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Do you have friends?

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cyberdad
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08 Apr 2022, 9:13 pm

Pepe wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
Jakki wrote:
Have made some friends here …. :D


I've been here since 2011 and I can proudly say I haven't made a single friend.


Awwww. <comfort>
Sanctimony is *not* your friend when making friends. 8)


I think it's a remarkable feat



Pepe
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08 Apr 2022, 9:14 pm

cyberdad wrote:
Awedfellow wrote:
I've always felt like the NT's don't offer a large selection of potential friends to choose from :-)
They are all highly influenced by society's standards and are loath to question them. They cannot converse about any subject that requires divergent thinking, which seems to be just about everything that's interesting.


I'm afraid that describes most of the members on WP as well. It's remarkable how often members on WP claim to be so different from NTs when infact (at least on this forum) most are "tow-the-line" normies when it comes to values/social norms etc. I also find a lot of people here aren't as broad minded as they like to claim.


True dat. 8)



Pepe
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08 Apr 2022, 9:15 pm

cyberdad wrote:
Pepe wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
Jakki wrote:
Have made some friends here …. :D


I've been here since 2011 and I can proudly say I haven't made a single friend.


Awwww. <comfort>
Sanctimony is *not* your friend when making friends. 8)


I think it's a remarkable feat


It is impressive.
Kudos. :thumright:

Perhaps autistic people aren't your thing, you being an NT, I mean. ;)



cyberdad
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08 Apr 2022, 9:19 pm

I'm waiting for Alex to give me a medal



lovelyanathema
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08 Apr 2022, 11:18 pm

I have a few distant online friends, but I don't usually count them as friends because I feel like the relationships aren't very personal. I have no friends.


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cyberdad
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09 Apr 2022, 12:11 am

lovelyanathema wrote:
I have a few distant online friends, but I don't usually count them as friends because I feel like the relationships aren't very personal. I have no friends.


That's my feeling too, online friendships are superficial and 2 dimensional.



SkinnedWolf
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09 Apr 2022, 3:24 am

cyberdad wrote:
lovelyanathema wrote:
I have a few distant online friends, but I don't usually count them as friends because I feel like the relationships aren't very personal. I have no friends.


That's my feeling too, online friendships are superficial and 2 dimensional.

I prefer to find friends online.

Make first impressions by thinking first, not by appearance.
Well-documented past behavior and performance with others.
Think carefully and find information before talking, not verbally.
Can do other things at the same time.
No need to leave the bedroom.


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elal
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12 Apr 2022, 3:04 pm

I have friends, but I always question if they're actually my friends. I get really lonely. Making friends is hard and has always been hard. Anyone have any ideas of good topics to talk about?



D0rf
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12 Apr 2022, 7:18 pm

i have a lot of people im friendly with in my roleplaying game groups but i dont know if id call them a friend because even though i see them almost weekly and we always have a great time i have almost zero interaction with them otherwise.

Besides that i have 2 people i am very close to, they are the only people in my life that i can say are my friends without any doubt or second-guessing.



cyberdad
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12 Apr 2022, 7:28 pm

SkinnedWolf wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
lovelyanathema wrote:
I have a few distant online friends, but I don't usually count them as friends because I feel like the relationships aren't very personal. I have no friends.


That's my feeling too, online friendships are superficial and 2 dimensional.

I prefer to find friends online.

Make first impressions by thinking first, not by appearance.
Well-documented past behavior and performance with others.
Think carefully and find information before talking, not verbally.
Can do other things at the same time.
No need to leave the bedroom.


Yes I do too these days largely because the effort to make F2F friends when you are older and have a family is too much. But are online friends really friends? aren't they more acquaintances?



SkinnedWolf
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12 Apr 2022, 7:38 pm

cyberdad wrote:
But are online friends really friends? aren't they more acquaintances?

I don't think this violates the definition of "friend" in any way.


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You might expect to be able to crush them in your hand, into wolf-bone fragments.
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cyberdad
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12 Apr 2022, 8:48 pm

SkinnedWolf wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
But are online friends really friends? aren't they more acquaintances?

I don't think this violates the definition of "friend" in any way.


Yes probably not. It really is in the eye/emotion needs of the beholder. I have found intellectually stimulating interaction sufficient for my own criteria for friendship.



auntblabby
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12 Apr 2022, 11:30 pm

met some good peoples right here on WP :D



Pepe
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12 Apr 2022, 11:33 pm

SkinnedWolf wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
lovelyanathema wrote:
I have a few distant online friends, but I don't usually count them as friends because I feel like the relationships aren't very personal. I have no friends.


That's my feeling too, online friendships are superficial and 2 dimensional.

I prefer to find friends online.

Make first impressions by thinking first, not by appearance.
Well-documented past behavior and performance with others.
Think carefully and find information before talking, not verbally.
Can do other things at the same time.
No need to leave the bedroom.


Agreed.



Pepe
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12 Apr 2022, 11:34 pm

elal wrote:
I have friends, but I always question if they're actually my friends. I get really lonely. Making friends is hard and has always been hard. Anyone have any ideas of good topics to talk about?


The trick is not to get lonely. ;)
I never do. 8)



auntblabby
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13 Apr 2022, 12:10 am

remember that friendship, true friendship, is a wordless play of give and take. no drama, ever. it is when two people are well-matched in temperament and philosophy as well as possessing mutual affection/love. IMHO the best written description of friendship is the following quote-
"...The comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away." (Dinah Maria Mulock Craik)

but here's the rub, you first have to be friends with yourself for it to work right, and the following quote is the best description i've found for self-love-

"The person who spoke most cruelly to her was her. She decided she would start speaking kindly to herself, replacing any negative words with positive ones. She would choose language that supported, nurtured, motivated and, as often as she could, make her smile. That’s how you treat someone you love." (Kathy Kinney)