Win friends and earn respect by being a jerk?

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I have notice while observing people and how they interact with others, that being a jerk is a way to gain friends and win the respect of others. While being friendly and helpful to others is a way to be labeled dumb and naïve.

Am I wrong or am I just paying attention and interacting with the wrong people?

FYI, by jerk, I mean treating others like crap to give yourself some air of superiority around others. I hope that all comes across clear.

I come to the same conclusion most of the time myself. Although it's different when I interact with other Aspies that I know.

I have noticed the same thing happening within certian groups of the population:Act like a jerk/jack ass, get respect. To me , when disrespect is repaid with respect, it it a sign that something has gone wrong with BOTH parties involved...[and the problem is in between their ears} In most cases, been disrespectful/rude is a good way to get your teeth knocked,it may not be the right thing to do but you must remember that it is what IS likely to happen! well , that is all I have to say about

It's fear, not respect...will those people ever learn?

I personally perfer being "dumb and naive" then "dumb and mean"

I used to think a lot of popular guys were just jerks to everybody, but it turned out that they were just teasing and everyone else was in on the joke. Have you ruled this out? It's not something I would try to pull off because I don't think I have the appropriate communication skills to avoid just coming off as an as*hole. Anyway, even then I think there is an element of intimidation and callousness in harsh teasing and practical jokes so I'd rather avoid them anyway.

I think it's totally the opposite. Are you in high school or something? That would make sense.

But in my job, jerks don't last while nice and helpful people move ahead (provided they know their job--we get a number of "fakers"). It's a fairly small industry, and if you have a negative attitude or try to get ahead by stepping on others, then you generally don't last.

I mean, it's not perfect, and some people get ahead by marrying/sleeping with others, or talking their way in, but overall it's pretty fair. Some jerks may get ahead temporarily, but then they fall out of favour. But I've met many of the most respected veterans of the industry, and they are all nice people who are eager to give helpful advice and laugh about things.

No, Zee, I am not in high school. I’m much beyond high school.

Believe it or not, these are adults I’ve come into contact with over the past couple of years. I know not everyone who behaves like a jerk ends up ahead in life, but it seems that way lately. Act like a jerk and treat others who are ‘below you’ like crap and you’ll reap the benefits.

As Hector stated, it may be friendly teasing, but I don’t see it as such. It’s a little confusing when interacting with others. I look at most teasing directed towards me, friendly or otherwise, as someone just trying to put themselves above me to get a laugh from their peers. I’ve been the butt of one too many jokes in the past.

I would be a jerk to my friends and my friends are not jerks.

Hierarchies are something I do not agree with. I try to see people as equals, no one below me or above me. This could be why the situation that prompted my question bugs me.

It’s upsetting for me to see it happen. Especially when you’re advised to do things a certain way to gain respect and earn trust in a friendship. If I were the one behaving like the jerk, I would have received the boot and be condemned back outside the social circle.

The most ironic thing I find about people is the same one's telling you to just be yourself and if people don't like it, screw them are the one's that give you the most crap for being who you are or for having an opinion different from the crowd.

Somewhat true. There is the friendly teasing that goes on, but a bonding ritual seems, at least amongst girls, to tear down another individual in absentina (male or female). Haven't figured out if it is a good thing or a bad thing, it just seems kinda weird. Might just be venting, and people'd explode on each other if they didn't do it. Males do it as well, but more rarely, it seems.

Teasing is supposed to be good, apparently, if the person's there. I don't really get it, though. It doesn't seem all that productive

Very true about if you be nice and don't tease people or joke around a lot that you'll be seen as naiive.

I think part of it is that those people appear to have a lot of confidence. In reality, it's usually exactly the opposite (that someone acts like a jerk because they're insecure). But a lot of people don't look beyond the surface, they just see someone who seems kind of fearless and they respect it.

I think you hang around the wrong people. I know gang members that dont act like that.

I seem to manage okay and I am no where near being a jerk.

Being a jerk is one way to get attention, and people like to be drawn to others who get others attention. It's kind of a squeaky wheel thing going on...

But I have to wonder what kind of friends these jerks really have, how much of it is just superficial... looks that way to me.

I gain friends by being 'real' to everyone that I meet. I may lose out on some friends who need a social system and rigid expectations of what people are supposed to do. But I make up for it by being thoughtful and respectful of people, unless they lose my respect by being jerks or whatnot... then the skys the limit of the subtle put-downs I'll issue forth.

I think being super unnaturally nice isn't a good way to win friends either though, since people will like you for what you give them.

Hey Lumina (and the rest of you all who've got the same issue)!: Don't try to make a fool of yourself, treat others like crap,try to look like you're the best or just pretend someone you are not, just to "make friends and gain respect", because if people don't see and appreciate you for who you are and don't accept your way of being, then it's their problem and THEY would be the jerks here ("jerks" in the sense of "morons"),since they can't recognize and accept someone who's different from them.
Continue to be as you are,friendly and helpful,and eventually someone (or many) will see and accept you just the way you are.
And never change for the sake of others.