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luvsterriers
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03 Sep 2009, 12:12 pm

I don't know if its the norm for people with learning disability, aspergers, or something else. Does anyone like going to parties whether it be office related or family related? We have an annual Christmas party at work and I avoid it as much as possible. I either call in sick that day or just refuse to go. There are only 12 of us, but still that's way too much. Everyone is talking about things I have no clue about. It can be work related, politics, family related, etc. But I listen in and feel awful because I'm not normal. When I try and speak, people ignore me or make fun of me. I hate parties that my parents give at the house too. I try and hide upstairs with the TV on. But that is now hard because we have a West Highland Terrier. He likes to see people, so I can't close the bedroom door and keep him in the bedroom with me. I hate it when mom's friends ask me when I'm going to get married. To me that's rude to ask such personal question. Plus just because their daughters got married doesn't mean I have to be. I'm 31, and still single, but I rather be single than be in a abusive relationship. I even hate parties involving family. This may sound sad, but I believe some members of my dad's family would rather want me not living. Does anyone else feel like certain members of your family wishes you were dead? I don't know why I think this. But is it the norm for people with aspergers especially to hate parties? It's all about socializing. NO one else in my family has aspergers. I am half Korean/half white.



:cry:


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Last edited by luvsterriers on 03 Sep 2009, 1:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Aoi
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03 Sep 2009, 12:24 pm

I don't like parties. I've attended a few in the past decade at the request/insistence of friends or family, but once there typically find a quiet corner where I can just be myself, perhaps talking to one person I'm familiar or comfortable with. Going to a party or other gathering on my own requires serious mental preparation.

One thing I've learned is not to feel awful about my absence at parties or my performance there when I do end up at one. I know my limits, comfort zones, and preferences. I just remind myself that most of the NTs in the room would be unable to live the way I do, and cannot do many of the things I find easy. I also tend not to care what other people think about me, something I learned in part from a book by Richard Feynman (title is "What Do You Care What Other People Think?").

I wish I had a suggestion for dealing with your mother. But I get the same question (I'm 40+), so I have none. And certain members of my family have long since stopped contacting me. This I actually prefer, since I'd rather be left alone than in lousy company.



deadeyexx
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03 Sep 2009, 12:30 pm

I'm not a big fan of parties either. I like the relaxed pace of them, so I don't avoid them altogether, but have a hard time participating in them fully. Like you, I also get asked way to many "normal people" questions in an attempt to frame me as something they can understand better. It never works. I find playing a game to be a great way to divert focus off yourself & still enjoy everybody's company, so I often suggest one.

Can't agree that anyone would prefer me not to be alive; that's a little extreme. I do know that my absence would barely have an effect in the grand scheme though. No big deal. I can't say that thier absence would effect me much either, so I try not to be a hypocrite.



duke666
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03 Sep 2009, 12:43 pm

I set a one-hour maximum. I used to show up, say hello, stay for ten minutes, and then sneak out.

I tell people I'm allergic to small-talk, or now I shrug and say "it's an aspie thing". Everyone is cool with it.

When it's my friends, I enjoy listening to their conversations. If I'm not actually participating, I can follow things pretty well. And I'll talk with my friends one-on-one in a quiet area for awhile.

I worked at a place where they had an annual holiday party for the clients, so we had to 'work it'. It was pure hell.


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Willard
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03 Sep 2009, 1:21 pm

Rather go to the dentist.



luvsterriers
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03 Sep 2009, 1:38 pm

LOL :lol: :lol: :lol: Willard!

I rather be doing a final exam for an hour than socializing with a bunch of co workers who gossip and laugh. It's so annoying! Fortunately we aren't required to attend office parties. There are several Christmas parties around where I work. I work for the federal government in DC. Next Thurs there is another party. It's an outdoor event. I am not going at all. I don't care even if the weather will be nice. Every year at my church there is also Labor Day picnic. I went maybe once, but it's not the greatest. Sure I know some of the people who attend the church I go to, but still. It's all about socializing. I can't stand it when I pass by a deli near my office and see a bunch of co workers laughing and socializing. UGH! Sometimes I wish I can socialize more, but why bother when co workers hate me and make fun of me? Sometimes I wish I can listen in to see if they are talking about me behind my back. That's a whole another topic. Co workers denying they are talking about you.


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SingInSilence
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03 Sep 2009, 1:43 pm

I like spending time with my friends, but parties are too loud and busy for me to handle in large increments.

But many parties have cake, which is a plus.


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03 Sep 2009, 1:44 pm

I like parties in a way. I usually have fun at them like everyone else, but they usually also make me pretty lonely too. I feel the same as the OP as far as people having conversations about things I don't know/don't care about so then I can't contribute to the conversation. Also, sometimes it feels like everyone there is friends except me, which makes me feel like an outsider. People don't make fun of me when I try to talk with them though. They usually just kind of smile politely and nod, but are clearly not interested in what I'm saying, so then I kind of hide by the punch bowl or something.



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03 Sep 2009, 2:09 pm

I think office parties are especially awkward. You are suddenly supposed to switch gears and pretend you have a different relationship with your coworkers than you actually do. I enjoy family only get togethers but they are used to me and leave me alone. I went to a party once where I knew people but basically it was one big social group that I was not a part of. I walked into a room full of people and everybody stopped talking at once. :?



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03 Sep 2009, 4:58 pm

I like parties they're fun. Disco ones atleast so I can goof around and dance. I've never had an office party/just chatting with a few nibbles party so I don't know what I'd feel about them, they should be OK if friends are there.


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03 Sep 2009, 9:51 pm

I like parties. However, I don't know how to socialize at them. Earlier a roommate invited me to a country western swing, and I can't dance, while everyone else can. I found it quite embarrassing.



luvsterriers
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04 Sep 2009, 7:01 am

Aimless

That happened to me too! I walk into a party where a bunch of people are talking, then they see me and stop talking. Hmm... :cry: :? Probably talking about me behind my back and laughing about it. That's why I avoid parties. Next Sat we have a party at our house and I will probably go see a movie just to avoid the crowds.


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Seanmw
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04 Sep 2009, 10:34 am

i love parties. :D
it's a good way to meet new people, cut loose with some alcohol, become outgoing and feel normal for a bit.
but they're stressful. and i get that "lonely in a crowd feeling."


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04 Sep 2009, 10:39 am

Never attended one. So I can't really say, but I think it wouldn't be my cup of tea.



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04 Sep 2009, 10:41 am

Sometimes I like a party, sometimes not so much. It depends on my mood on the day, and also how much alcohol I drink. If I fortify myself with several Jack Daniels and cokes, I can blend in quite well. Similarly, I am just as happy to sit in the corner by myself and not talk to people, and I'm too drunk to care. 8)



CaroleTucson
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04 Sep 2009, 3:37 pm

I don't like parties, unless it's a very small get-together with people I already know, and who I already know won't express disapproval to me in a subtle way.