Passive aggressive behavior

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Is this a common coping mechanism for many aspies?

For me it is. I'm not good at displaying my emotions so when i'm upset it often shows as passive aggressiveness.
It's funny because I hate when other people are passive aggressive.

I have a friend who says she's fine if we have an argument, but then I can't tell if her actions are saying the opposite. I'm quite sensitive so I may be mistaken. Feel like I can't make a mistake or I won't be forgiven.

Relationships are difficult for me. It does help to accept that conflict will happen & learn how to manage conflict. You can google “how to manage interpersonal conflict” & get some helpful info. Good luck to you & your friend.

I would say yes. But then again, NT-s do passive aggressive stuff too. The difference between me and NT-s is that when I am the one who does it, it tends to backfire a lot more.

I read it in the internet a lot and I still don't understand what stands for passive aggresive behavior. I can't identify it in real life either, so I don't use it as a coping mechanism.

it can be a useful strategy for tweaking aholes but beware that one doesn't become an ahole in the process.

A very clumsy and stupid variety of passive-aggressive behavior used to be as natural to me as breathing. I admired the prowess of those who could be skillfully and shrewdly passive-aggressive. That was before I knew there was a much wider world out there and how appallingly miserable it is to occupy your mind with those mean games instead of doing mostly anything else.

A lot of weak people use it to bully people. When you confront them, they say it was meant in a different way and just continue. Often saying you are being paranoid, to gaslight you into doubting yourself. One of the worst types of mental abuse around. Weak, pathetic and awful behavior. People that use it to attack people should be ashamed of themselves. A friend I had on here left because of passive aggressive behavior.

The most basic example: when you "forget" to do something or call someone back because you are secretly mad at them, but instead you say you are "busy".

But then there are more subtle examples, when its not you who "forgets" but rather you fail to remind the other person when "they" forget -- because you wanted them to forget anyway.

No, I would not say that passive aggressive behavior is a part of autism but more of a cultural habit. In fact, there are lots of NTs who use it to imply they aren't interested in hoping that the other party will take the hint. Passive aggression is used in this country because one is afraid of hurting the other one's feelings.

Example:
(I will call these two Anna and Beth)

Beth is inviting Anna to dinner but Anna doesn't like Beth's friends so she makes an excuse. "Oh I can't tonight, I promised my mom I would walk her dogs."

Another example:
Beth confronts Anna for being unreliable with her because Anna isn't that interested in Beth. Rather than telling her the truth "I am sorry but I have been really swamped at work so I barely have time to call you. I will make time though." Yet she's hoping that Beth will be the word through the grapevine that Anna is not interested in associating with her.

Final: Anna starts ghosting on Beth

I understand why people would be passive aggressive and especially in this day in age with all the political correctness and the fear of walking on eggshells around someone.

I totally agree with you that political correctness is to blame and, in fact, thats one of the reasons I am so angry at the fact that society is politically correct.

Another example of how political correctness hurts me is the following conversation:

Me: If I promise to change can I have another chance?
The other person: No, you shouldn't have to change, you have to be who you are
Me: But slight discomfort of changing is nothing compared to huge discomfort of disapproval I get from others
The other person: You shouldn't be so concerned about what other people think anyway, you have to be who you are.

Notice how, both times, the political correct declaration was used to shoot me down in my attempt to fit in. And thats what pisses me off.

Am I the only person here who can barely understand what a word of this is about? And I haven't even started on the Cabernet Sauvignon yet.....

It's a type of aggression where a person is feeling angry, feels discomfort able about something, they are not interested but instead of being honest, brushes their feelings to the side and makes excuses because they are afraid of hurting the other person. Here is an article and hopefully it will help.

https://www.everydayhealth.com/emotiona ... -mean.aspx


The two I wrote above are instances of passive aggressive behavior.

Some more are some my own life but I will touch on them:
1. Earlier this year, my former supervisor decided not to offer me a position as an administrative assistant because I had made me clear that I wasn't interested in real estate along with having a current job. Rather, he kept brushing me off and giving me the run around because thing came up last minute and expected that I would get the hint

2. Years ago, I was supposed to go on a birthday camping trip and my friend's mom agreed to pick me up but lived on the opposite side of town which was not far from route that would take her up to the campground. Instead of saying no, she just went along with it and did not show up. She also made up excuses that she had a medical condition that kept her from driving long distances.

I would replace "weak" with "coward", but yeah, run for the hills, people like this can erode your better judgement and cause a lot of damage. They usually also manage to make it look like you're at fault and get support and sympathy for their behaviour.

That's called "Blaming the victim by playing the victim."


Anyway, as I said above, this couple has seemed to ghost on me because they don't like my choices. The wife has been ignoring my texts but when she does respond, things aren't the same
1. When I start the conversation and tell her what I am up to, she acknowledges me and says that she's happy for me but doesn't continue the conversation by telling me any of the things that are going on in her life. Rather, I have to pull teeth to get her to answer me.
2. When she does respond it's brief but she drops the hint that she been "Busy" working this new job and that her husband is "Busy" working from him.

However, I have learned that anyone who ghosts on your and starts dropping hints like this couple did really aren't good friend material, to begin with, because they can't seem to be upfront. Like Bender said, these are people one wants to avoid.