So who has (AS) mastered social skills?

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Yeah, it's easy to learn information. But to engrain it in your personality, that's not so easy. I've met people who are very good socially, but don't really know why. It's all intuitive to them. I know enough information to understand why, but am not able to reproduce the results.

I know enough to function but not enough to thrive.

i know quite alot i'm not an expert but most people dont see me as unlikeable.

I've done pretty well, by deconstructing situations and coming up with 'by-the-numbers' work-arounds. Lots of people appreciate someone who is quiet, sincere, and considerate.

Some people also enjoy my weird sense of humor, and every few years someone understands my associational jumps, and they become a real friend.

I don't do small talk. I tell people I'm allergic to it. And it's really hard to stay in a conversation in a group. But one-on-one I do fine. And I care about my friends, so I really am interested in meaningful things in their lives, so they find it easier to confide in me instead of talking about fashion or something stupid like that.

I have pretty strict rules about turn-taking, asking them questions, talking about their interests, not monopolizing, etc.

Oh, that was what I started off wanting to post. Seeing NTs socialize reminds me that it comes naturally to them, it's an IFM blackbox, so they don't evaluate what they're doing very much, and are often worse at it than I am.

I envy the people with AS who have nearly mastered social skills. I honestly try really hard to at least look normal albeit being absolutely friendless with an except of one friend that I depend on too much. Practice makes perfect, but my anxiety prevents me from doing so. What a trap I'm in.

Mapler: Are you in a social skills program? Have you done any Cognitive Behavioral Therapy?

I built skills 'brick by brick', and unfortunately I had to figure it out by myself most of the time. A program can really help. It probably won't make sense at times, because NTs are a little deranged <grin>, but eventually it works.

I tried, but failed. xD

I really don't know what other people think about me so it's hard for me to tell how I'm doing social skills wise. That's partially because I rarely successfully get into a conversation with anyone else. And that's not a question I could ask in a socially appropriate way, either.

Feeling isolated while living at a college? I think that indicates I'm doing poorly, so no, I haven't mastered it. I don't think I'm disliked, I just don't seem to have any ability to get people to gravitate towards me.

Try as I might it just isn't natural to me.

I don't think I have mastered social skills, but...

Today at work, while I was teaching class, I admitted to a class full of very nervous trainees that I am terrified of talking in front of groups or interacting with customers, and that I'm not usually very good with dealing with people.

Several people said they disagreed, they thought I seemed natural, and I just figured they were being nice and shrugged their comments off. But one very NT girl in particular actually got mad, and called me a liar - I thought she was joking at first, but it took me a moment to realize she was quite serious that she thought I was for some unspecified reason making it up that I was uncomfortable with crowds and people.

I guess I was doing something right, and seemed to be calm and collected enough to at least fool a few "normal" people. The trainees were all strangers to me, though, so who knows what their opinions would be, after they've known me for a while.

I have pretty much. I can make eye-contact but I get sorta embarassed when i do so. I can make small talk. I unfrequently say the wrong thing and I notice when I do so.

I have mastered the art of surrounding myself with other people who have awful social skills, and when in "public" where I am supposed to be good...I keep my mouth shut or hide...

Sometimes are better than others...

I'm much better at social situations than I used to be. If fact, I'm quite good-if I do say so myself.

But sometimes I still tend to talk too much. Or somebody will ask me for an apology-I refuse to give one because nothing I said was wrong. But for the most part I'm way better off than I was even five or six years ago!

I do reasonably well in social situations, but no matter how good I get, I'll always consider myself a student in social skills school.

I have, at one point, developed a social strategy, where, instead of pretending to be normal, I used my strange qualities to appear always on top of the social order. It was about not playing their game, but rather encouraging them to play my game.

I based it on the 'rule, follow, or get out of the way' trilemma, as I could not effectively follow, and getting out of the way was not an option, only 'rule' was an option, and, during that period, I have always tried to dominate all my conversations. I had nothing to lose, and it worked.

At one point I relaxed and lost the approach, I'm still struggling to regain it.

I like to think I do a decent job of faking it, but I don't make friends easily and strangers think I'm being rude when I intend to be nice, so perhaps I'm not as good as I think. People mainly tell me to smile more. Perhaps NTs base communication of hours of continual smiling.

I'm HFA and while I would really, really love to be NT I always have to keep trying harder. But I can share some tips (my boyfriend didn't know I had a condition until I told him a few months ago, and nobody in my school knows, probably because I smile a lot). It's like people with HIV always have to keep taking their antiviral meds.

One good idea is associating yourself with 'preppy' and 'jock' folks (if you're still in college) as well as the frat/sorority type of straight-A student, instead of socializing with Goths, punks and hippies. Don't allow yourself to slack at anything either. I know that I'm setting a bad example by slacking on the internet, but I'm going to follow my own advice in a few minutes and get off the computer. Also, if you're in school, try working at the cafeteria, bookstore, tour guiding, student government and the like. If you like exercise, try a team sport rather than a solo sport like cross country. Avoid working at the computer lab unless that's really going to help your career.

Try wearing different clothes if you find yourself stuck with the 'goth crowd'. Look at what the preps are wearing and emulate them, but add a little more class (like capris instead of Daisy Dukes). You can meet a lot of the smarter preps at school mixers, economics and biology/chemistry classes, and by going to parties held by 'successful geek / prep frats' like Golden Key and Phi Beta Kappa. Good luck....