No one wants disagreement

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People always tell me that I should try to be more assertive and point out when I disagree or object to something someone did. This is, obviously, up until the moment I disagree with the person telling me that or object to something they did. Much like how when people say I should express my anger more, or when people say I should get better at saying "no", or when people say I shouldn't place so much importance on pleasing others.
They say these things up until the moment I express my anger with them. Or I say "no" to them. Or I stop placing so much importance on pleasing them. I struggle to think of a single person who has not verified this for me.
I do what people actually want to do, which is smile and nod and roll over whenever confrontations arise. No one wants disagreement. No one wants conflict. No one wants to be told no. No one wants to be asked to change. I'm just giving people what they really want, but if they learn I haven't been expressing my anger or disagreement, they get upset that I'm not being more open and honest. Openness and honesty are not what are wanted. Openness and honesty run the risk of showing me to be something besides what others want me to be. And people tend to want others to be they way they want others to be.

It’s better to assert what you think is right in a diplomatic manner.

Make sure you assert what is right, without insulting a person you are debating with.

I've often found that the very people that tell me to say "no" more and to be assertive ect, are the ones that get upset when I was assertive to them. It was as though the rule was "be assertive with everyone else but you must not be assertive with me".

You can break the pattern. I was in the same pattern you were in.

The way to do it is to not SEEM so set in your opinions.

I would watch the Hanna-Barbera cartoon where a wolf and sheepdog battle each other during their “working” day, yet are buddies after they punch out for the day.

Maybe you have already thought of this and maybe it doesn't apply to your situation but...people getting upset with you for disagreeing with them doesn't mean they actually want you to keep your disagreements to yourself and "roll over" to please them.

It's not pleasant to have a disconnect with another person; that's why most people dislike disagreement. But mature, emotionally healthy people know that it's better to express disagreement and manage the disconnection than to hide all our disagreements.

What I'm saying is this: don't assume they were contradicting themselves just because they get upset when you do what they told you to do.

Another thing is that not all disagreements are relevant or sensible; it's pointless to share some of your thoughts even though it's generally important to share thoughts with people close to you. So the problem in your situation depends partially on what kinds of things you are disagreeing with or saying "no" to.

I feel like what I'm saying is obvious, so I tried to phrase it so it doesn't seem like I'm talking down to you.

If a person gets insulted merely because you don’t absolutely share your opinion, that person isn’t worth your friendship.

I feel like I’m headed for a divorce for that very same reason. My wife gets insulted if I don’t absolutely agree with her. It’s ridiculous.

It’s one of those situations where you had to “be there.”

She’s right 99% of the time when it comes to DIY things. It’s that 1% when she’s proven wrong which sets her off.

Being wrong stings...
The best way out of it is correct yourself, though.

I always make concessions.....all the time.

In that situation, there was no reason why she should have yelled at me.

Maybe it was just emotions building up with the sting of wrongness being the final straw.
We're going through hard times globally and personally, it does affect our capacity to self-control.