I often find no sense in what other people say to me

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F5c_wZ3_414e_X5
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17 Sep 2006, 12:24 pm

I don't know if it is an aspie thing. But I often find no sense in what other people say to me. They tell me about their social life, about their relatives/friends/acquaintances. And I think: that doesn't concern me at all, what should I answer? And I say some nonsense like "Oh.", "hm.", "ok", "that's cool". I usually have only one idea, and I want to talk about it all evening, and analyse it. But people tend to change topics very quickly.

Sometimes I think that I live in my own world with very clear boundaries, and there is only me and my obsessions in this world. I think that it is enough. I want to research my current obsessions and always talk about them. And if people say something about things outside my world, I understand it as danger to my boundaries and possibility of chaos. I am happy with my boundaries. I think that I may apper (or am) selfish, self-centered, self-absorbed. I think that people shouldn't like me, but some people do. I am afraid it will not last long. Why do they like me? Are they happy when I seem to ignore them and their feelings, when they have to do what I say, when they have to talk about one thing over and over again?



Hazelwudi
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17 Sep 2006, 4:56 pm

I suppose I lucked out... curiosity regarding the human condition is my most longstanding obsession, heh. This makes it a bit easier to listen to what on an emotional level I feel to be uninteresting drivel... from an intellectual standpoint at least, it is interesting.



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17 Sep 2006, 6:10 pm

I have that a lot. It sounds like you deal with it better than I do. Sometimes I accidently say the wrong thing.



Artfulia
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17 Sep 2006, 8:07 pm

I get that way sometimes too, though often times I just like to hear what people are saying. My advice to you is to try and change the subject or find an excuse to end the conversation.



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17 Sep 2006, 8:43 pm

i think thats one of the things that comes along with Ad, not being able to engage in "small talk" ?
its happend to me what i do is i'll say the same thing over and over like "yeah ahuh" or "oh really" untill they shut up or stop talking



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18 Sep 2006, 1:16 am

I approach people as a riddle. Why do they say what they are saying? Why do they behave as they do? To what end? Have I seen anything like this before, from other people? If so, how are those other people similar or different to this current person? Are the beliefs of this person realistic, or do they reveal at least one area in which their perceptions are out of whack with reality? If it is out of whack, why are they screwed up in this manner? Did something happen to them in the past to make them this way... a traumatic event, how they were raised, etc... or have they always been so? Is their perception self-serving... something to shield their ego from what would otherwise be a terrible realization about themselves or the world in general? If so, should I try and shatter it? It will likely cause them psychological pain... do they deserve such? If so, how should I best go about it? If not, are they so badly off that the shattering would actually be the lesser of the evils?

<== Living proof that inhumanity doesn't automatically preclude some form of idealism. ;)



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18 Sep 2006, 5:41 am

F5c_wZ3_414e_X5 wrote:
Sometimes I think that I live in my own world with very clear boundaries, and there is only me and my obsessions in this world. I think that it is enough.


This is almost exactly how I feel. As if I exist in a complete world consisting of myself and my interests, and there's no need or wish for anything else - indeed, my thoughts are always so busy that it feels like there's no *room* for anything else.



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18 Sep 2006, 6:52 am

F5c_wZ3_414e_X5 wrote:
Sometimes I think that I live in my own world with very clear boundaries, and there is only me and my obsessions in this world. I think that it is enough.


Same here. It's planned out with me. The entrance is locked and I'm the only 1 who can get in and get out. In this "world" there is everything I need and it is such a great place for me. I like it that it is only my world and no one elses. :)



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18 Sep 2006, 1:56 pm

F5c_wZ3_414e_X5 wrote:
Sometimes I think that I live in my own world with very clear boundaries, and there is only me and my obsessions in this world. I think that it is enough.


I've never understood that line of thinking. I'm an aspie and I almost feel the exact opposite: that my life is a small part of society as a whole, and focusing soley on MY needs would be unfair to everybody else.



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18 Sep 2006, 4:54 pm

F5c_wZ3_414e_X5 wrote:
I don't know if it is an aspie thing. But I often find no sense in what other people say to me. They tell me about their social life, about their relatives/friends/acquaintances. And I think: that doesn't concern me at all, what should I answer? And I say some nonsense like "Oh.", "hm.", "ok", "that's cool"....


I know exactly what you mean! This happens to me a lot. Sometimes I'm lucky to even mumble a "Hmm"! - I usually go a bit quiet!

Does any one else do this - I sort of think answers to questions in my head, but never get arround to saying the answers out loud. I get so wrapped up in analising the question, possible meanings of that question, the possible answers to all those meanings, that 2 minutes later I am still just sat there being silent.....


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18 Sep 2006, 6:52 pm

Quote:
its happend to me what i do is i'll say the same thing over and over like "yeah ahuh" or "oh really" untill they shut up or stop talking-- waterdogs


...and me, and I don't do it because I want to, but because I honestly can't think up in such a short amount of time the kind of response that they are wanting to hear.



parts
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18 Sep 2006, 8:43 pm

I've told people say it quick and to the point as few word as possible. It do not always get a good reaction but at least I understand all the beating around the bush just makes me crazy I actually prefer things in writing in list form


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Hazelwudi
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19 Sep 2006, 12:25 am

Be honest here. Are you never curious about these fascinating, infuriating things... humans... at all? Come on, now. :P



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19 Sep 2006, 10:30 am

Hazelwudi wrote:
Be honest here. Are you never curious about these fascinating, infuriating things... humans... at all? Come on, now. :P


I do. I have grown up around NTs. See. my mum thought it was best for me to go to a school around NTs. At this time my mum knew I had AS. The school said "they would give ALL the support". They were just saying that so I would go to that school. No help whatsoever. I am absolutely intrigued by these...hew...oh yes..humans.



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19 Sep 2006, 12:37 pm

I grew up around them as well... but I'm still curious about them. Particularly the more nonnormative ones.

(And for the record, things do get much better once you're in college, so hang in there.)



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29 Sep 2006, 11:06 am

Unfortunately, I find it hard to get really interested in what is going on in the lives of others. I care about my immediate family (wife and kids), but other than that it is really hard to care that much (generally speaking). Unless I can relate to the situation, I really don't know what to say. I'm also not sure if my opinion is going to be accepted well by them, as I have some views that tend to go against what the majority thinks/feels.