How to get on with Neurotypicals

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^I think you hit the nail on the head. When I was aged 4-17 we lived in the suburbs. It was the 1970s and 80s so people were more friendly, but still there were snobby people who didn't talk to us.

But aged 17 we moved to a town. People were MUCH more friendly and open-minded.

What is a neurotupical?

me

What he means is, a Neurotypical is someone who doesn't have autism.

What Does It Mean to Be Neurotypical? https://www.healthline.com/health/neurotypical

Somebody without autism + No other serious disorder?

I don't know but you can't just say 'me' because that didn't answer SarahBea's question I tried to answer her question

I've found another way to get on with them, or people in general.

Not sure how to explain it, but the mistake I make is to disagree with WHAT the person is saying- their concern or argument.

When what I should be doing is seeing WHO is saying the thing and altering my approach according to if the person is a friend or an acquaintance or enemy!

Does that make sense?

The art of compromise? NTs make an art of compromising and put on a smile in the face of somebody who is disagreeable for the purpose of getting on.

Do they???? All I've noticed is a confused stare and a disappearance. Or comments of 'you're weird' 'you're strange' 'you're odd.' Very rude. Things I wouldn't dream of saying to people.

What I mean is, prioritising who the person is, instead of the subject matter. i.e. not disagreeing strongly with someone who is a friend, but it doesn't matter if I disagree strongly with someone who isn't a friend.

Friends will take things personally, I don't care if non-friends do.

Oh I think it requires some level of mutual compromise. On a sliding scale the person you are most likely to "get on" with is your identical twin. From there the probability falls away due to individual differences.

There was an episode of Seinfeld where Jerry came close to getting married to a woman and he was completely confused since he swore to himself he would never get married. The joke was that this person was his female twin who mirrored his personality identically (e.g. he loves himself > anyone else).

But on a serious note we are always quite different to the NT people we are friends with. But there is something there that keeps the friendship going and that something > whatever makes us different

That's the thing isn't it 'mutual compromise.' I don't notice any of that. I notice people getting on well with me then 'something' happens and bam! They disappear and that's the end of that relationship. I am mystified why they've suddenly disappeared. I've given up chasing after them now.

I think maybe you're more likely to get on with someone who complements you a bit i.e. if you're a bit shy, you need a friend who is a bit less shy and takes you out of yourself.

I'm not sure. But I do know I haven't made any friends where I live and it's very tiring and boring to be stuck like this. Roll on 2024!

Yes this could be due to a balance tipping point over something trivial to one party but overly important to another. My daughter's best friend of several years became her moral enemy overnight. Why? during one of the regular fights my daughter got into in her highschool she pickup up a marking pen and threw it at one of the girls. It ricocheted and hit her friend in the eye. My daughter's friend was hurt and her mother had to get her checked up. She chose not to tell my daughter immediately. The next day she told my daughter that she never wanted to talk to her again. My daughter never saw that coming. Eventually she sided with her enemies and now bullies her. One day she told my daughter what happened, My daughter tried to apologise but it was too late. She said one day she may choose to forgive her but for now she hated her.

Petty? these are teenage girls. I keep telling my daughter that this NT female was never your friend if all it took for her to become a b***tch is an accident.

Yes, I reckon these people weren't my friends if it only takes some mysterious thing e.g. a careless comment, to tip them into dumping me.

I hope your daughter is okay, as a teenage girl I saw lots of things like that happening.

And believe me, LOTS of women never grow out of that emotional state. When I used to take my daughter to primary school, among the mothers there was lots of bltchlness and different factions, and excluding people sometimes, whispering behind hands etc. Pathetic. Grow up!

My daughter is frustrated and she is now avoiding going to school on Fridays because some of her bullies are in her sports training on that day (including her ex-friend), We accommodate her, we want her to be happy. I've tried telling my daughter you won't be seeing these girls after the end of the year ever again. She still feels hurt, Nothing we can do.

As for careless comments. NTs can be overly sensitive. I had a boss who absolutely loved me, she showered me with praise and was getting me ready for a promotion. One day after a few drinks on Friday I blurted something stupid which (I believe) she took offense. Within a few months after that incident I was in an unfair dismissal case, I chose not to contest because I knew I wouldn't win.

Yes, do what you need to do to keep your daughter happy. School is a TINY part of life, the rest of it is much more important. Both myself and my daughter discovered that once we left school, some of the nasty students had a bit of a wake up call about the real world and started being nicer to us.

Careless comments! Yes. Tell me about NTs' oversensitivity! They tell me I'm very blunt and tactless. But guess what? This is me being tactful and censoring myself!

If they want me to say what I'm REALLY thinking, okay then I will. Brace yourselves!

After teaching a certain age, I stopped trying so hard to mask or compromise to get on with NTs. Anyone I have to do this for isn't likely to become a real friend anyway. It's much better to let them see the real me. If they can deal that, then maybe there can be a further connection.