But I'm the only who they dislike!

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It's not even COMICAL to watch these guys trying to get at me. It's just sad and bothersome; it's obvious that I'm trying to get away from them when they approach me.

I couldn't have put it better myself:



I've been in this situation on two occasions in the past few years. In the first instance, it was my behaviour when drunk that freaked out a girl in my class so much that she told a mutual friend not to invite me to a leavers' party she threw at the end of that year. I didn't do anything obnoxious or make any advances towards anyone that St. Patrick's day when I got drunk at midday before everyone else did, but her brother recounted that he'd thought I was on drugs. Following that revelation, I no longer drink to excess.

Then a similar thing happened with a guy I fancied. To cut a long story short, when I developed this crush on him, it became obsessive in a short space of time and I started hanging around his group of friends. He was friendly to me initially, and I actually befriended a couple of people in that group. But it was really only my desire to get closer to this guy, or at least to be around him should a friendship fail to develop, that motivated me to befriend these other people, who I thought were ok, but not a big deal. Anyway, I started tagging along with them all the time, and at the same time, I began to clam up when he was around. Having known me for a year or so prior to this development, I think this guy recognised that my typical behaviour is not clingy or that uptight, and that he was the cause. His inflated ego probably aided the speed of his arrival at that conclusion.

It may be that the majority of the people I come into contact with don't like me, but these are the only occasions that it's transpired to me, in the case of that guy when he rejected my friend request on Facebook and left me out of conversations. Both of the people I've talked about in this post managed to be superficially friendly to me - the girl for the duration of our acquaintance, and the guy up till a point when he was seeing a lot more of me and fewer people were around, which meant there was more one-to-one contact. It worked in his favour that the remaining members of the group worshipped the ground he walked on regardless of anything he did or said; in the early days, I think he may have refrained from being mean to me partly because he thought one person (who subsequently quit the course) might disapprove. It may be that there were indications of discomfort and disdain in these people's behaviour towards me, but that they were too subtle for me to pick up on.

This girl has invited me to subsequent events, which suggests that she was trying to save face, trying to ease her conscience, or that she had actually changed her opinion of me. Whatever her reasons, I don't think either she or this guy was a truly nice person, and that the narrow-minded and conceited elements in their personalities partly account for their actions.

To the OP: If it isn't in these situations that you think people take dislikes to you, then maybe it's something non-verbal like eye contact or invasion of personal space. I've heard that this can be an issue with Aspies and it continues to be an issue for me on occasion. It may be something you've already considered. Of course I don't know, and I hope you don't feel patronized by the suggestion.

I think this might have something to do with being unusual. Some people will be nice to anyone who fits in with their idea of "normal". I am not trying to call anyone here abnormal (although I think being different is a good thing!) but Aspies generally think and act differently to the majority of the NT population.

I've met people like that as well before, and I think it's because 'different' people like me can put people out of their comfort zone, no matter how nice everyone says they are. They don't know how to react, so they react badly.

I find that I am liked by a lot of people in one place and then disliked by most people in another place. I think it has something to do with understanding and ease between people.

Of course, there is the possibility that this person is just superficially nice, following the social norms, rules and expectations to the point that they are perceived as extremely nice by people who also know these rules. However, when they meet someone who may not necessarily know or follow these rules, there is no "niceness" beneath the surface for them to use.

I've found the best way to deal with people like that is to stop caring and stop trying to be extra-nice back to them. You cannot force someone to like you, and it can actually be very irritating to them if you keep trying.

The people that I stopped caring about were actually a lot more pleasant to me afterwards!

I have an interesting story that happened to me this evening, that drives your comment home. It has to do with a friend, that I thought I would be estranged from forever due to the events of our friendship.

About 20 years ago, my family took this young man in and helped raise him, due to his crappy homelife. It was one of the first friendships in my life and due the nature of my AS, I became obesessed with him. His situation became so bad that the State removed him from his mother's home and he went to live with other family. His life took off from there and he became somewhat successful. After he moved away, I tried to contact him a number of times, but was often rebuffed, many times tersely in rekidnling the friendship. He was always congenial when I ran into him. Part of this behavior had to do with the on and off obsession that I had with him, which in many ways was due to admiration.

A couple of years ago, after the flood hit our community, I forgot about him and started obsessing with another childhood friend. I also became a lot more busy in my community, so I didn't have the time to worry. I had basically wrote friendship with him off. Strangely enough, my flood volunteering and activism put me in touch with his aunt. She finally sent me his Facebook page, and I made a friend request. He accepted the Facebook request this evening.

Just goes to show Lene that what you said is very true. The moment you just kind of live and let live, and not try to push things or be overly nice, people have a tendency to come around.

I don't understand this either.

I had the opportunity to watch my (now ex) husband interact with his friends and was blown away by the sort of behavior they accepted from each other. Lying, cheating, stealing, betraying...and then hanging out like nothing happened a few days later. Contrast to me, where if someone backstabs me I am d.o.n.e. People always know where they stand with me. Which way is more sane? Really!