[ POLL ] Hierarchy of Relationships

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I'll throw this in for discussion and polling. It represents a 'romantic' hierarchy with the dominant characteristic in parentheses. Since this is something I came up with on my own, it is an opinion, thus your own opinions may vary.

Hierarchy of Relationships

• Spouse (Commitment)
• Lover (Intimacy)
• Friend (Trust)
• Associate (Respect)
• Acquaintance (Knowledge)
• Stranger (Indifference)
• Enemy (Hostility)

Most people start off as Strangers, and progress upward or downward from there, sequentially, taking each stage in turn. Thus, it implies that most people do not skip stages -- most people don't start off as Strangers and immediately become Lovers unless other factors are involved.

Note that for the relationship to continue, each person must perceive that other as the other person perceives them.
For example: having just been introduced, Bill and Jane are Acquaintances. If Bill sees Jane as a potential Lover, and Jane sees Bill the same way, then their relationship may eventually progress that far; but if Jane perceives Bill as only an Acquaintance instead (or wishes he was still a Stranger), any potential relationship may simply go nowhere.

You may select only one option from the poll, but you may change your selection at any time.

Please explain your selection. Please detail any changes or additions you would make to the list.

Thank you.

I generally start with some basic Respect and aquiring Knowledge about a person can either raise or lower it.
Also, in my case, Commitment and Intimacy are much more interwined.
There is some kind of commitment in friendship, too.

Some level of commitment is important at any level above 'Acquaintance', but becomes most important at 'Spouse'.

Again, what's in the poll is all my opinion, so I'd like to see more people express their opinions on it too.

If people vote in the poll, they should also post a comment.

Thank you.

I always fail to compartmentalize this stuff, it's all one & the same mess to ole' autistic me.

Then I hope my efforts are helpful to you.

Compartmentalization and making lists seem to be two of my "special interests".

I largely agree with your hierarchy, I think there maybe some potential for an intermediary stage between stranger and enemy though. Not sure what this would be called, but some level of distrust and uneasiness without actual hostility. I chose mostly agree.

I would add a group, but I don't know what to call them. They're people we don't meet or see, but feel empathy and compassion toward. These are the people we serve and support through charitable acts, donations, etc.

For example: We donate money or personal service to support people we've never met and will never meet. These people may have suffered from natural disasters, from personal tragedy, or be in need of help because of poverty and personal circumstance. These strangers are elevated from the "indifferent" category because we care about them through acts of benevolence or charitable altruism.

I might call them "Strangers in Need", and our response is "Charity".

I met my wife in psych hospital in September 1982 . By March 1983 we'd got close enough to leave hospital together . Intimacy in terms of full intercourse was a year later . November 1986 we married .

Before I can form an opinion on the list, I'd like clarifications for the words "spouse" and "lover." Is a spouse only someone you've chosen to commit legally, in other words are married to or have a legal registered relationship with? Or can it also refer to people who have been together for long and are emotionally committed to each other, but have no official paper on it? What about lover, are we talking about a relationship that is mostly sex based, or a relationship that includes sex, but doesn't have strong emotional commitment? As in, a relationship that isn't really gotten to the serious stage yet emotionally despite the fact that there is sex.

A spouse is somebody’s legal husband/wife.

Do you not have access to a dictionary?

spouse (n): either member of a legally-married pair in relation to the other; one's husband or wife.

lover (n): either member of a pair having a sexual or romantic relationship with each other outside marriage.

How should I know if you're going along with some official meaning of the word or not? The members on this forum have clearly had disagreements what some romance related words, like dating for examble, mean, so before I answer I needed to know what you mean with these words. But yeah, to answer the original question:

First, I'd add one option, which is "disliked." That's someone you don't like, but not enough to consider them an enemy. Then, I'd saparate friends in to two groups, close friends and just friends. I suppose the difference doesn't need to be explained, no?

My list would go like this:
Lover/Spouse Spouse however can only be here if it's a marriage out of love and friendship as well and not just an obligation. If it's an aranged marriage out of obligation and the two hold no feeling for the other, it becomes a duty, like coworkers, and then a spouse is in about the same level as an associate.
Good friend
Friend
Spouse
Associate
Acquaintance
Stranger
Disliked
Enemy

My first thought was to think the hierarchy meant where my loyalty would lay if tested and some Friends are definitely higher than some Lovers (and in some cases higher than Spouse). Then I think it may mean how a relationship progresses but a stranger can become any of those at any time (a spouse becomes an enemy, or …. vice versa). I can readily think of one Lover who was not a Friend first. That said I treat Strangers as Friends... I did not have Stranger danger as a child and don't much now either. In any case, I still voted "Mostly" b/c that seems to be how it should be if once considers the best of a spouse, or a lover or a friend and the worst of an enemy.

Hmm ... I might change "Disliked" to "Frenemy" or "Outcast" -- maybe both. There does seem to be a need for at least one or two categories between "Stranger" and "Enemy".

I listed a progression from hostility to committment, thus "Spouse" should be at the top of the list.

• Spouse (Total Commitment & Complete Involvement)
• Lover (Emotional & Physical Intimacy)
• Friend (Trust)
• Associate (Respect)
• Acquaintance (Knowledge)
• Stranger (Indifference)
• Frenemy (Suspicion)
• Outcast (Avoidance & Contempt)
• Enemy (Hatred & Open Hostility)

Last edited by Fnord on 12 Jan 2020, 12:14 pm, edited 4 times in total.

"Outcast" might work, but at least to me, "frenemy" sounds like someone you have some kind of respect for and/or somehow care about 'cause if not, why would the friend -part be there?