Has anyone ever tried acting NT?

Post Reply New Topic

To some degree, I try to everyday. I am in college for a degree heavily dependent on your ability to network with other people. While generally I still suck at networking, I have to at least make an attempt on a daily basis to be perceived as: confident, sociable, "normal", fun, and happy. I am usually none of these things, but no one is going to hire a sour faced, timid, weirdo, neurotic woman to join a team setting. My success is mixed, and filled with failures. However, I do my best to conceal these individual failures to the rest of the world, no one needs to know the truth on that issue.

I still dont bother to dress very nice (I'm broke so not going to spend my few precious dollars on trendy clothes that'll probably shrink) and dont talk about boring BS to make other people happy. I still avoid at all costs getting dragged into a convo about sports or some band I hate. I have some limits to my threshhold for behaving neurotypical.

The good thing is even though much of the practice is "forced", it inevitably demands you partake in social skills that at least in my mind must be beaten in. Even when I try, I'm sure its not long before people see that I'm "quirky", but they dont need to know the whole story. Unfortunately the world is very judgemental about Aspergers and at least for the time being I think it works in my favor to be seen as an eccentric neurotypical, or shy, or artsy, or whatever other label they place on me.

Well, yeah, of course I'm trying to. The only problem is I really don't pick up social cues, so I might not be aware of the fact that I'm not acting appropriately, given the situation. Luckily, I live in some social circles that are very informal, so no problem, I can just be myself and nobody will frown upon me. Things got even better after reducing my social anxiety levels by means of psychotherapy and since I learned active listening skills in psychotherapy school.

But I am totally clueless when faced with a possible romantic situation. I cannot pick up when people are flirting with me. I tend to act in a stupid artificial NT way when I am attracted to a man, as if I could make him notice me. My best friend (an NT) told me once that I tried too hard and that she didn't like it when I was doing this, because I wasn't myself. And two weeks ago, I made a fool of myself, by believing that a guy was interested with me and flirted with me - and instead he just wanted to make fun of someone and end up by being rude and purposefully saying humiliating things... Dating is such a mysterious game to me, I can never do it. Never had a relationship so far, because of this...

_________________
Probably 75% Aspie, 25% NT... and 100% ADHD

Aspie-quiz results:
Aspie score: 138 of 200 / NT score: 78 of 200 => Very likely an Aspie.

I act NT only at places like school, where the majority of the kids are NT. And it has been successful, so far.
In grade school it was difficult, because I would still act ASD with the kids, teachers and bus drivers - talking about things that no other kids cared about.
It got a little better in middle school, but at times I still acted ASD.
As a high school student, my NT skills are quite high, actually. But I don't hang out at parties, talk about stupid things or listen to hip-hop/rap like most of the other kids. I do engage in conversation at lunch with a large group of juniors, mostly about various "safe list" topics like sports, school and weekend activities. Some of them are on student council, and help make the school the best it can be. However, when I run out of things to say, it is a little awkward, because I don't touch my "special interest list."
I put my part into it with pep rallies - the school absolutely loves my crazy spirit.
I go to home football games but unlike most NTs, I don't sit in the crazy section with all of the screaming fans dressed up in who knows how much spirit. I spend my time with one of the parents of the football players.

I come home, the NT mostly gets put away and I am left with the ASD traits that most of us have. I took the Aspie Quiz last year and scored about a 105 on AS and 95 on NT - "You have aspie and neurotypical traits."

Not really sure if I could act NT as it is complicated since am really shy and almost have social anxiety. For me being NT is like being outgoing and neuroligically normal. Most likely I have nonverbal learning disorder and am unable to read social cues or unable to read nonverbal cues. Have thought about acting class and would be too shy to even take it. What helps the most is 1/2 to 1 glass of wine as am relaxed and feel comfortable or more comfortable in social situations (but am probably not perceived as being NT).

I'm an extreme case, as I was...operant conditioned to act NT as a child. Well, to try my hardest at the sacrifice of all else, anyway.
Here's what I've learned, YMMV:

It *is* possible ...to a different degree for each person, NT or AS/ASD. There are some barely-accepted NT people out there, too.

The degree of success for each aspect of "acting NT" is different for everyone, NT or AS/ASD. We are just at one end of the scale.

We are at a disadvantage due to all those other influences like OCD, NVLD, facial expression & voice, sensory issues, focus issues, executive function ..and so on. But we can learn to identify which we are worst at & which we can compensate for.

We can control to some degree the situations we voluntarily go into based on how good or bad a fit they are to the things we can compensate for. I will never be even "okay" at a cocktail party.

We can also learn rules, lots of rules. We're good at them, and this is a chance to use them to our advantage.

We have to learn to not drive ourselves bonkers with too many rules.

We can do little things like smiling when the other person smiles; mimicry exists in nature for a reason (to not get eaten, mostly).

We may not be able to make eye contact, but we can learn to keep an eye on our own internal threshold for overload.

We can learn when to stop, say no, back off, or retreat from having to perform NT.

Practice makes perfect for NT's. For us, it allows us to fine tune our responses, even if they will never be automatic.

We can and do try to do too much, be too NT, and wear ourselves out.

We can learn when too many layers of workarounds, compensating and rules are just too much, and accept that as part of who we are as an individual.

We can learn to forgive ourselves when we've done too much or simply made a mess of things. It's the NT's kinda screwy rules we're working with and we at least put the work into making them comfortable.

We can reward ourselves after a performance in whatever way works best for us as an individual.

I've always been good at acting so most of the time I don't have a problem interacting with people in the certain ways they expect. I work a reception desk at a drug and alcohol rehab team so I interact with people who are going through really bad times, or who are aggressive and looking for a fight. Some are giving it the old BS story, some tend to confide in me, in a way they have no need to as well, I'm not able to influence their treatment in any way.

I have been fooling people for years and on the whole I do well. If I start to feel a panicking, a meltdown inside my head I tend to know why it is and I try to request a few minutes to sort it and get my head straight. I've also pulled some howlers but so do everyone. The only thing is that I can think of 3 people on the staff straight off, who tend to bully me. They see something in my eyes, my demeanor, my interactions I think that just sets off their ability to manipulate, to want to boss me around and try to me what to do. I don't think they are necessary bad people I see it like this. They are humans but I am not the same kind of human as them, and like neanderthals we run the risk of being victimised by the opposition. THEY can't help it. I think its in them biologically. I think their reading of my actions and motivations is totally faulty too so they get frustrated when they can't control me, and start getting threatening or patronising or both. The fault is with them entirely, but it sure hurts me.

But I've got a family to support, beautiful wife and kids and so I just need to get on with it.

And yes I act NT to suit my needs. Its not 100 percent but most aspies do it, I reckon they do anyway. Its the only way to get on.

Yes I tried to act the part when I was in my 20's but I was not quite there mature-wise. I had too many quirks that did not allow me. Now I just try to be myself as much by letting my maturity take a hold of things.

A lot of it is mimicry, which is a skill and can be learned like any other. Do it enough, examine it carefully, talk to people who understand and you can probably do pretty well after a while. Eventually a lot of it becomes habit and requires no further thought.

Trying to act "normal" has not given a good outcome for me.

Seeing as how Asperger's has been recently 'invented', I have been mimicking NT behavior all my life.

Often, when I have done this (i.e., attempted to act NT), I have received reactions that have been far from supportive (e.g., ridicule, snickering, scowls, etc.). So much for the classic, "when in Rome," concept.

Yes! I was diagnosed at 16, and until then, I had no clue that anything was wrong, just that people got upset at me for reasons I did not know, I got bullied for weird body language/speech etc...

I was admitted to psychiatric hospital at 16 after a mental breakdown. I was given the diagnosis Aspergers Syndrome.

Since then I was in conflict. Some times I overanalyzed myself to hide my quirks. When I became exhausted from that, I just decided to go "all in" and just let 'er rip, just openly stim when feeling for it not giving a second thought as to how people might react.

That was empowering, but I became anxious from all the weird looks I got, and that got to me eventually and I figured out none of the extremes were feasible.

Closing in on 30, in retrospect I can say half my life was lived not knowing I was autistic(just that I was somehow different), and the other half trying to figure out how to deal with it.

I spend a lot of time in solitude, reading, practicing musical instruments, writing, doing creative work. I spend time with my pets, as they don't drain me mentally the same way people do.

Then when the urge to socialize becomes sufficient to leverage me to do something, I seek out company.

I can be sort of bi-polar in that regard. Suddenly I get a spark of energy, and I feel like a superhuman. I can do things that would seem impressive even for NTs. But then one disappointing experience and *zap* goes my energy and I stay in the house for the next two weeks.

I've never deliberately tried it, but if I'm in a place or situation where talking about my special interests a lot might not be a good idea, I suppose that's like being NT. Kind of.

Personally I think it's stupid and that we should all just be ourselves and anyone who won't allow us to be is not worth our time. I know that's a big sappy cliche, but I think we're a lot happier when we're being ourselves.

Except maybe if we have a career in acting, of course.