MARRIAGE SUCKS

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http://www.nomarriage.com

Hi Dannie

What you say makes total sense, at very least on an emotional level.
I thought like you thought about marriage until I was about 31 years old, and met the first man (unofficially AS like me) I really deep down believed that I could marry, and by now we have been married for 1 year.

I thought that because all I had were bad examples from my parents (also unofficially AS), I was ruined for living with anyone ever. My husband could have thought the same thing, because he comes from a "dysfunctional family" too. But as he keeps reminding me, WE ARE NOT THEM, we are us and we have to make our own choices and our own efforts at making OUR relationship work.

And we fight and all that. But we love each other and we can't stand the thought of losing each other, and we always make up. I think we have even learned to make up faster (I mean stay mad for less time) as we have lived together.

I don't remember seeing if you said anything about beliefs, but it helps if you have the same worldview with your spouse and you can even pray together. Because not everything is possible with just our own efforts... It's a complicated and overwhelming world out there and at 33 I am still not feeling ready to face it as an adult. Not alone, anyway.

(Oh, I have to go teach now. But that was basically all I have to say...)
Please don't lose hope, because there are a lot more possibilities out there than what you (or I or anybody) have experienced.

take care,

The majority of marriages today don't work out because most ppl either don't marry for true love any more or they just marry "the best they can get" ATM. I'm not making a mistake... I'm marrying a girl I actually love and that loves me back.

I'm not saying that marriage is a mistake, but I do think that ppl should consider future consequences and/or get to know their partner before making a big commitment like that.

Yeah, and as AS people we may have some advantage in that department: we might be more upfront about who we are, even if that's just because we don't know how to hide it well. Also, we might be more timid to get involved in the first place, and ask more questions, so we may know each other more before getting involved. etc. etc.

Not a 100% rule, but I think it happens that way a lot, from what I have heard.

And some stuff you can never predict, like that your parents will get divorced the same summer you get married (OK in my family I was expecting it for 15 years but never really thought it would happen) and real life will mix up your plans, but if you really care about each other and are committed to each other, you will find a way to work things out. You just will, because you have to. That's not a bad thing, it's a real thing.