New girl in my office

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Like I already told you, I don't date anyone below 18 since it is illegal.

What I was getting at was not protecting girls your daughters age but rather protecting girls with your daughters *diagnosis*, and I got it from the following quote:





I met some of my ex-s online but, overall, I don't think its very productive since I basically have to keep messaging girls -- and keep getting ignored -- for months on end until finally someone responds. And yes, online I do message girls first (when I said I don't like making first move I was referring to in-person).



My mom tried to match me up with someone twice, but I guess she went about it in all the wrong ways so that I ended up being disinterested even though I otherwise would have liked it.

What happened the first time is that her friend suggested to match me up with some girl that she knows, and she had that girl fly across the country to where we live for that purpose. But my mom didn't tell me that she flew specifically because of me since she was afraid that if she tells me that, I would pass this to her, which she didn't want me to do. From my perspective all she had to do was to tell me directly "please don't tell her that" and I would have listened. But apparently my mom doesn't think I can control my own mouth or something, so she made me think it was a pure coincidence that she came during the time of my visit. So -- since I thought it was a coincidence -- I didn't want to meet her, since I was too busy with other things. But then my mom started to try to manipulate me into meeting her by saying I had to pass something to her or something. I don't even remember what it was, what I do remember is that -- whatever it was -- it was possible to do it over the phone, but my mom was like oh no you have to come, and then when I finally agreed to come I was going to come, give her whatever it was, and then immediately go back, but my mom was like "oh no you have to stay there for a dinner it is just being polite" and then after she pushed me to stay there for a dinner she was then pushing me to spend three more days walking around various museums with her. At the end of the third day I actually told her "you know its really frustrating how my mom makes me spend all this time away from physics". I never heard from her again.

As far as the second girl my mom tried to set me up with, it was more of a timing issue. Basically she did that shortly after Miss Nebraska broke up with me. Indeed, that breakup was probably the reason my mom did that. I kept complaining about Miss Nebraska leaving me and kept asking my mom to persuade Miss Nebraska to give me another chance, which my mom didn't want to do, but eventually she suggested that she sets me up with that other girl. In any case, I reluctantly went to that date, although I really didn't care. So that girl was also originally from Russia but spent several years living in the US. During our date she asked me what I think of Putin (and I probably pointed out his positives, although I am not sure), and then she told me that she thinks really badly of him particularly due to his gay propaganda ban, so I started debating her on this one since, as a Christian, I agree with that ban. At some point during our conversation I presented an evidence that homosexuality can be influenced by environment by mentioning prison rape. But instead of saying "rape" I used a Russian version of "f*****g in the ass" and that girl actually called me out on it and asked me not to use those words. My mom thinks that my bringing up the topic of prison rape is the reason why that girl lost interest -- although that girl herself didn't tell either of us what it was. But I didn't care either way since at that time I was focused on Miss Nebraska.

In any case, other than those two times, my mom never tried to set me up with anyone else. I think probably her priorities are elsewhere given how she had to deal with two deaths and now she has to organize a new house she just moved into. She also says she doesn't have any connections other than those two girls. But its hard to believe since she is a social person. But perhaps its because her connections are older people. But still, I don't see what stops her from asking them about their kids or grandkids.

I sense that people feel that you get offended easily.

People don't like walking on eggshells.

I used to be the type that gets offended easily; it turned off many people to me.

People *do* tell me that I push people away by coming across as argumentative *but* as paradoxical as it sounds they aren't getting that the reason I argue is that I feel hurt. They think I argue for the sake of arguing. I even asked one of the girls I met online whom I pushed away by being argumentative "what would have happened if I were to tell you, back at the day, that the reason I argue is that my feelings are hurt?" She said "yes that would have helped".Then I asked her "but isn't it self evident?" and she said "apparently not". But I don't get why isn't it evident. I mean why would I spend hours on end arguing about something if presumably I don't have any emotions attached to it?! Sometimes I think that it is a by-product of autism stereotypes: autistics are known to fixate AND they are known to lack emotions. So when I get fixated people just blame it on my label instead of using common sense and realize that maybe I do feel hurt, after all.

I understand you're hurt. But people, usually, aren't sympathetic to that.

I get hurt, too. I get in a lot of situations which hurt me.

It happened to me the other day. I felt like arguing with somebody----but I had to bite the bullet. It had to do with an issue of hierarchy.

I work part-time in a library. The other person works full-time. He has a Masters in Library Science; I don't. He felt like I was usurping his job in some way. I felt like I was helping him out, and lessening his workload.

I felt like I wanted to "tell my side of the story," to tell him why I was doing something which seemed like I was "usurping his job"--but I knew it wouldn't be productive. I knew it would make me look foolish.

I just went back to my desk, stewed a little, then made myself think about something else. Otherwise, I might have done or said something foolish---and maybe got into an argument which might have threatened my job.

Sometimes, one has to bite the bullet in an office situation.

It's appropriate to, say, rant on WrongPlanet----but it's not appropriate to rant like that in a real-life situation. People will get turned off. People might even become scared of you.

I wish somebody could actually be with you when you get hurt, and when you argue. And I wish that somebody would have an objective view of things. And I wish you would be able to trust that person.

It's obvious that the status-quo can't continue; otherwise, you will continue to get rejected and hurt.

Wow!! QFT...is this what you talk to girls about on a first date!! !?? seriously you might well be subconsciously pushing prospective girlfriends away? No girl is going to feel comfortable with a man opening up about themselves like this on a first outing. You need to stick to neutral stuff till the girl is noticeably comfortable with you and only then get into topics like rape..(personally I wouldn't talk about this)

You often mention that your mom interferes but so far her advice to you seems spot on!

Not girls. That specific girl that my mom tried to set me up with back in 2014.

It's true that with others I also go off tangents to my special interests, but its usually not this specific one.

As far as office girl goes, the whole department was supposed to go to sexual harassment training and we could pick between few different ones. It happened that I went on the same one that girl did. Somebody other than myself brought up prison rape, and -- after that -- I asked why don't they stop it given that logically in prisons it should be a lot easier to stop than elsewhere given all those cameras. When I felt like the answer I was given wasn't satisfactory I asked the same question again, then they indicated that they wanted to move on so I let it go, but I still asked it twice rather than just once. So obviously that girl heard it since she was there -- but it wasn't between me and her since lots of other people were there as well, and she wasn't one of the people talking at the time.

By the way, the time when that girl came to the office and I was half asleep was two hours *before* that training. So the reasons why she was asking me if it was her office have nothing to do with it, since future doesn't cause the past.



I never been to prison and I never been raped either. So why are you saying I opened up about myself?

In any case, it's true that I draw an *analogy* between prison rape and my situation. I do that because in Russian prisons the rape victims are ostracized, and I am ostracized too. But that is only an analogy. Fact remains that I never been raped.

There are 1st date no-no's and the there are first date "no, just #$%^ing no" no's.
I literally would have walked out.
Reading these and your past posts has erased any surprise (for me) of you not being able to find a successful, long term relationship

Dude! seriously look at your life through a positive lense...try not to link your life with dreadful things like this? You are clearly smart (you don't need me to tell you this) and actually are capable of deep self-reflection (somewhat rare on this forum).

Try and strategise your goals/aspirations with female psychology...I think you are giving in to impulsive thinking

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. (Trying to reply to this post and can't)

I think QFT is internalising what's been posted here, it's hard for a young male to rationalise emotional feelings as most of us males give in to impulsive/irrational behaviour and thoughts when it comes to girls (blame it on hormones) in our 20s.

I think one of the reasons the incel movement is burgeoning is that young males perceive they are worthless if they are not successful/good looking in the eyes of society and they need positive reinforcement rather than verbal punishment which just reinforces their frustration.

That note was for myself. I had repeatedly cut and paste my long response and it was repeatedly erased by the security feature. I tried five times, maybe six (b/c that worked once, but not yesterday) and decided to try something different - typed that phrase above... and what do you know ---- it posted! But then I couldn't edit it. And I still can't get my long posts to pass security. Teasing: I'm limited to chit chat and I dislike chit chat.

What I do is I email copy and paste of my long response to myself "before" I attempt to post it -- that way if something like that happen, I would still have it in my email and will be able to attempt again without having to rewrite it.

I notice this particular thread doesn't always allow quotations...might be some type of glitch

I have problem with posting long posts and possibly quotations when I use the cell phone. But when I am using the laptop or desktop everything works fine.

And that's perhaps why I am not affiliated and when I take online tests come in close to center (but a touch to the left).

Friendly suggestion: the "but" seems oppositional to me, while I believe your intent is more clarification. My husband used to say "but" this, "but" that, even if he (near) fully agreed with me. He now uses "and" or starts a new sentence. Feels better. I used to tell him: watch out for your butt!!