"But you don't /seem/ like you have aperger's..."

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Does this ever happen to anyone else? I've expressed at times that I find some social interactions stressful and difficult and generally the response I get is, "But you're not socially awkward!" or "You don't seem like you have Asperger's"....followed by a "You're just too cynical/sardonic/intense/etc." I've been doing some reading about mental disorders and I gather that this happens often - if people can't see the disorder, they assume that it has no real medical basis and that the person is just stubborn or something. It's frustrating.

This is because of two reasons:

1) People are ignorant.
2) They're BSing you because they think it's polite.

Yes, it happened to me, and yes, it's f**king annoying.

If things were always what they seemed to be, there would be no need for science.

When I get this reaction, I make a mental note to avoid this person in the future if at all possible.

Problematically, most of these people are among the few that I consider friends...I think they're just trying to make me feel better, which is nice, but all it really does is invalidate my own experience of things. Ugh -_-

Skinny, I was going to modify my remarks to reflect your last comments. Now, I'm glad I did.

The only thing that really offends me is a bad attitude. While I've never had anybody suggest in a friendly manner that I don't have AS, more than a few detractors have said that to me. Your case is obviously different. The way I look at those cases is that since I frequently say the wrong things to people, I try to be forgiving when they do the same thing--at least as long as their hearts are in the right place.

I have the same experience - it does feel invalidating. My friends just don't say anything about it; I don't think they know what to say; which is awkward. I'd like them to ask me about it, so I could explain some of the symptoms and how I experience things. But I think there is a taboo about talking about this stuff.

People often deny that i have Asperger's when I tell them. I try to explain that when they dispute my condition based on the fact that "I seem so normal," they are actually implying that there is something "wrong" with being different. I don't think that there is anything wrong with it.

People do the same to me, I don't let it bother me anymore. It was like "you seem normal" then later they get mad at me for some reason or another that was me being inconsiderate that is somehow related to me being unaware.

Not that many people know I have it, only my close friends and my family.

I had to explain what it was to most of my friends and all of my family.

I'm 47 and have spent my life learning to act "normal" so if they say I don't seem like it, I tell them "Well thank you, I'm undercover and if you knew I had it then I would lose all my superspy powers from the Autism CIA."

A couple of them said "Ooooooh, I knew there was something wierd about you" I did not take offense. There is something wierd about me but I've simply turned it into eccentricity. I tell them "Yeaaaaaaah, that! It's a real condition, not just wierdness"

I'd consider it a complement, I'd love to have someone say that to me, isn't that the main goal for aspies anyway? Fitting in and acting normal?

Not for me, at least.

It's probably because you don't fit the stereotype of Aspergers of being a math expert. People think I don't have it because I'm not a nerd who is an expert at math or computers.

LOL, i love this :]

I think females are less suspected of having it because I think women on the spectrum are more animated than men in their body language and tone of voice, maybe they pick up social cues easier or maybe the phenotype for AS is different for women. I think that's why we see some females who get diagnosed later in life than males.

Me either.

Not really - for me, but when it's necessary, it can be helpful to make an effort - like if I had a meeting at work.


I told my Mum I think I may have AS; I recounted many examples from when I was a young child through adolescence through present day that exemplify the behavior of an AS person. She had even brought me for counseling when I was a teenager. But now, she, of course took my suspected diagnosis personally and questioned her own parenting skills....*sigh*
I guess if I did decide to get an official diagnosis with my parents, my Dad would have to be the objective one.