Friendships w/people receptive to adults on Autism Spectrum.

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Anybody insisting that potential acquaintances must be receptive to understanding adults on the Autism Spectrum - who are largely independent?

From my own experiences, I sense that a large part of becoming acquainted with new people stems from the basic fact that new acquaintances likely won't be receptive to understanding adults on the Autism Spectrum - who are largely independent.

Any experiences in "breaking the ice?"

They don't need to know that I'm autistic, specifically diagnosed with autism, nor understand what autism is.

Only that they only have to understand that I'm not NT, I don't 'conform' or 'act normal', that people won't usually get a typical reaction from me.

Because I don't have the usual intolerances that most people with autism have -- sensory intolerance (different from sensitivity which I have), general clumsiness, or anxiety issues.


I also don't have to hide the fact that I have auditory processing and language issues.
I don't explicitly have to advertise it that way either, only that they should draw conclusions on their own that words are not easy for me unless they specifically ask about it.

I also don't have to hide the fact that I stim or fidget or move differently or even stare inappropriately.
If those who I accompany are embarrassed, they should tell me and they have the right to, I know how to adjust and blend at will.


Lastly, I can discuss certain issues, perspectives and opinions without ever uttering a single psych term.
I know how to communicate in a very mundane everyday language of my native tongue.

I don't need to discuss what executive functioning is to anyone who never asked nor understood to begin with.
I don't need to explain my odd behaviors unless they asked and without having to say any technical terms.

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Absolutely not. I've had multiple friends that were not on the spectrum. I was able to make friends easier once I started being polite and read books like "How to Make Friends and Influence People".

What is difficult for me is keeping friends long term. Long term friends probably do need to understand at least somewhat that you have something going on with you. That's usually where friendships will fade, I'll say something dumb that I can't recover from.

So my theory is it's in the initial stages of a friendship where you need to determine "is this person worth an investment cause they'll be willing to understand me". If not, well then find someone who does.

I think people are more tolerant of fidgeting then one would be lead to believe. I think that it's the conversation peice where you need to exceptionally careful. People's just not going to tolerate something that offends them.

Oh yes, I've personally had similar experiences - Thank-you for your feedback!

My goal isn’t to be understood as an autistic person. It’s to be understood as a person. I find when people know I’m labeled as autistic it often gives them a false sense of security. I think PDA(pathological demand avoidance) describes me far better than just autism. It’s still considered a part of the spectrum, but I think it describes my main difficulties better. Sadly it isn’t well known or an official diagnosis. ADHD is a pretty good way to describe me if I have to describe myself with a label. Labels are tools and autism isn’t usually a useful label for me.

It’s only really useful if I need to convince people I’m disabled for whatever reason. Or if I ever end up weirding out Jewish people with my special interest in Jewish people. If I say my brain makes me obsess over things it might help people not find it as creepy. Usually when NTs get obsessed as me with topics it usually is creepy.

Anybody consider participating in arts programs e.g., painting, drawing sculpture in order to become acquainted with new people?

A WP discussion-thread (with 15 posts as of this writing) based on my personal experiences: 'Can Creating Art "Break The Ice" - Encouraging Friendships?' viewtopic.php?t=395602

Just a side note

Anybody feel that the holidays might offer opportunities to "break the ice" so to speak?

The holidays might offer opportunities for meeting new (or reacquainting) with friends, and relatives who are receptive to the concerns of adults on the Autism Spectrum - who are largely independent.

It's also helpful to listen, and observe the social dynamics - that is gleaning potentially important wisdom via osmosis.

Any important experiences lately?

It is very important that people are receptive to autism. I personally have only told 1 of my friends.

Anybody view the WP discussion thread 'Anybody Feel The Holidays Offer Chances To "Break The Ice?"' in the 'Social Skills & Making Friends Forum?'

The discussion thread is ten discussion threads down the list as of this writing.

I have viewed that discussion a little

Anybody want to express their thoughts in writing in the 'Anybody Feel The Holidays Offer Chances To "Break The Ice?"' discussion thread?

If small-talk skills are a strength (esp considering the Autism Spectrum) - consider yourself lucky - and reconsider "breaking the ice" to move thoughtfully beyond small talk with...............thoughtful people!

The 'Anybody Feel The Holidays Offer Chances To "Break The Ice?"' offers good examples to...."break the ice" - opportunities to:

* Develop friendships with people who at least receptive to understanding adults on the Autism Spectrum - who are largely independent.

* Set the stage favoring the development of intimate relationships.

* And make this the last holiday season to spend alone - aside from family.

Let the power of positive thinking become that self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts!

what kind of ice are you trying to break?

IoW what do you want to achieve or accomplish with another person? being able to talk about sex? being able to talk about autism? more than talk? something else?

there's no ice between everyone in this group, or at least it's very thin and fragile ... i hope.

my best friendships and relationships are founded on shared interests. I start by looking for others with the same interests, since i mostly communicate through written words, facebook interest groups have been a blessing. I end up finding some folks interesting and congenial, those are the ones I end up eventually meeting to follow some activity related to our shared interests... convention, seminar, show, etc. that way its not "break the ice" with a complete stranger, it grows out of things you already know you have in common. the process is gradual and takes time.

I was never able to "break the ice" over anybody or around any of my interests, especially not when actively seeking a romantic interest ( I think this is what you might be referring to here?). Best to attend things that are most important to you, interest wise and look for loners and outsiders who might be more receptive to your approach rather than aim at the center of a well formed pack of others. Best wishes.