I seem to have made a friend, then they're suddenly gone

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I think your mum was just being protective. However, it does sound a bit odd for people to 'offer to be friends with you' as if they are doing you a favour.

But if she said that about everyone, it doesn't help your confidence. Personally I wouldn't say that, I'd just support my daughter if/when the friends/dates treated her badly and we could talk about what to do next time.

I don't think I've had much experience of being pranked by friends/ dates. I seem to have been pretty likeable as a teenager and young woman, I had a group of friends for most of those years. They were all 'weirdos' like me I suppose! But those friends drifted away as we got older.

It is just in the last 20 years or so that I've found it harder and harder to make friends, and people have seemed to take an instant dislike to me more and more over those years. I think that could be the effect of social media making people think they can't be friends with anyone who is even slightly different to them. I dunno.

I had no boyfriends til I was 22, boys ran a mile from me, but looking back with the wisdom of being older, there were boys who did like me but I misunderstood because they didn't make it obvious enough, or I didn't understand my own feelings.

I've only had two boyfriends in fact, both of them made it obvious they wanted to go out with me. The first one turned out to be a narcissist taking advantage of me. And I married the second one, who is the kindest, most caring person I know.

Oh damn! and here am I being so lazy with my writing. No wonder I don't find any friends on this forum

That's really horrible, I wish NTs wouldn't do that.

My daughter still has a crush on a classmate at school who kind of led her on and while she's come to terms with him not subsequently showing any interest (and demanding a restraining order) I know she can't stop thinking about him.

They both are sports captains so that makes things worse, Ironically they seem professional together.

With respect to the origin of this thread, yes - this is exactly what has happened in my life with lots of people who I thought were developing into friends.
You think you’re having great conversations and activities with shared interests and then they just slowly or not so slowly fade away.
I’ve pulled back from a couple who eventually revealed their bigotry or some other serious flaw but repeatedly losing the ones who shared my views and interests is difficult.
I have had people comment on my lack of gossiping and my disinterest in television shows and celebrities. I think these interests form a lot of the foundations in friendships. It seems that a lot of NT’s love idle chit chat and I can’t do that for very long.

Oh god I hope you're joking. People assume when they find out my job that I'm constantly assessing their writing style, correcting mistakes, judging people.

I'm not. I switch off when I'm not being paid to do that, no one does their job 24/7. I was just joking around with Skinny Elephant

Yes...the great conversations and activities...then it turns out the other people are intimidated/ overwhelmed/ whatever by me. I've no idea why.

But gossiping can catch you out too. I've tried to gossip but apparently 'gone too far' and been excluded and mocked for being a gossip.

It's a tricky balancing act, 24/7

Yeah ive run into problems by trying to find out what to do.... Coming up with a theory and thinking 'oh this is what I'm supposed to be doing!! !'
Them going too far

Why do you feel like you need to act?

Can't you just be yourself, rather than someone searching for the right thing to say?

By the way, I struggle with the same problem of "trying to appear something" in social situations.

Best

Misha Cayne

Internet forums in general tend to attract those with less vibrant social lives. Which could explain why a lot of people you've spoken to online struggle to make real life friends. Even if not officially one of us, they probably are (at the very least) socially awkward.

"Offering to be friends with me" is my wording. These 2 classmates I mentioned didn't use the word "offer." They appeared to genuinely express interest in friendship. But my mom insisted they had ulterior motives.

When I was in 8th grade, a female classmate pretended to be interested in me for an entire school day. She even gave me her number (without me asking). The number turned out to be fake. Then when we returned to school on Monday, she admitted the whole thing was a prank.

As an adult, I had one of those Nigerian scammers try to scam me on a dating site. I saw right through it though.

Because when one stops "acting" as a NT, one is often perceived as weird, strange, or possibly dangerous.

I decided a while back to stop masking because its just too exhausting. The result is a lot of shunning. But, at least, I'm not as exhausted and a lot happier.

Solidarity *fist bump* from me!

Who are you addressing this comment to, please?

I know what you mean. However I behave, people shun me, so what's the point of masking? I'm also told that I'm far too blunt, opinionated, abrupt, harsh.

Oh my dears! This IS me restraining myself, being more gentle and subtle and compromising. Do you REALLY want me to say what I'm actually thinking? Really? Okay then.

^^I'm addressing that to people in real life who are shocked by my bluntness. They would not know what had hit them if I stopped masking...

Yeah at that age pranking is such a big deal for NTs. The frontal lobe isn't developed so taking into account other people's feelings isn't high on their priority list. If you want to see what NT teenagers think of the disabled or minorities watch Omegle.