Does having facebook help wth getting social skills?

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alessi
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04 Feb 2014, 7:20 am

I was just wondering if Facebook helps to develop social skills.
I am not certain that it does. I have lots of 'facebook friends' but hardly anyone to go to lunch with or see a movie with on the weekend.
Other than that it just makes me even more depressed to read everyone's descriptions of everything they are always doing with all their friends. It makes me feel even more isolated.



ezbzbfcg2
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04 Feb 2014, 7:30 am

This is just my opinion:

Facebook does NOT help one become more social. It is designed for people who are already very sociable in the real world. In many ways, it's an extension of their 'real world aura,' and if you think having Facebook friends will make you more socially adept, then you don't understand the dynamics of socialization in the first place.



hurtloam
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04 Feb 2014, 7:57 am

I don't think it helps either. I read about this study that links Facebook/Social Media use with negative feelings of depression and jealousy. So yeah, I think that if you are already social then it's a place to show off your sociability, but if you are not social it can make you feel alone in a room full of people.

Here is a link to the article I read:

Article in The Economist



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04 Feb 2014, 8:18 am

I don't think it helps either. Besides what the above replies stated, I also feel that:
1 - I don't understand things that people say on facebook. They use slangs, make facebook jokes, abbreviations, emoticons, it's very confusing.
2 - I don't know what to answer, and when to like, share etc. I don't understand their "rules"
3 - I hate having to answer messages people send me etc. I prefer being on my own with no social obligations. Having to do it makes me anxious.

And I think those are related to aspergers. It may be yours or others' case too.



alessi
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04 Feb 2014, 8:24 am

The only thing is that I occasionally have some good talks to people via the chat. I am quite nervous about meeting people in person and I don't have many people who invite me to meet them in person, but I get really lonely. So sometimes having a talk to someone via the chat makes me feel less lonely.

But seeing all the updates along the lines of, 'all these people are in a cafe that is five minutes walk from where I live but they wouldn't dream of inviting me', is what makes me feel really low.



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04 Feb 2014, 8:32 am

I don't think so, no. Online interaction can be a learning experience, but it's not the same as it is offline and without feedback there might not be much improvement. When you're talking to someone online, you're sitting at the computer and focused on text on the screen with no tone, body language, or expectation to respond instead of staring off into space...

When people use it as a tool for comparison, it does become damaging. Few people show the negatives on Facebook where everyone, potentially even employers, can see it, so it can look like everyone has a perfect life filled with friends, family, and money no matter what's actually going on.



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04 Feb 2014, 8:33 am

alessi wrote:
The only thing is that I occasionally have some good talks to people via the chat. I am quite nervous about meeting people in person and I don't have many people who invite me to meet them in person, but I get really lonely. So sometimes having a talk to someone via the chat makes me feel less lonely.

But seeing all the updates along the lines of, 'all these people are in a cafe that is five minutes walk from where I live but they wouldn't dream of inviting me', is what makes me feel really low.


Yeah, I feel the same. I can't give up facebook because it would make me fell too isolated.

I also hate it when a friend says something like: "had a great time today with x and y. Thanks guys." I know they are saying thank you for the invite to be polite, but what happened to texting the person who invited you or if you want to be really polite, sending a small card. It looks more like boasting when you put it on facebook.



alessi
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04 Feb 2014, 8:59 am

Yes I agree. It is just boasting. Its just like the braggarts in high school except now they can broadcast it to even more people.



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04 Feb 2014, 10:50 am

Facebook, Google+, MySpace, etc. are nothing but a waste of time and network resources, as well as being massive security problems.

While I have a Facebook and Google+ account, I seldom use them.



Persevero
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04 Feb 2014, 12:05 pm

Completely agree with hurtloam's posts. Facebook is decent for overall communication if you need it for something long-distance (but Skype/WhatsApp are better) but don't expect to develop social skills there.

I think the best positive about Facebook is gaining insight into other people's interests and personality quirks.



Billw1628
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04 Feb 2014, 3:25 pm

To a degree... since I now know a thing or two about what some people I want to get to know likes and dislikes. However, this DOES NOT replace offline conversations if you do meet them eventually- whether it's tomorrow, in a few weeks, a few months, or even a few years from now. When you know (especially if you have enough notice ahead of time) that you are going to meet someone you connected with offline, you better be mentally prepared. It can be pretty nerve wrecking, especially if you don't have that many opportunities to correct mistakes. But once you do it enough times, it will get better.



alessi
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04 Feb 2014, 4:32 pm

I see what you mean. For example, if you meet someone in person you can ask them about their cute cat because you have seen the photographs of him or her on their Facebook site. That is a good idea. You can then start things off with a compliment for the kitty and a nice chat about how great cats are.



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04 Feb 2014, 4:47 pm

Yes. On top of that, you don't want to act too different than when you are on Facebook, either, particularly if you have a good reputation on it. If you act quite different when you are offline, sometimes that person might rat it off to the people who know you online that he/she knows... and the rumors can spread like wildfire.

It's OK to be nervous (I have quite a few times, particularly with attractive women). But then I will think about how to provide someone a good time the best I can. This takes practice. But it will make better.



Stargazer43
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04 Feb 2014, 10:24 pm

I personally think that Facebook hurts, rather than helps, social skills. It promotes a very false and superficial form of socialization, and almost discourages actually interacting with other people.



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04 Feb 2014, 10:41 pm

Stargazer43 wrote:
I personally think that Facebook hurts, rather than helps, social skills. It promotes a very false and superficial form of socialization, and almost discourages actually interacting with other people.


I disagree with that. I reunited with my former OT classmate today whom I have connected on Facebook for over 3-4 years. We had a really good conversation back and forth about our respective things for over 1.5 hours. You just have to make sure you know how to handle yourself whenever you are with that person offline the best you can. If you are struggling, perhaps you can recall some examples on how some people who might be good at making you feel at ease at a conversation and try to do what he/she does.

I initially didn't know how to do that. But once I was a recipient of a really great pep talk from one of my peers 3 years ago, I have been thinking of what she did ever since whenever I need to talk to my friends.



opal
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05 Feb 2014, 12:59 am

Stargazer43 wrote:
I personally think that Facebook hurts, rather than helps, social skills. It promotes a very false and superficial form of socialization, and almost discourages actually interacting with other people.


I agree with that actually. I initially thought , when I signed up. that it would be a good way to communicate, and keep in touch with others. Everyone is there to promote themselves, show off and present a larger than life persona. It's really shallow materialistic and unrealistic. No-one says" I just flunked my test and I'm really sad" or " I broke up with my girl friend" because people really don't care. No -one is allowed to get real about their lives because that's "too negative"

I'm probably going to get shot for saying this but it's like the worst aspects of NT communication - just in shorthand.