How to confront/deflect rumors about you?

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So among several students at my college and my former high school there have been rumors going around that I'm Autistic or have Asperger's.

I don't care how true these rumors are, I have never told anyone and have no idea who started this, but at least three people I knew in high school have been telling their friends that I am autistic or have asperger's syndrome, and I've started to realize that because they know this they've ceased to regard me as a human being.

I hate scum and if there's one kind of scum I hate more than any, it's mental deficients. So for people to imply that I am deficient is an enormous source of shame and disgrace. The level of dishonor on the part of the people who are talking this way about me appalls me, but I have no idea how to confront them about it.

...if you regard those on the spectrum as deficient beings, and therefore scum in your mind, why then come here to a support site for those affected (as you are, according to your profile) for assistance? Can you explain how you have realized that they do not see you has a human being as a result of this information being shared? Personally, I'm a bit offended by what you've said... but such is life - and I don't see myself as deficient, only different.

Confrontation is unlikely to serve your purposes; it only feeds their words, not your own. If it bothers you so much, then ignore them and continue to live your life... their opinions ultimately mean little in the scope of things. Just my thoughts on the matter.


M.

1. To sort out my own issues and offer advice to those who may share those issues, or perhaps read and/or discuss anything that might be of interest that emerges on these forums.

Sorry you found any of the above post offensive.



While I didn't exactly "trust" the people who've been saying this kind of thing a hundred percent, most are people I've had to work with and spend time in the company of for the past three or four years. I guess I had more faith in their sense of loyalty than I should have. Personality disorders are and always have been a shameful topic to discuss in public. They are one of those "don't ask, don't tell, don't discuss" topics, and using that kind of information (especially when they haven't been able to obtain any official proof in writing) to slander another person is a grievous breach of honor and moral judgment

Appreciate the response; I don't agree that they are shameful to discuss or acknowledge, however. This is something that existed in the void of knowledge, but as time passes things do changes. I do understand that sense of deceit when those who you have some sense of trust or comfort with... makes things awkward and uncertain. But discussing the possibility of someone having a condition is not slander or libel, as far as I am aware. There is a difference between your personal feelings (shame, for example) and the legal/social ramifications of what has been said.


M.

We're not scum, it's not our choice to be Autistic, so the real scum are the ones who find it funny to laugh at people with "deficiencies" like us.

Um, is it not apparent that, if you've never told anyone, your behaviour is strange and obvious enough that people can tell you're autistic without needing to be told? Either modify your behaviour to hide it or accept the fact of what you are. Yes you are indeed scum like us

it looks like you are getting a taste of your own medicine, eh? Kinda bitter, isn't it? Well, they say 'Attitude is all' and if you change your attitude, then you no longer have the problem.
simple

Too bad that's 99.999999999% of everyone. I'd have less of a problem with people saying that kind of thing about me if this weren't the case, but even then being permanently branded by people thinking each and every action I take is because I have a "disorder" or "disease" isn't exactly the cheeriest of thoughts.



What "own medicine" would that be? I don't see how I'm "getting a taste of my own medicine" because I know not to speak ill of someone I know personally by implying that they have a mental disorder. I would never indulge in that. That kind of behavior is sick and hateful and could only emerge from someone having a personal vendetta against me and attempting to marginalize my identity as a human being for it.

I think you are passing judgment values on situations you don't properly understand by comparing them to things they have little to nothing in common with. I'm finding your argument borders on the nonsensical.

How would you feel if people knew that you had a disorder? You would be in disgrace. As for myself, disgrace is not something I can blindly accept. I will either find some way to eliminate this talk about me or I will eliminate myself. Only that would clear my shame.

But you are the one choosing shame, Yupa - people know that I have AS, and I don't find shame in that. There is no disgrace in accepting who you are.


M.

it depends on who. i don't know many people, so i don't care. i don't even interact with many of them. i think i could get along better with my sister-in-law... she is used to dealing with youngsters with neurological differences. at work, it's pretty obvious i'm different. i think i wouldn't care. so what? it all depends on your work environment, though.

how would you be disgraced? this isn't the 1950's, where anything not status-quo was stigmatized. well, from my perspective, anyway. it seemed pretty bad and superficial, but the music and soda was good. hehe. anyway. it depends. do they understand what aspergers is? maybe you should speak up. i don't know what to do in that situation. maybe you should let it go, until someone directly speaks up about it. if they are doing it within earshot, that's just plain rude. maybe you should catch 'em in the act. j/k. i have no idea how that would go down.

Yupa, do you even realize what you post? I got that idea from your quote above,
I post it again here, read it over and see where you think I might have gotten the idea you were judgemental.



what do you see here? Hatred and disgust for the mentally ret*d? What else do you mean by 'mentally deficient?' You feel that way passionately yet you can't stand others that feel that way about you? I am gobsmacked you don't see it.

I wouldn't call it hatred or disgust at all. However my experiences with persons with disabilities have been numerous, mostly centered around a situation in which I was enclosed in a confined space with such individuals, and it was a confined space in which they were given entitlement to physically assault each other and engage in sexual harassment, sometimes assault, indecent exposure, even sexual battery (or by some definitions, rape) Granted those in charge of them were not much better, but I did not see any useful way in which they had been developing their skills or learning to contribute to society while they were allowed to run wild there, flailing and screaming, their actions free from any kind of control or constraint. Those who have awoken to their screams know the dark secrets of the tears that are sometimes ripped in the fabric of life, that can not be patched without leaving evidence of damage. The word "deficient" applied to these people, and it applied aptly.

I understand a few who took the time to respond to this thread mistakenly found themselves threatened by the implication that those with Asperger's were being called "ret*d" or "deficient." However, while I do admit that some of my experiences with others with Asperger's have been generally negative, or even in a few cases pathetic or grotesque, this is not the case. I simply argued that that was merely the common perception. Keep in mind that whenever a person who is known to have Autism or Asperger's does something unusual or out of the ordinary, passerby can't help but comment that they are autistic. "Did you see that Autistic kid," etc.
Remember the article last year about the young Autistic boy who was a genius at basketball? The press tried to milk his Autism for all they could sell it for, arguing that it was "despite his difficulties" and "despite his disability" that he'd achieved any kind of accomplishment. Remember all the "Cure Autism" and "Autism Awareness" stickers you've seen on every other soccer mom's minivan? The public sees Autism as a disease or a deficiency. For someone to be telling people that I have Asperger's is like someone spreading a rumor about me having AIDS. Actually, considering a few (a few, not all) of the Autistic people I and my friends and classmates have had to deal with (message me if you want to hear my stories, though I'm sure I've shared tales of these peoples and their "quirks" already) and the way they acted in public, some people would interpret being told I have Autism as being equivalent to someone telling them a rumor about me being a rapist.

Asperger's is a modern "woman in the attic." It was/is a secret, and one I try to keep to tightly. If anyone asks, I will continue to deny it.

How is it like Aids, I probably would avoid contact with someone who had that (rightly or wrongly morally) because I could catch it from them. Also some people with that disease caught it through careless behaviour.

The experts in the Autism field field are working towards having it recognised in the same way Dyslexia is. Dyslexia is now no longer a word or description that causes people to judge those that have it. Teachers ae simply trained to adjust to it.

"some people would interpret being told I have Autism as being equivalent to someone telling them a rumor about me being a rapist"

This comment is just beyond belief.

well in my case there were many rumors about me.

they thought i can not be so smart and stupid at the same time.
they wondered if i had a "secret life".
they thought i was manipulating them and they gossiped.
(the people from my teen years that "knew" me that is).

i did not try to dispel their ideas, and i went home, and stayed home, and their silly gossip about me went stale a bit faster than their lives went stale.
they never seemed in my mind to be valid thinkers about me, and i found no reason to pay attention to them, and so i never listened to their silly ideas about how i am.

no one can say who i am. even i can not say who i am.
i will not ever listen to a stranger who tries to tell me how i am.

I think what the OP was saying, was that there are NTs out there who consider us to be scum based on their misconceptions of autism and aspergers.

One example would be the classmates in my paralegal classes.They have had bad experiences with those on the spectrum and I have overheard those conversations.This results in them making fun of those on the spectrum and them thinking we are less than human.They make a blanket presumption of all aspies as being bad and being creeps and scum who should be locked up and have the key thrown away based on past experiences.I do not wish to disclose or speak up out of fear that I will be bombarded with hostility and gossip.I accept who I am, but DO THEY?

Today in Law 202,we were doing a confict resolution assignment.One group went on saying that in one scenario, that the legal assistant who was in the wrong was an aspie and said ...oh...maybe that person in the wrong has a mental disorder such as aspergers,and they all started giggling and laughing and calling those on the spectrum ret*ds and other names.

With this type of open hostility, I am too scared to tell them I am on the spectrum.They dont know I am, and I dont plan to say.
It feels the same way as if I were a black person dressed in white bedsheets to be clad as a klansman, and sat in a KKK meeting and heared them saying nasty things about blacks all the while the klansmen were unaware they had a black sitting among them.

Who is "ret*d" ?


ret*d it ?