Feel like I can't win with NTs...a bad experience at a party

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that's genius. I could have never thought of that.

What I wrote was entirely correct. It is unfortunate that you misunderstood it.

If someone grabbed my arm forcefully, I'd slap the s**t out of them.





Who the hell does that, anyway?

THAT woman would not have gotten me onto the dance floor - in fact, she would be risking violence with that kind of behaviour.

I did have someone wheedle me into dancing not too long ago, tho. It's hard to adamantly refuse an elegant, beautiful woman who is practically begging you to dance with her, especially when it is someone you know and genuinely like. First time I've risked public embarrassment by dancing in at least 25 years. My bf almost fell over when he saw me dancing - he knows that I actively avoid doing anything that might draw attention to myself. The biggest surprise - I actually enjoyed it!

I, personally, would not have minded that woman's actions too much, but that's largely because I took dance classes and can generally handle impromptu dancing. The class taught simple moves I now use to dance to music. Knowing swing, ironically, helps. If you're familiar with music theory, it plays in 4/4 time, and so do a lot of popular songs. Therefore, knowing how to "follow the beat" (a concept completely foreign to me until I took a dance class) in swing will help you do the same for hip-hop, top 40, adult contemporary, etc. The moves will be completely different, obviously, but you can l learn them and go from there. In the end, you will be able to at least tolerate when someone drags you onto the dance floor.

If you're really dead-set against it for reasons other than not knowing how to dance, you can use the "I feel nauseous, and dancing will only make it worse" excuse. Trust me, no one wants to make a nauseous person feel worse, especially not at a party, so use this for your own personal benefit. Still, this thread goes to show you how NTs end up being the ones who lack empathy.

Sometimes i wonder if a T-shirt with these words would sell well on WP:

This has happened to me on a number of occasions. Well at least it used to, until i perfected my 'withering look'.
I've been diagnosed AS since eleven years old, and have no fear of hiding it or not telling people. People generally dont ask me to dance, unless they know me, or i want them to. Any such drunken idiots who grab me in error get the look, which could send a cold breeze over the arctic tundras, until they withdraw themselves. If they proceed to pull me toward to dancefloor, I tell them straight, that i would rather chew my own liver, than play johnny two step with some bint dressed up like a meringue, wedding or no wedding.
Sorry to cut it up rough, but, they're your feelings, you have to take care of them, no one else will

Haha, reading this brought memories. This type of thing happened to me a number of times. Some things I do now:

* Smile and say "maybe later"
* Don't move - so when the person pulls my elbow, they fail
* Don't set up this kind of situation in the first place - maintain "borderline acceptable social behavior" by using alcohol for "frown control". We all look so serious because to us, this is an excruciating job, a role we play at these events. Alcohol helps to broach clique-y circles and participate in conversation, so you aren't open to these "elbow grabbing dance predators".
* BE THE CAMERAMAN. Bring a video camera and film people dancing. You will find that people will bug you far less in general.



This is a very accurate way to describe what happens. People mistake shyness ("oh I can dance, I am just self-conscious about it") with an actual problem ("I can't dance, really CAN'T, because my brain breaks up all the moves into patterns and renders me incapable of spontaneous movement").



This photo is from years ago when someone grabbed me like the OP, and I was thinking how socially acceptable it would be for me to put them in a joint lock.

I'd buy one.