"you need to go out more!"

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NO. no i do not.
my therapist repeatedly tells me that i should make a lot of plans, that i need more friends, bllllah blah blah.
no. no no no no. i know it's cliche to say, but people are exhausting to me! i can't constantly go out and she's not understanding that. i've told her that i disagree over and over but she still pushes the issue. she thinks that it would be good for me but i don't.
i think i'm going to just start lying and saying that i've actually got a lot more plans than i do. but i am really bad at lying. is there an easier solution? xx

What about scheduling one thing once a week, or even every other week? Some compromise where you don't feel overwhelmed, and your therapist doesn't feel stonewalled?

the thing is, i have. i have a lot of things going on every week. i go to the library, i'm starting dance lessons, i go to church sometimes, i go to my friend's house at least twice a month, i talk with the neighbors...but that's not enough for her

Your therapist should be working with you, not dictating to you. Make it clear that you don't feel moving more in that direction is right for you. To be honest, what she seems to be pushing sounds pretty nightmarish.

Do you still live with your parents?

Can you change Therapists? she sounds like she's not very understanding to your needs.

I actually agree with your therapist, twice a month isn't enough to get out.. going to the library isn't social, shes thinking for when you are alone, how can you live a normal life getting out so little.. answer is you can't.. im guilty all the same of barely leaving the house but i intend to rectify that this week.. i used to act like an Addict, id be in denial id convince myself chit chat with the neighbour is enough..
id pretend that going out with my friends friday night had me fixed for atleast another week of indoor time.. going to the supermarket? oh that counts.. no it doesn't
Your therapist wants you to become a productive member of society... how could you function if you are alone.. and only left ever so often?

What the hell?

Normal for whome exactly?

You've got to be real careful telling someone what normal is, doubley so around here. I don't know what your smokin' but you've got to give that stuff away. It's rotting your brain.

To sickity;
Practicing socialising isn't such a bad thing, but you've got to do it on your terms, when you are prepared to do so. I know full well how overwhelming it is sometimes. But practice is a good thing, and socialising is a good thing (provided it doesn't take away from your life and projects at home).

I socialise once to twice per week. And I find that plenty.

Actually i don't need to be carefull telling anyone what normal is, spending your life inside cooped away is not normal nor is it healthy, how can you function as a human with such little interaction and live a fulfilling life answer = you can't i know this just as well as anyone from actual experience.
What happens when your support network dies?
you gonna avoid eating because the shop is too much effort?
The therapist is clearly trying to get her to engage in meaningfull conversation, not garden fence stuff...
And i fully expect this to be met with the same kind of derision as before, because some people will fight change with every last fibre of their body.

Last edited by DefinitelyKmart on 21 Jun 2013, 10:32 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Your therapist is clearly not qualified to treat people with Asperger's.

If she had any understanding of the condition at all, she'd know just how exhausting social contact is for people with AS, who have to do extra mental work to take part in it, and that they need significant time to recover.

Among both Aspies and NTs there are people whose judgement of others is so often founded on how their own strengths and weaknesses affect them, and so many individuals are oblivious to the fact that other people can be very different.

And with that failing this one decided to become a therapist!

If a therapist can't (or won't) see the whole picture, they can't help you. That's just a fact, because they can't treat half the problem while ignoring the rest.

-

If you have Asperger's with pronounced communication difficulties, then you are kind of in a catch 22 situation:

You socialise, and you're expected to do so to the same extent as everyone else. People rarely accept that you find it exhausting, and can't keep it up day after day. For us it can be like jumping into a college course, when we're still at elementary level, and we're not given an opportunity to catch up at a rate we can handle.

Because of that, on top of the exhaustion, the more we're pushed to socialise the more we're faced with our own failure, as we regularly misunderstand others, and they misunderstand us, which only gets worse the more exhausted, anxious and overloaded we get. Meanwhile, we're seeing other people succeed in the kind of relationships we'd really like to have, rubbing it in our faces even further.


Alternatively you could withdraw completely, avoiding the anxiety, over stimulation, and constant reminders of how you suck at relationships. Then the problem is that the isolation and lack of human contact is just as depressing as trying and failing at it, and without taking part in some socialising, we get even worse at it.



You need to be at a place between those two extremes where you are comfortable, where you can build a good foundation of skills and support. Any movement needs to be at a rate that you can handle, and are comfortable with, to avoid the setbacks that come from overextending yourself. It can take a long time to recover from meltdowns or breakdowns, and regain your confidence, so it's not worth pushing yourself to the point you risk them happening.

Bull. Being a productive member of society doesn't have to include striving for "normalcy" or meeting an outside standard of sociability. I've seen the mindset that it's not what's going on internally that counts, it's striving to maintain a smooth surface. I don't agree at all.

At what point did leaving the house more than 3 * a month become striving for normalcy? by staying in all the time, we become robbed of actual experiences...
Im not saying do this for the greater good, do it for the party, do it for the nation.. im saying do it for yourself because its who you owe the favour to..

According to the OP, he is getting out pretty often. But on a more personal note, how is getting out simply to "be social" providing any benefit when it's exhausting, leads to public meltdowns, and there's no enjoyment to be had from anyone? How is putting myself in a miserable position, and causing discomfort to others a favor by any stretch of the definition?

Therapists are supposed to be like navigators to help you get through things. They aren't supposed to be like your mom or like a school teacher or whatever, where they tell you what to do and then punish you somehow if you don't do it. It sounds like you are in some sort of power struggle with your therapist about this and that isn't a good thing. If you don't want to do something your therapist says, that is your right to make that choice, even if it isn't the best decision, and she should not make you feel bad for that.

You seem to get out of the house a lot more than many of us do. If you are fine with the amount of socializing you are doing then that is ok. If you want to try to do more socializing that is also ok. But it is ultimately your choice either way and not your therapist's. If she keeps pushing you to do things you really don't think are good for you, or you are not ready for yet, I would seriously consider quitting her.

in what way did you read he was getting out often? speaks to neighbours? out twice a month with friends? church sometimes(read rarely) thats not a life at all.
Why should i go out? because it gets easier every single time.. there is a whole world out there and it is unhealthy spending all day inside gathering a monitor tan, hes not saying go forth and multiply.. just get out vary your routine.. it will keep depression away... Its pretty easy to try and lock yourself in a bubble, then the worst part is you reinforce it by saying "oh well once a week thats lots"
just go out for an hour do something small and return home..
Answer me this, if op is going out 3 times a month.. hates human contact.. when his/her guardians die, how will op be able to cope in the supermarket alone?

And fyi when i first got told to get out more i hated it too.. but i wish i had listened sooner.

I'm not familiar with the OP' s living circumstances, so he'll have to answer that for himself.

I run into this problem...go where to do what? I work part time, and have a family that needs my attention. Classes aren't an option, and I don't really have friends in the area. I'm not religious, and there just aren't a lot of options for structured activities in the area I live. So, monitor tan it is for now..