Are you a good friend

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Are you a good friend to people in your real life or are you kind of neglectful like me

I mean I don't mean to be neglectful but I'm aware that I am

I have one irl friend (although he's currently spending a year in Germany so I guess he doesn't count as an irl friend right now). He has a lot of other friends. So when we talk it's usually me who initiates.

I wouldn't say either of us is neglectful (we're both autistic), he just has more people to talk to than I do so he has less individual attention to give to our friendship. As for me, I've spent enough time with no friends that when I meet someone I'm more likely to be annoying than neglectful.

I didn't feel neglectful for my first two post school peer groups, in fact I felt I was the glue holding the groups together. I spent a lot of energy travelling and communicating, but after my Dad died I was suddenly invisible. Nobody remembered my existence.
I've since reconnected with one of them, who is basically my only city friend. She never contacts me. So I guess she's the neglectful one.
I have a couple of country friends, one is clearly aspie and he rarely contacts me. The other only shows up when he needs weed.

Am I a good friend?... Probably not. My partner says her friends prefer me to her but, seeing as how none have ever contacted me, I'm inclined to doubt that

I had a good friend who I met when I was about 12 or 13 in school

Her whole family took me in as if I was there own and her mother was even going through the process of fostering me...it didn't work out

We was friends until we was both in our 20s but because of my chaotic and somewhat nomadic lifestyle when I was younger I wasn't a very good friend to her but I didn't realise it at the time

I could be gone for months on end and then I'd just show up on her doorstep and she'd take me in as if I'd never been away

I've not really trusted myself to be friends with anyone since then because I know how neglectful I am and I also now know that I probably really hurt her and her family

I wouldn't know how to be. I feel like I would be bothering them if I contacted them and would only be a burden, so I don't.

I also fall into the neglectful category. It's nothing personal against the people who have been in my life, but I require so much alone/down time that I blink my eyes and weeks have passed and I have not sent a text, made a call, whatever. Then I blink my eyes again and months have passed. It never really occurs to me to just reach out and say hi, how are you, catch up and so on. I need some kind of prompt to remember to do that.

Not only do I get overwhelmed easy, I'm also very self-centered and yeah...if I don't feel like being social, I won't be. I'll just be busy doing my own thing and not thinking about anyone else. I think the only people I could be a good friend to are people who also end up needing a ton of space.

I'm not a good friend in the mainstream, but improving very slowly. I can't tune in on what someone needs unless they verbalize it explicitly. I feel bad for hurting others unintentionally

I can definitely be a bad friend at times and I do wonder why people even put up with me. Mainly due to my stubbornness. I don’t always take on useful advice, or I take it on board much later on. Sometimes I can be overly dramatic and lash out because I feel hurt even though I know the tough love is well meaning. I've made more of an effort lately to step back and say "Hey, I know you mean well but I don't think I'm ready for this conversation just yet".

I can be a fairly social person with the right crowd. Although I'll need a fair amount of downtime afterwards. If I feel really comfortable, I may even end up becoming rather hyper and talking fast and / or practically bouncing off the walls. I know I can come across as rather stoic and low-energy but I also have a hyperactive side that can be a bit much. I usually keep that side in check so I don't scare people off.

For some reason, I usually end up being the therapist friend despite being an absolute hot mess of a human being. Sometimes I do say "Hey, I think I'm the worst person for advice on this, have you tried someone else?" or "I have no solutions, I can offer suggestions to take your mind off things but I can't solve the problem itself, sorry, feel free to talk at me though if it helps".

Yes, I try to be as reliable with friends as possible and especially towards the friends who show an interest in me. My problem though is that I often tend to be friends to other people in one-sided friendships.

Depends.

I'm very upfront to everyone that they won't get any 'typical' relationship from me.

This includes friendship.


So it depends on the person's needs.
Does a bad fit mean I'm not a good friend?
Does a perfect fit mean I'm a greater friend?

But people in general are needier than me.
Making a lot of relationships feel a bit one-sided, but I'm all for accomodating people's emotional needs just to kill time.

Except, with time, they gotta understand -- they cannot use that neediness against me.
And that I have way less need towards them. They cannot use that lack of need to abuse me, either.

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I can't remember one's name and hobbies, maybe it's just that I didn't pay enough attention.

Yeah I've never been able to maintain friendships.
When I was younger I would try harder but it didn't really work so now I'm less inclined to bother.

I guess not since I don’t have any friends and haven’t had any in over 10+ years.

While I have relatively few friendships, I belive the ones that I do have are quality over quantity.
I aim to treat my friends like I would like to be treated, so by definition, I am a self judged "good friend" according to my standards.
I would like to survey my friends if they think I am a good friend but it risks being an echo chamber, as if someone sees me as a bad friend they probably wouldn't be my friend.
If we use how many enemy's I have as a metric for "good friend" then I can report that outside of my professional life I have very few enemies.

Potentially. I dont have much energy for socializing in real life anymore.