Unhealthy Friendship

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Guess I am writing to see if anyone else has experienced what you would call an unhealthy friendship? My dd is 19, freshman in college well I guess that may have been what helped to finally be the straw that over heaped the camel.

My dd has had this one friend since she was about 15. This friend has some psychological problems herself. My dd has felt sorry for her and her problems. Long story shortened the friend has always been controlling, what she likes what she wants that kind of thing. Now my dd does not drive friend does which gave more control. She has tried to tell my dd what to watch, and like all of that kind of thing.

I have warned dd for sometime this was not good, but dd has always felt if she did not have this friend she would have no friend. Well since dd started college it has gotten worse, friend has started throwing tantrums and fits cause dd had to study and did not have as much time for her.

Well, it started really getting to dd and she was stressing really bad I even found her hitting her head on the wall one night when she was home for the weekend. She was crying because she couldn't take this and knew it wasn't fair to herself. So these tyraids from friend were becoming an everyday thing with email, IM's and text messages to dd phone. We at dd request changed her phone number and i have been checking the email so she doesn't have to read anything from the friend. At dd request of course, dd wrote friend and asked to be left alone, evidently the friend had told dd that at some time in past she attempted suiside, which made dd scared that dd not giving in to friends request could make her try again. But dd finally realized she needed to get away from this association even if she doesn't have other friends.

Some of these emails were sounding more like love letters, which really freaked dd out, like I can't live without you or you are my other half. Can't say that they didn't freak me out too. Anyway dd say's she guesses that she could never see the way she was treated for fear of not having friends and the fact that she doesn't really know what she should expect from a friendship, does this make sense considering her AS?

I don't think the friend's intent was to be destructive but it doesn't change the fact that dd was being hurt by all this. I believe this is what the internet refers to as a toxic friendship.

Have any of you experienced anything similar? Does it sound like the AS made this more likely to occur? DD wants to talk with her psychologist but we can't make connections with her right now. DD has not had contact with friend in about 4 days, she says that it feels like a big load has been lifted from her. I am just looking to see if anyone else has been through this and best ways to handle it.

Sorry post is long, not much other way to lay it out.

well its not uncommon for AS people to end up stalking/harassing because they don't realize their behavior has excalated to that ponit, so it makes sense that they might also not first realize they are being stalked/harassed

If one has social difficulties (for whatever reason) for most of their life, stuff like trouble making friends, or not having many friends, when what appears to be a "good" friend comes along, it isn't always easy to realize that they are anything but.

The less friends you have, the more important they will be, and the more "holding on" to them will matter. If it is to the point where it feels like you have one real friend, the thought of going from one to zero seems much more severe than going from twenty to nineteen. Keeping that "friend" happy could seem worth the cost, even if it isn't.

edit: durr..suppose it might be useful to state that I'm only going on my own experiences, and that your mileage may vary.

I had a best friend like that when I was growing up. She was really controling. We broke up in 8th grade, because I wanted to hang out with the druggies since they were depressed (like me). But I never really became good friends with them.
My parents always wanted me to do real well in school, but to be honest, I never enjoyed hanging out with the prepie(they don't do anything but socialize, how boring is that) or nerdy crowd(god how i hate the nerds, I'd like to smack them over the head with an RTFM manual sometime).
I had good friends when I was in elementary school, but that more or less went away by the time I got to high school.

I haven't had any close friends since then (besides my husband), although I have places I discuss my interests.

Oh

What I would do is, if they attend the same university, tell the school's counseling center. I'd bring the matter to the attention of a mental health professional there. If the behavior didn't change then I'd get a restraining order. The behavior by the other friend indicates that it might escalate to violence.

if i ever develoupe any meaningful relationships in my life i will not compromise my belief system or change who i am. if people really want to continue the friendship there just gonna have to either get used to it or find another friend.

tell the school's counseling center and refer this friend for evaluation by a psychologist. If this friend has expressed suicidal tendencies I think that he/she should be reported. I mentioned the restraining order as a last resort.