"Coming Out" Aspie on Facebook

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Facebook is my main method of socialization, so I'm really torn about this. On one hand, this is who I am. I am a person with Asperger's. I am proud of who I am. Knowing the truth has given me so much comfort and I want to be open and honest with everyone in my life. I thought I was just the "weird kid", growing up, and I'm happy that there's more to it than that.

On the other hand, there are so many people who see Asperger's and ADHD as the diagnoses dujour and refuse to take them seriously. I've already seen some of the negative backlash from this attitude and I'm worried about opening myself up to more.

I'm not sure what to do. Am I just asking for more hurt or should I see this as a chance to weed out the people who don't belong in my life?

I would normally go with the no fear approach.
I tend to talk about it the same way I would talk about being a woman, it's a non-issue, it's nothing bad or shameful, it just is - like if someone was to make a sexist comment if they were to make a negative comment about asperger's I'd pull them up for it, it's their problem not yours. Depending on the situation I may cut-out that person.

With that said however...
I have on my info that I'm aspie, but I have yet to really discuss it on updates, I keep making updates talking about my frustration with unemployment, today it was about how useless my disability adviser is, and an old friend from high school asked me what my disability was, in a concerned sweet kind of way. I deleted the update rather than tell her, it's not out of shame for what I am, but that it is a non-issue and I would worry about people thinking differently about me. When I knew this friend I was far worse than I am now, the label of asperger's would just explain that, it's not like I've suddenly picked-up some sort of illness, and most people I know will know there's something a little 'odd' about me so would understand my being aspie.

I babble - I think you just have to not so much announce it but just mention it when it comes up, like it's no big deal, because really it's not. If people ask about it answer their questions, if they make jokes then respond accordingly, a comment of 'we always thought you were a little odd' is okay but say if people refer to you as a ret*d or 'assburger' I'd say ditch them.

Always be yourself and never be anything else. If they can't accept your Aspergers, they are not friends you should want to have.

My FB profile photo is a tongue in cheek joke about autism being the next step in human evolution. I don't care what people think about it because I could give a rat's patoot about most of those smarmy insincere @ss clowns I went to school with. They ignored me while they kissed each others' butts then and they could care less about me now. The feeling is mutual. The only reason they wanted to 'friend' me in the first place is because they recognized my name from the yearbook. The only people I actually communicate with through FaceBook know me well enough that they'd know I had AS whether I posted it publicly or not.

The point being, anybody who looks down their nose at you for having autism was never your friend anyway. Joke 'em if they can't take a rut.

I wouldn't do it. Facebook isn't a real social outlet and there is no reason IMO to invite judgment by revealing something so personal and misunderstood

I'll leave comments about it but I've never really made a bulletin explaining what it is.

When I disclosed on Facebook, I explained what Asperger's is by drawing cartoons. It was a way to give educational information, but also use humor, and people really responded positively.

Here is the link if you'd like to use it. Or, if you're the creative type, you may want to write your own personal explanation in whatever medium you choose. It sounds like you have a positive outlook, and if you convey that to others, they will probably share that outlook.

I would never consider informing 50% of my FaceBook companions as to my condition. They may speculate that I am intelligent by reading my statuses, but unless they have read about the condition, it seems unlikely that they would suggest that I have AS. Several FaceBook companions have suggested OCD, but I have assured them that is merely Mysophobia, and not OCD.

It depends upon your relationship with your FaceBook companions in the real world. If they are all friends, they I see no rationality in refraining from informing them, but if they are colleagues, then perhaps inform them via PM.

I just posted my aspie quiz results to resounding disinterest. Maybe they didn't understand what it was.

People probably already noticed that you're a bit unusual, now you've got a word for it.

I now have a policy of selective disclosure. If it seems particularly useful or fitting to disclose to individuals, I do.

I have few facebook friends and I'd trust most of them to be easy with it. I guess it all depends on how you are using your facebook account.

Facebook does have functionality that allows you to make groups of facebook contacts, and then you could disclose only to the people in a particular group. I have one for family, one for 'close' people and then the rest.

Thanks, everyone, for all your input. About a week ago, because of a thoroughly unpleasant exchange between my very liberal self and a very conservative former schoolmate, I made a list of my Facebook friends I still want to have some form of contact with but whom I don't feel should have access to everything I post. I call it my "People Who Don't Need To Be In My Business" list.

I've kind of been dropping hints here and there and I think I've reached the point where I am going to write a full post on it. I had a long conversation with my best friend yesterday and it really made me feel like I need to be more open to avoid misunderstandings. We've been friends since I was sixteen and she was fourteen (we're thirty-four and thirty-two now) and, since my diagnosis, she's been acting strangely. It turns out that she's afraid of the way things are changing. I am redefining the way I communicate and the way I navigate the world around me. She told me she feels like I'm the big sister who is maturing beyond her and she's the annoying little brat trying to get me to play like I used to. She worries that my long standing NT facade means that our friendship (our sisterhood, really) hasn't been real.

It was all a misunderstanding because I hadn't yet opened up and explained things to her. Now that I have, we both feel better. At the same time, I am also reaching a new understanding with my mother, who apologized to me the other day for not understanding me when I was growing up. Not knowing why I was different made it hard for her to know how to deal with me.

Seeing how full disclosure is helping me to be understood after all these years of feeling like I didn't make sense to anyone (even myself) has led me to feel that "coming out" is the right step for me. I am prepared for people who may react negatively. That's what unfriending is for. I don't need people in my life who don't accept me as I am.

I would/do refer to it and let people I care about knowing but wouldn't announce it to everyone as such in a status or note or something. A few people I know and who have experience of or know about autism figured it out from things I've said/shared/etc like a good friend I met through a craft forum husband has aspergers and she had figured out so did I before I told her

What would be the point?

Most people have no clue what Asperger's is and have no interest learning about it.
It could lead to others seeing you as different, not "normal". I would be careful who you tell, not everyone is so understanding.

Hmm, you all seem to be for catering towards other people's needs rather than accepting who you are. Interesting.

Meh. At this point I'm pretty sure no one has ever seen me as "normal". When I was a kid, I was okay with being different and as I got older, I started trying to wedge myself into what I thought people expected me to be. Now, I'm learning to accept who I am and I'll be happy to weed out anyone who decides they can't do the same. I'm not living for what other people want any longer.

LOL.
People already see me that way. Asperger's gives a name to it, that's all.

I am just beginning to learn how to do this so don't take me for pretending to be an expert, but I'm finding that 'catering towards other people's needs' is necessary for them to understand me and the way I work/communicate, in order for other people to communicate better with me (and vice versa) is synonymous with self-acceptance and self-disclosure. Everyone has a need to understand another person's viewpoint, and most people are not intuitive, observant or psychic enough to piece this together through the small clues I give out naturally.

That said, I rarely use Facebook anymore but would say that posting a link to a video or article that you feel resounds with your view of AS would be a good way to bring about insight into the condition before you disclose.

Last edited by eudaimonia on 27 Jan 2011, 11:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.