Responding gracefully to constructive criticism

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Next week Tuesday, my support group (now meeting via text-based chat) will have a topic-focused discussion meeting (via text-based chat) on the topic of "Responding gracefully to criticism."

As I've explained at the top of my page of tutorials on giving and receiving constructive criticism:

I don't want people to be assertive with me, I want them to be clear and explicit with me.

Yeah my daughter is going through that phase now....topical subject

That's a great skill to learn.

I used to be really bad at receiving criticism because of sensitivity around rejection.
Not sure I've completely got over it either. A few years ago a senior at work made a criticism about the way I was talking to him, which hit two trigger points at once - the rejection thing plus sensitivity about my social/communication skills - and I ended up crying at my desk

^Assertive is more of a strong word to me at least it gives that impression. Maybe because i mix it up with "aggressive" It might be the case with other people also.

There is no such thing as "constructive" criticism -- it is all destructive in some way.

Why does it seem that people who try to justify "constructive" criticism also seem to enjoy running other people's lives?

On my page listing tutorials on giving and receiving constructive criticism, I've added some more tutorials about responding to criticism, and I've split that category into two categories: "Responding gracefully to (mostly constructive) criticism" and "Responding gracefully to (mostly hostile or inappropriate) criticism." I've also added a section on anger management and calming oneself down, since that is often crucial both to giving constructive criticism and to responding gracefully to criticism.

One of the more concise tutorials in the "Responding gracefully to (mostly constructive) criticism" section is the first one, 6 Ways to Take the Sting Away When You Receive Criticism by Susan Heitler Ph.D.

Brief outline:

"Mistakes happen. Use these mantras to stay feeling OK whatever the criticism."
"Receiving Criticism Mantra #1: My actions are not me."
"Receiving Criticism Mantra #2: Information is power."
"Receiving Criticism Mantra #3: Mistakes are for learning."
"Receiving Criticism Mantra #4: No person is perfect."
"Receiving Criticism Mantra #5: Different people see different data."
"Receiving Criticism Mantra #6: Consider the source."

For each of the above "mantras," the article contains a few paragraphs explaining it.

Mona, that bit about "rejection sensitivity" was new to me. I know some people who are just like that. In fact, it describes my first husband to a tee. When we were newly married and I expressed that I wanted something different around the house, he dissolved into tears! Even the slightest bit of disapproval or friction was being perceived as rejection.

I do have a bit of constructive criticism for you though, Mona. You very frequently have a well conceived, thoughtfully laid out teaching or didactic piece to offer us poor unfortunate aspies. I'm not sure how many people follow you into another thread, or go to your blog or website with all the fixes. The fact is, all this just rubs me the wrong way. I wouldn't be surprised if it affects other people similarly. I have not accepted you as a professional whom I want to follow, even if you were and even if you had much to offer. I come here partly for support and partly for the occasional perspective I may have not experienced on my own - not a reading list or a complete curriculum on reforming myself.

I must say, though, your well composed posts and very good usage, syntax, and punctuation are certainly refreshing.

The way I see it:

Mona has her take on things; other people have their take on things.

I don't find Mona to be condescending in the least. She just has her way of presenting things, based on her experience in life.

You damned right I do!

I take the "stand" that Mona is one who is truly dedicated to improving the lot of those with autism. I don't agree with everything she says; and she certainly doesn't agree with everything I say.

I feel like she's sincere about what she does and says, even if it's not always "right" in my view.

By the way, my view on Mona has nothing to do with my view on Bea.