How many bridges have you burned?

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I can never seem to keep a friendship or a love relationship alive. I always seem to kill it, or to much distance destroys it. I burn a lot of bridges and I destroy a lot of friendships.
I am begin to wonders sometimes if I shouldn't try any more.

I burned a bridge with an NT friend that I kind of liked yesterday. I'm not sure how I did that but I've burned so many bridges in my life I should be in the arson hall of fame I burned a bridge almost every single time I tried coming on to a girl. The one time I was in a relationship; I thoroughly torched it. I burned lots of friendships to over the years but I never had many friends anyways & we weren't super close so that doesn't worry me so much. I should avoid romantic relationships because I will set the bridge on fire by just going near it

I don't even have any bridges to burn.

I've burned more bridges than I probably should have. It seems to be a common, generally unspoken reality of life with Asperger's and other autism-spectrum conditions.

That said, some people who leave you for good are doing you a favor. I lost my then-best friend in May simply because I stood up for myself and refused to let said friend ridicule me. Now I have better friends and a lot more self-respect.


Cheers,

TH

there was a time in my 20s when the art-social scene i was in caused me to be around people a lot, & it was easy to have friends; i didn't have to work at it.

now i'm settled down, & have lost touch with many of them. "friending" them in facebook has put me in touch again with some, but unfortunately i find i don't have much to say if i'm not seeing them regularly. i don't know what their lives are like...

my wife still has her friends from high school. i envy her her ability to connect, but i don't feel the lack myself. i just feel a little guilty for having no reason to continue.

m.

'raises hand'
I'm a bridge burner too. Somehow I never learned how to forgive and forget. Probably because there wasn't a how-to manual at hand.

I tend to burn them before they can even be formed. Seems to save me a lot of trouble.

Sounds a little like my story. I've burned bridges because I didn't know how to stand up for myself at the time, so to retaliate I gave them the silent treatment for months, which turned into years when I realized I was better off without them in my life. Like you, I had a buddy that liked to put me down "in jest" as he put it. I put him down a little and it ugly. When I called him on his hypocrisy, that was the last time we spoke. Good riddance to the ***hole.

I disappear before the fire starts but most people stubbornly won't try to cross it again. I'm usually okay with that. I guess what I mean is I don't cut my bridges off completely but it's pretty close to the same effect of not having a bridge at all when the person is upset with me for vanishing.

Like my grandmother is a bitter old drunk. I love her but I can't be around her at all (Haven't seen or talked to her in over a year). Better to have good memories of her I think that to destroy what's left by trying to be around her. If she stopped being so drunk and bitter I'd gladly speak with her again.

I also have a recent previous friend of mine who I disappeared from. I didn't know I was an aspie at the time and didn't know how to defend myself against certain accusations. We were good friends for maybe 4 years... I felt we were like brothers but I couldn't stand being falsely accused so I gave up. Honestly I'd still like to be friends with him but this has happened like two other times so I think he'd be fairly reluctant to trying to be friends again. Even if he wanted to be friends again I don't think I'd ever feel as close anymore

Aside from those two vacant bridges I've vacated them all with everybody cept my Mom, Dad, therapist and a current friend of mine. I hope those bridges stay

I have 0 friends.

I love what you said there.

I've had a couple real friends, I definitely had them in High School, but that was a long time ago. I've been friends with one dude about 10 years or so.

But, relationships come and go, and I'm in an irritatingly horrid slump right. I also started good relationships post- High School that could've blossomed into something great, but then I screwed myself over. However, burned bridges are in the past, I have to get over them and move on.

As to Kiwigoddesses words of wisdom, my only problem with having temporary relationships is that I spend too much time alone with my thoughts, and they're usually not all that pleasant.

i've fallen out with a few friends and avoided them for sometime. New Nt friends tend to feel and behave threatened by me i guess because they dont understand Aspergers and then unknowingly do something that upsets me.

i've got a few online friends and some RL friends. i dont really know what to expect in a friendship. Any ideas on what you can expect from a 'really good mate'?

I never understood that expression so I cannot say.

Actually, I can only think of a few bridges that I have totally burned. It seems more like I have "damaged" bridges with people. The people do not necessary dislike me, but for some reason, find a way to tune me out.

"A really good mate" is a friend that you like to hang out with and share interests.
Im not sure how to judge whether hanging out with certain mates is worth it?

This is a serious problem for me. If I could, I would ignore just about everybody until they disappeared. If someone drifts away from me, I find it almost impossible to reconnect, and for reasons unclear to me, I avoid them.




Spinning plates is a perfect metaphor for life, to me. If I let my relationship with a person stop spinning and fall to the ground, I never pick it back and spin it again. Its all too overwhelming.