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AsahiPto17
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11 Aug 2015, 9:48 pm

I've seen once or twice that libraries are a pretty good place to meet people if you are an aspie. It makes sense, because the kind of people there would be more likely to be there I think. But how exactly do you meet people in a place where you expect people to leave you alone while you read? It seems like all the clubs are directed at kid and teenagers, I'm 21 so that doesn't quite work for me. All the stuff for adults sounds like "computers for beginners part 1: what is a mouse?" to me, so that is even worse. Some of the people at the library look cool, but how do you get into a situation where it's okay to talk to people there?



EmileMulder
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11 Aug 2015, 10:10 pm

I'd recommend meetup.org if you're looking for friends or a dating site if you're looking for romantic partners. You may meet someone cool at a library or bookstore if you see them reading a book that you like. I'd think that 95%+ of the time you'll just get flat-out rejected simply because most people aren't in those places looking for romance. If you're trying to just make friends I think that's still sort of awkward, and most people would react suspiciously to a stranger approaching them in a library - I'd be thinking "what is this guy selling..."



AsahiPto17
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11 Aug 2015, 10:26 pm

Meetup could definitely be a good place, I have a hard tine finding things that look interesting though. I would like to do something that has a chance of meeting girls, and I notice that most of the aspie group here are 99% male. I could try harder to find something, I guess I have a sort of an anxiety mental block though.



AsahiPto17
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11 Aug 2015, 11:38 pm

...also, the things you brought up are the reason I made this thread. I wouldn't want to just walk up to someone reading a book and try to talk to them, that would be rude and weird under most conditions. I guess the only way would be if there are clubs or something at the library, but I guess meetup would be a better place to fund such things.



kraftiekortie
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12 Aug 2015, 8:41 am

Or lectures sponsored by the library.

You're right....people do not usually want to be approached at the library--especially women!



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13 Aug 2015, 8:46 pm

I think meeting a person at a library might be difficult because social rules are even more complex there. Finding "the right time" to approach someone is pretty hard for most aspies in general... library etiquette might just get in the way.

But if you see someone reading a book/who shares an interest with you, I'd try coming up to them and simply introducing yourself and your connection to that book/interest. It's a library, and you're unlikely to see that person again. Especially not at a party or anything.


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pentacat
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20 Aug 2015, 12:57 pm

Maybe this is just me, but if I was reading an amazing book and someone(with good intentions) interrupted to tell me they too love the book, I would not mind one bit. I dunno, it just seems like a really easy way to have a conversation with someone.



Malaise
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21 Aug 2015, 4:07 pm

Some people might welcome polite interest on what they're reading, but it's a big grey area. Most people are interested in talking to other fans, but it is a quiet place for reading so there's the risk of interrupting people when they're in the middle of the best part. I don't think it would be weird to talk to someone reading a book you loved while they pause to look out a window or stretch.

I've never known anyone to go to a library to socialize, but there's no rule saying you can't talk and see what happens.

Xenization wrote:
I think meeting a person at a library might be difficult because social rules are even more complex there. Finding "the right time" to approach someone is pretty hard for most aspies in general... library etiquette might just get in the way.

But if you see someone reading a book/who shares an interest with you, I'd try coming up to them and simply introducing yourself and your connection to that book/interest. It's a library, and you're unlikely to see that person again. Especially not at a party or anything.


Yep... easy to disrupt other people, too.



kraftiekortie
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21 Aug 2015, 7:53 pm

You should do what Richie Cunningham did one day: Smash your shopping cart into girls' shopping carts in the supermarket.



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22 Aug 2015, 1:53 am

In my experience, people are always perfectly happy with whatever relationships they have and always have better things to do than socialize with random strangers. Especially women, of course. If you're isolated, you stay that way for life.


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AsahiPto17
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24 Aug 2015, 12:03 am

Spiderpig wrote:
In my experience, people are always perfectly happy with whatever relationships they have and always have better things to do than socialize with random strangers. Especially women, of course. If you're isolated, you stay that way for life.


Gee, that's a helpful insight -- if you don't know people you never will, and people never make new friends /sarcasm



Summer_Twilight
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26 Aug 2015, 8:07 am

I did that during my last year in high school when I started getting into studying and reading. I made friends with the librarians who came to my graduation. That was 14 years ago. However I am attending a university but I don't have time to meet people. There is too much to learn.

I am getting involved with an OSTEM, Physics, and Astronomy clubs to talk about all things geeky.



starkid
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26 Aug 2015, 10:55 pm

You can just whisper a quick comment about their book or something, and if they look up/smile/talk back, that might be an opportunity to try to continue the conversation.

Also, since people are supposed to be quiet at the library, you can get away with stuff like passing notes with your phone number to people and walking away without doing much else.



Meistersinger
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27 Aug 2015, 12:11 am

When I was working toward my teaching certification in music Ed at Millersville State, the top floor of the library was notorious as the make out floor. You don't want to know what went on in the group study rooms, nor do you want to know what was going on when a male and a female were occupying the same chair :mrgreen: .



Bataar
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03 Sep 2015, 5:50 pm

The internet has negated any need I have to go to a library :)



JNathanK
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03 Sep 2015, 6:37 pm

Meistersinger wrote:
When I was working toward my teaching certification in music Ed at Millersville State, the top floor of the library was notorious as the make out floor. You don't want to know what went on in the group study rooms, nor do you want to know what was going on when a male and a female were occupying the same chair :mrgreen: .


Damn,you old timers had it awesome. Younger people today are practically victorian prudes in comparison.