Sick of being a billy no mates

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not exactly in my case I'm both, and, because (A) I have very few friends and (B)I'm a very social personality type but I spend pretty much all my weekends at home alone because all my friends do things(ie go to movies, go out for drinks) and I can't afford to go with them. I would much rather have very few friends ("billy no mates") but still have the means to go out with them than have few friends and have to constantly turn down the offer to do something with them ("billy no mates" and "mary shut-in").

It seems so unfair that unlike severely autistic people, Aspergians want so much to be accepted and have friends yet many, like me, find it an impossible task. What is life and its experiences if there is nobody to share it with? Nobody seems to understand or appreciate how I see things. I'm around people everyday yet I feel very isolated. I keep imagining that Sam Beckett (from Quantum Leap TV show) would leap into my body and sort my friggin life out. It's starting to get a little creepy that I'm talking to a guy that isn't actually there called Al.

I'm a very lonely person. I don't have any friends at all. I've had a group of friends in the past who at first I liked very much but in time they learned that I was easily manipulated and they just used my friendship for their own gains. I was that desperate and worried that they would do what my previous group of friends did and ditch me, that I would lend them money and give them lifts in my car as none of the drove. Eventually I got some backbone and realized they were just using me and it ended badly.

That was years ago and I have yet to make any other friends. I seriously struggle in social situations. It seems the harder I try to make friends the more depressed I get about it as my efforts never work. I've heard it's good to ask questions to make conversation but from recent experience this just seems to irritate people. I have been asking them about things they are familiar with and not some random topic or things I only like.

I find eye contact very hard. I find it threatening and perceive that other people find the way I look at them when I do force it as being hostile. I have been told that I show virtually no expression when I talk with either my face or body so I think people find it as hard to judge my intentions as I do judging theirs. I constantly worry about what people think of me.

I've never had a girlfriend either and at 27 now I can't see a future where I might ever get one. I'd like to meet someone very much. I'm not even that interested in sex. Well, I am but it's far from my first thought with a girl. I haven't experienced it yet.

It seems so unfair that unlike severely autistic people, Aspergians want so much to be accepted and have friends yet many, like me, find it an impossible task. What is life and its experiences if there is nobody to share it with? Nobody seems to understand or appreciate how I see things. I'm around people everyday yet I feel very isolated. I keep imagining that Sam Beckett (from Quantum Leap TV show) would leap into my body and sort my friggin life out. It's starting to get a little creepy that I'm talking to a guy that isn't actually there called Al.