang out with outside of the office on occassion because we had a common interest that we all met over. We never really discussed personal lives or anything though. I liked those people, and I miss them.

I had another job before where everyone was subtly bullying each other or just mean in general, so I had no interest in interacting any more than necessary and strictly over work-related matters. I survived it, but I don't miss any of them at all. They were quite stressful to be around

My current job, I've had issues with almost everyone, it is one of the least comfortable places I've been in. my problems have been a mix of insomnia, stress, anxiety depression, I have not even hit the 30 day mark.

What kind of work is it?

I forgot to mention, I work in a warehouse environment and have for 16 years.

It's a Bank, if I get another sleep, I seem to be ok. It just seems to be everything I am not great at, short term working memory, multitasking, phone calls, small talk, office politics. one positive is I'm not sore at the end of a shift. I guess if you have lasted 16 years in a warehouse environment, you must handle everything good.

It's been a very strange long trip lol. Working in a bank would be really hard for me I think, work politics are awful and I hate the phone.

I really thought I would like it, it is a train wreck like the rest of 2020.

The people that I work with right now seem OK with me and we work well together, but we're not friends. I would like to be, but they talk about their husbands and pets alot, and I have neither. Im also between 5 and 12 years older than them, so they're not in my age group. I like younger people, but they may feel uncomfortable with someone my age.

Even though I know we're not friends, I feel sad and left out when they sit with each other to socialize while working. I work in a blood bank, so this is frequently possible. I feel worse knowing that they also help each other with their work alot, sharing knoweledge with each other so each of them ends up looking better to the higher-ups than someone who goes it alone.

I also feel sad when I overhear them talking about fun things they did together outside of work. They don't flaunt this, but I hear things every now and then.

They are nice people. I'm a nice person myself, but I have no friends. Since I do spend so much of my life at work, it would be really nice to have a "work friend" to make the day just a bit nicer.