Aspie meltdowns

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I realise that when I have a meltdown, I behave like a brat. I had a meltdown just 10 days ago and I was appalling. What came out of my mouth was very crude and I think I do that to shock the listener - who happens to always be my other half, M. I think I feel safe to aim it at M because I think he accepts me but how much can a guy take?

I do make efforts to avoid a meltdown by physically removing myself from the situation annoying me but it doesn't always work.

You bet it does man! My sister says some of the most horrid things to me sometimes, and even though half of those things aren't true, I still tend to keep them in my head and they eat at me and make it hard for me to focus on the positive things in life. Also, not long ago my sister was pouring water on my head every time I said something; this was ice-cold water right out of her bottle, trickling down my scalp. I threw my fist at her and proceeded to shout at her, including the f word, which I never seem to use unless I'm really steamed.

Don't get me wrong though! I'm not a woman beater or anything like that, but my sister seems to be the only one who can get under my skin with the things she says. She can be a very difficult sibling to have...

Well, kind of the same way that religious terrorists who kill people can't really expect anyone to be impressed with how peaceful loving and perfect their religion is, I don't think that "meltdowns" do much to help any of us--they generally only serve to further alienate people.

My meltdowns? Oh, you don't want to be around for any of them.

Hell, even I don't want to be around for them.

It only happens maybe once or twice a year anymore (because I've invested a helluva lot of time and energy into studying them and how to avoid them altogether, much less abort them when they flare)...but...let's just say that they are verbally and psychologically violent and unrelenting to the point of being thisclosetophysicalviolenceaswell....and by physical violence I mean some pretty harsh acting-out. No one and no-thing is worth going to jail for, so I've never crossed the line, though I've come close...which is what led me to start working on curbing them altogether lest some day I lose it. Whenever I get that feeling of everything tunneling in on me, my blood pressure skyrocketing, and literally being unable to see/think/hear/speak straight, I know that I have let it get too far already and that I should have stepped away long before that point.

Anyhow...learn to recognize the things/people/situations that set you off, maybe try and figure out why (so that you can fix the "why" if at all possible), and then learn the warning signs that you can feel/notice even before other people do, and develop a strategy for removing yourself from the precipitating circumstance. It gets easier with every "round" that you go with yourself, though sometimes it's still a b***h. Hope this helps!

First I get really irritable, then overly defensive and tend to lash out at anyone around me--like a temper tantrum. Yelling ensues. After a while I break down and cry like a baby. Seriously, with the snotworks going and everything. Tears and snot get everywhere, it's really gross. Usually I'm resting in the fetal position, only upright, on my knees and elbows, with my head between my hands covering my ears. I hyperventilate for a while, then I start to calm down and usually fall asleep exhausted about twenty minutes later, if not less.

These days I just sit there, stimming, for a long time. I also tic if I'm really stressed. As a child I used to yell and be violent and break things, but now I'm more likely to cry out of frustration.

This definitely seems to all fit what I've experienced in the past. My meltdowns start and stop as:

1. SOMETHING happens, SOMETHING changes
2. Usually by this time, I have become so overwhelmed by this new type of situation, I am sensory bombarded.
3. I get irritable, sometimes make it difficult for myself to express myself, and even lose the real meaning behind the meltdown.
4. Someone says something that I don't like.
5. I then proceed to pick them apart.
6. I do this to practically anyone else during the entire day.
7. Me in this meltdown mode isn't good for computer work or any work period. I think I make more mistakes at this point. Some that can be quite humiliating that I wouldn't normally make.
8. If it gets to this point, I'm probably kicking and screaming and not making a lick of sense. I don't usually intend to act childish, but I guess I'm pretty impulsive. I just need to be left alone to process whatever it was that bothered me in the first place. Sometimes this can take weeks though.

I kicked a wall at school in 2007 and I ended up breaking my toe it was because a gang of girls were picking on me and I didn't know what to do with myself, so I kicked the wall and screamed "f**k OFFFF!! !! !! !! !! !! !!" and my hands were shaking.
You don't want to see me when I'm angry, not physically violent but still aggressive.

I destroy everything I can see, and after that I hide myself in the bathroom for half an hour or something.

When I have a meltdown, I just break down, and I cry.

One of my friends called it a temper tantrum, and she was asking me questions, about every little action that I've made, during the meltdown, until I had another meltdown on the phone, saying "No more questions, please, no more!"

She came over to my apartment and apologized.

Usually my meltdowns are triggered by anger. I get angry when I start thinking deeply about me being the only one with AS in the family. Also if I get criticised by a family member it can set me off (depends on what they're criticising about). When I have a meltdown I do not touch any objects or other people. I only hit myself in the face shouting how much I hate my brain for being wired this ugly way, and that everyone else's brain is normal, and so on. It's a horrible state to be in, and it upsets all my family emotionally. Sometimes my dad has come home from work to find my mum crying, and he always knows why before even having to ask.

Once my mum was upset about something what had nothing to do with me, and when she told my brother that she was upset, he looked straight at me. But I just sat up straight and smiled, because I knew it was nothing to do with me. My mum told him what was wrong, and I could tell he looked relieved (aswell as sympathetic of course) that I hadn't caused an atmosphere.

Oh - another thing I wanted to say about meltdowns is my relatives have to not tell me things in order to avoid a meltdown.
But sometimes NTs think they're doing themselves a favour by not telling me, but are actually makng the matter worse. Take this for example:-
Say for example someone had a tummy bug and I went round their house for a cup of tea, and instead of saying, ''I'm not feeling well, do you mind if you don't come in?'' (because that would NOT cause me to have a meltdown) they will invite me in but not tell me at all about their tummy bug because of the fear of me melting down, because they know I don't like tummy bugs. But they don't realise it will encourage me to have a meltdown more so, because if I found out that person had a tummy bug later that day. it will throw me into a meltdown. If they just said to me at the door that they are ill, I will have a choice then. I could either say, ''I will come in for a little while,'' or, ''OK, thanks for telling me. See you later,'' and go back home without any fuss.
Inviting me in without telling me that they have been throwing up all day is a very silly thing to do, because they will have to cover up one lie with another. If I asked them if they have been at work today and they said no, I will ask why, and they will have to think of a lie fast, and say they've just had a headache or something. Then if I asked why the place smelt of illness or something, they will have to make another lie, and if I saw a sick bucket they will have to concoct another lie..... Wouldn't it be easier to just tell me there and then at the door? Then they've saved everyone from having to suffer a large panic attack later on, and also they've saved the bug being passed on to other people, and also they were honest and then I'd know better to avoid them until they are better, and the matter has been dealt with without any fuss or disrespect.

NTs are pretty stupid really.

I've had meltdowns in the past, but it hasn't happened since I started to apply logic to emotion.

First I learn about the physiological function of emotions i.e. what parts of the brain light up and what functions they carry out and what substances (dopamine, serotonin, adrenaline) are made in the brain when this happens, and the basic overall purpose of the emotion. For example, anger and stress are for the "fight-or-flight" response. If I'm feeling stressed or angry I remind myself of that and ask whether I'm in a situation where that kind of response might be needed. If no(and so far it's always been "no" I can actually turn the emotion off.

This has been done before. The Stoics famously believed in using logic to extinguish destructive emotions. Stoicism is the key to happiness.

Society doesn't consider this kind of teaching necessary, because most people learn to regulate their emotions by subconscious absorption of skills through social instinct. Since society is imperfect this is haphazard but of course society doesn't recognize this probelm. Everyone would benefit from learning the actual physical purposes of emotions and how to use logical thought processes to turn them off.

i do a similar thing. i never thought about it that way but it's true. one of the first things that happens is i quit being able to sort people out at all and the ensuing distrust spirals very badly. this can go on for awhile if i don't remove myself from circumstances.

heavy bag
running
alone time (restroom break, cigarette, etc.)

stoicism *is* the key. I get sensory overload though and then I need to excuse myself in order to get it together. but I've eliminated emotional reactivity with the exception of feeling controlled by others - that one still triggers me and I have to punch or run to get it out. I just try to keep it inside until I can get home and release it constructively.

for me it is all about identifying the feelings and reacting to them logically. I can't change the emotions but I can change how I react to them.