I hate spontenaity!

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This is particuarly an issue I have with young people. In general, they can't plan ANYTHING in advance worth a damn, and some adults are like this to a certain extent. Here's a couple examples:

There is a friend of mine who was leaving town for the next few months to work at a resort. We wanted to see each other once before she left town. Trouble was, it was absolutely impossible to plan anything more than 10 minutes in advance with her. She absolutely refuses to plan anything, and champions spontenaity as a great thing that all people should practice.

Now, at least I'm willing to be flexible for someone else's schedule when they are local, as was this case. I don't like spontenaity but I can live with it to some extent locally. However, when a friend lives out of town, spontenaity is impractical. Yet, some expect spontenaity even over great distances. My aunt, for example, will suddenly make a snap decision to drive seven hours from her house to mine. We'll have no notice, she'll show up and our house will be a mess, or if we're having a meal we don't have enough to feed her. Nothing personal against her, but it's an annoyance nonetheless.

So, I'm trying to plan a meeting with a friend that used to live here but moved an hour-and-a-half away last summer. I will be working full time next week, so I have to plan things well in advance so I can book the time off. Now if I could get co-operation...

My husband loves to do things on the spur of the moment which I find annoying. I am not saying that I need to plan out every minute if we go somewhere, but even if we have some sort of game plan for the weekend he will suddenly change it. He mentions spontenaity as being some higher level of functioning too.

we seem to be on the same page. I tend to get very anxious or depressed if I don't have the oppurtunity to plan things in advance.



same thing happened to me the other day.

i'm no good with spontenaity. It only serves to make me an anxious jibbering wreck!
i need to know hat i am doing day to day and if i'm going somewhere i need to know everything. By that i mean, where i'm going, how long it will take me to get there, is there possibility of delays, etc.
I am officially a nightmare, which my new boyfriend s discovering!

Happened yet again today. I was supposed to meet up with a co-worker after work today, and they tried to duck out 15 minutes early without telling me (I don't know how she even get permission). Nice try. I noticed and found her, and she had a call from her roommate saying that she came home and made something to eat.

So what am I doing this evening? Nothing, yet again, because no matter what, plans ALWAYS fall through at the last minute, without failure. And there is no reason for me not to take that personally. This is part of why I don't have a social life. People either absolutely refuse to make plans, or they make plans and they change their mind at the very last minute. And that even goes for group school projects. The very, very rare time I get to go out with anyone, I have been known to go when I am very ill, because I know it'll be my only opportunity for a very long time. Last December for example, I had a severe respiratory problem where I had spasms where I was unable to breathe and was coughing constantly, but I still jumped at the chance to go somewhere with someone. I almost should have been in the hospital, it was that bad.

Spontenaity can go to hell. I won't cry. I'd even pay to be the one to put a gun to its head. For many of the rest of us, the mourning will be thousands of times bigger than for Pope John Paul II.

I have to have my Week planned in advance. I don't like to be spontanious.

I am spontaneous and like to be so as long as i am in control. but hate it if someone asks me to be spontaneous and do something for them on the spot or short notice and dsoes not leave a time buffer for me to put it off and carry on with the matter i am doing now....
I don't like these controlling interruptions but it depends on the liking i have for a person though i willl not pander up to them....

My hubby is SO like this. I am the planner, plan everything. Our girls are Aspies, I have a schedule we follow on a daily basis (we all love that, trust me but for HIM!), and I would schedule more if he would allow me.

I do like that he makes me break out of being so very scheduled all of the time...but on the other hand, it is annoying that he can't abide by any of my schedules, lol

That's the crux for me-if my activity is my choice, then okay-if it's an external mandate, I bristle.
I half plan/micromanage intricacies & half "make it up as I go along". I need to have plans "just in case", yet also the freedom from structure in order to "go with the flow". Sudden change is stressful, but if it's because I don't want to follow the plan, it's less stressful for me to be spontaneous. I can say I'll do this then, but when time comes I've changed my mind so alternative is more appealing.
Hard to make plans because I can't predict whether I'll still be agreeable about doing activity in future. Have tough time being spontaneous because I draw a blank (the possibilities are endless, yet I enjoy so little...) Avoid socializing bc. I don't want to disappoint someone by not showing up where & when I'd promised.
I unintentionally communicate "mixed messages" constantly, bc. I genuinely am conflicted about almost everything I say or do.
Of course, depends on how one defines these terms and situation it involves.

The universe is in essence dynamic, if you can't adapt to it, then you're going to keep failing.
I hate it when people don't show up in time for trains and movies and so, but one must learn to improvise and be flexible.
So I realized long ago that reality worked like that, and that if I were to get anything done, I would have to do as reality dictates.
I have plans, but I'm not stumped when (not if) they don't work out.
Or as Sunzi wrote:
"Water shapes its course according to the nature of the ground over which it flows; the soldier works out his victory in relation to the foe whom he is facing.
Therefore, just as water retains no constant shape, so in warfare there are no constant conditions.
He who can modify his tactics in relation to his opponent and thereby succeed in winning, may be called a heaven-born captain."

In war, things almost never go according to plan, so in order to succeed, they must constantly improvise.
For me, normal life is like war, minus the killing. It's equally chaotic, so tactics and flexibility is a must.

Ellcim, it didn't go as planned so you went home and did nothing?
Then you have to ask yourself, do you want to have a social life at all?
If so, you will have to learn how to adapt, and there is reason for you not to take it personally, because that's just how the world works.
When plans fail, you don't give up. You retreat and regroup.

Check out: http://www.chinapage.com/sunzi-e.html

I hate doing things new that I haven't done before. It really kinds of freaks me out.

Geez, that sounds exactly like one of my NT buddies who means well but gets on my nerves when he does that! By the way, here's the whole story.

Spontaneity is one thing and actually being any good at it are quite another. Beyond simply acting on impulse, true creative spontaneity means seizing opportunity, sense of occasion, quick wit, daring, responsiveness to mood and ambiance. Lacking impulse formation to make plans does not actually assure spontaneity in compensation. It only deepens the rut, by falling back upon sheer habit.

I don't like that either.

I fequently act like I am spontanious but in reality it is just an act I carefully plan out almost everything with multiple back up plans so at time I appear spontanious but I have a hard time without some sort of plan

Improv often actually falls back upon repertoire.