Being likeable.

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I’ve been told that wanting to be likeable shouldn’t be a priority. Liking myself should be the goal. But, I can’t help myself. I want people to like me. I just want to be an easy person to be around.

(I googled how to spell ‘likeable’. I get the red dotted-line but I think it’s correct)

Hello...

It is something hard to achieve. It is better to just enjoy doing your own thing, and enjoy your life.

The problem with trying to make your self liked is that you will be doing all the work and others will put conditions on what they want you to be like. This is difficult to keep doing. You get mentally tired and if one has done it for too long, one can get burnout/breakdown.

So better to be friendly, but do not change who you are. I hope this makes sense?

Thanks for the reply.

Doing my own thing can, at times, make me feel lost. I know I should be more confident with who I am (punk rock!) but I don’t know. I grew up with sisters. I didn’t talk much. I followed them around when they went shopping, or whatever else. I suppose that I should take charge of my life. I’m not getting younger. Thanks again for your words.

I like trains. Always have liked trains. Punk rock is interesting.

It isn’t easy these days for anyone. As long as you aren’t wooed by a gang, a cult, or an extremist group, you are probably on the right track in life. Be yourself and be kind to others. I think that is the oldest and best philosophy.

Look for potential friends who share your interests, e.g. punk rock, and who also share your values.

Meeting people who share my values and my interests is a daunting task. I like meeting people that don’t take life too seriously. It seems to bring out the better part of myself.

Don't worry about it too much. Be yourself (don't be obnoxious though) and some people will like your company.

If someone is mean to you and you're not doing anything, f**k that, why should you care? If someone is being nice to you don't cling to them unless they cling to you. You'll just make a couple of good friends along the way.

Punk rock? That's cool, what do you like?

Self-love has three meanings: an appreciation of one's own worth or virtue, proper regard for and attention to one's own happiness or well-being, and inflated love of or pride in oneself.

The first two meanings sound too close to the third one, and humility is a core value where I live in, which may be defined: "A quality by which a person considering his own defects has a lowly opinion of himself and willingly submits to others."

I like this about you

I was once told something (very very roughly) like:

"Don't be concerned if someone dislikes you. For anyone you meet who dislikes you, there will be someone else who likes you.

Don't be concerned if someone likes you. For anyone you meet who likes you, there will be someone else who doesn't."

Trying to get others to like you is very different from trying to have a good impact on people. We will generally be easier to be around if we try to be considerate of others, but other times people might dislike us because what they want is different than what they need.

As for liking oneself, I think this is less important than other people believe. The same person said something like that there are two types of self confidence or worth. One is thinking that you have the capacity to do good, to help others, and that there is value and meaning in your life. The other is thinking you are more valuable than others, that what you can achieve is better than what others can achieve, and that other people are not as good as you.

It was clear which one he was advocating for. I would say it doesn't requiring liking yourself as such, though it wouldn't be possible if you hated yourself.

Imo, it's less about being likeable and more about having empathy for people. Listening to them, learning about them, etc.