Is it best to keep having AS a secret

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I almost always disclose, and reactions have been majorly positive (except for work-related settings, which were mixed). At the same time, my symptoms present in a way that if I don't disclose, I can't keep any relationship beyond a few encounters. If I do group work, partner work, etc. at school, I always disclose.

I hide it. I want people to judge me for what I'm good and bad at in reality and not for what I'm supposed to be good and bat at based on Wikipedia. People may see me as mentally disabled or not see me for full which I definetely want to avoid.

There're so many misconceptions about autism, AS and so forth. For the rest I wouldn't like to be known as ''the autistic girl'' by my fellow students.

And as for friendships... I only seem to really get along with autistic people so then it isn't a problem, or even better: Something positive.

Yes, me too -- even just the realization that I'm indicated as being on the spectrum has helped me already by letting me accept that situations I've had difficulty or discomfort with all my life are "okay" to admit to, and to ask for a minute, or even just explain to someone "I tend to get a tad bit uncomfortable with ___"

I realize now I could have always been doing that, but I spent my whole life fighting against even making allowances for things that bothered me, because they don't bother other people and heaven forbid I'm not like "other people"!

I feel now like I don't have to fight anymore, and even if my self diagnosis is something only I know about, what's it's helped with already is me giving myself permission to acknowledge things that are outside my comfort zone, instead of force myself to ignore what stresses me.

I can absolutely and totally relate to this feeling!
I tend to mask my symptoms with alcohol (at least in the years since leaving school, where I just kept my earphones in as much as possible to avoid having to look normal to my peers).
The reason I don't bring it up much is because I don't know others with these issues, in real life. Only from TV or other media, so I can't be 100% sure that others like this would be happy being associated with me. I've made a lot of mistakes in life and if this past week is anything to go by, I'm not out of the woods yet.

Yes, yes and yes. It would take balls for me to disclose this curse to anyone, and I don't have the balls.

My view is:

It's not something to be proud of.

It's not something to be ashamed of.

I don't feel one has an obligation to "disclose."

Based on the social climate these days, I wouldn't "disclose," unless a person is a close friend. Though there are moments where I might spurt out "TMI" to some stranger in the street.

A lot depends on your specific circumstances.

About how old are you?

In what general region within the U.S.A. do you live? Also, do you live in a city, suburb, or rural area? Do you live in a major metro area?

How would you describe the general attitudes of most people there? Do most people you know lean politically left-wing, right-wing, or neither? Are most people you know generally open-minded towards people who are different from the norm in various other ways (e.g. LGBTQ+ people)?

This thread is nearly a decade old…

For over 25 years, no one knew about my diagnosis other than the person who diagnosed me and the doctor who referred me to them. My hyper-focus for awhile after that became figuring out how to appear normal, because autism was so stigmatized back then, and so few females diagnosed. I mask very well with the general public, but it was hurting my marriage and I almost lost my husband because of two AS-related things… (1) his utter confusion at why I shut down or meltdown when I can’t handle processing certain emotions and (2) the woman I thought was my best friend it turned out was using her knowledge of my lack of ability to process emotions normally to push me into that pattern further to try to drive a bigger wedge between my husband and I because she wanted to steal him from me. I had the biggest meltdown I’ve ever had in my life when I finally figured out what was happening.

My daughter, who figured out I wasn’t neurotypical when she studied psychology in college, encouraged me to come clean about it and start counseling (as my husband also suggested) to save the relationship. (Logically, I also cut my so-called friend out of our lives completely.) Turns out it “explained a lot” and he wasn’t one bit surprised when I broke down and told my hubby my secret. Our therapist has been great! She has given him a better understanding of how my brain works, helped us learn to communicate better with each other, and I’ve been letting him guide me through processing so I don’t meltdown or shut down. She also has been encouraging me to trust and rely on MYSELF and my own thoughts about how to do or handle things now that I’m no longer relying on my ex-best friend to tell me what’s normal, or how I should be or react to certain things. Our therapist likes to tell me, “What is normal anyway? Just be yourself!” Hubby and I have been doing better than ever. I wish I hadn’t kept it from him for so long, so we could’ve dealt with the effects on our relationship much sooner and saved us both a lot of heartache.

Since then, I have told the rest of my family, 2 friends (I have very few I consider close), and my bosses and co-workers. My family has always handled my differences amazingly well even if they didn’t understand why I had them (it wasn’t til I went out on my own as an adult I started to really struggle hard with functioning and got the formal ASD diagnosis). At work, I had a few ask me tons of questions, but not in a malicious way; I think they just wanted to educate themselves. My bosses (the couple who owns the company) have been great! He still calls me “the smartest person I know” and continues to rely on my tech and analytical skills. She has told me she still thinks I’m “amazing”, says who I am gives me many strengths at my job, and she’s been a lot more understanding about my social awkwardness now that she gets where my comes from. She does push me out of my comfort zone at times, yet I believe she means well and that it’s for my own good. After being “out” for a few months now, I can say it’s been mostly a good experience so far. It’s actually been kind of a relief. I have a lot more energy now that I’m not wasting so much of it on continual masking. Yet, I’ve been very selective about who I tell, and caution anyone thinking about outing themselves to do the same! Unfortunately, there are a lot of ignorant people and bullies out there too.