Why is being "weird" so bad?

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I wanted to offer something more practical to everyone, here just something to think about.

It could certainly be fear, but its also that people, including myself, avoid situations that make them uncomfortable. I myself have been known to do that. I've avoided people I thought were weirder then me before I was aware of how weird I was.

I suppose it could be many things. I have a theory which I call "the superiority factor" as NTs seem to think that greater social skills seem to make them better than those who have lesser social skills. Here it is:

NTs are naturally social people so they appreciate other social beings and those who are less informed about behavioral and mental disorders can feel uncomfortable around those who they don't feel are as social and to pacify themselves classify the comparatively anti-social people as weird. As social skills are highly valued in their way of thinking, people who possess higher social skills are more highly regarded. Obviously less social people are regarded with relative disdain. People who are not overtly less social but give off a "slightly off" social signal such as someone with an asd are normally accepted but classified as a bit strange or weird which allows NTs to feel a bit superior as they know that the asd person is "slightly off" somehow and a lower ranked person in their social hierarchy. If that asd person is actually superior to them in terms of intelligence, achievement or even looks and does not defer to them, the NT may feel quite threatened (as this less social being is better than them and higher than them on life's hierarchy) and emphasize their "weirdness" and how it is "abnormal" and "wrong" as a way to make the NT superior to the asd and reinforce the NT's self esteem. The NT will not hesitate to use their "superior social skills" to ensure it gains agreement with others and provide further leverage.

So basically NTs like feeling superior based on how they interact with others and like asserting their social superiority if someone who is too different from them makes them uncomfortable or if someone who is superior to them in a way other than social skills threatens their self esteem. NTs who overcome this, especially the ones who are also weird in some way, are the ones who accept us as we are.

I get scared of weird people aswell though.

Demonstrating that you, too, share in this basis quality of the human condition.

I said "can scare NTs" because, as I remember, the original querent was asking about why NTs act that way. Many, if not most, of us act that way, too. It's just not as noticeable because we're a smaller population and more spread out.

Being pro actively reassuring helps. Don't leave other people in the dark as to whether you are threatening or not, find ways to let them know that you aren't. Once people put you in the 'not harmful' box, then you can get on with things.

While being careful not to get put in the "so harmless we can exploit them all we want" box. It's a tricky balance.

Agreed. I think I should have pointed that out. Thanks Sparrowrose. It is tricky.

we criticize what we dont understand and/or accept. it sounds so stupid. but people want to be around people who are like them, some in more shallow, superficial ways than others. and i think we might finally not care about weirdness when we're 85 and just talking illogical crazy gibberish. lol. we wont know any better either way.

those who feared the weird did so because, deep in the cobwebby backpages of the collective mind, is an atavistic fear inheritance from the days of olde when the nights were cold and the communities of cavemen were colder to those who looked and acted differently and scared the children. the fear of the weird is at root a fear of association, and has to do with fear of becoming an outcast[e] oneself, when being an outcast[e] frequently meant slow starvation. the lone wolf [an outcast from the wolf pack] is, more often than not, a starving wolf. starvation is a universal fear, and so fear of the queer=fear of association with the weird=fear of starving to death via banishment from the tribe which was the main way to have a systematized supply of food as well as shelter from the elements and defense from vicious animals. just my jejune opinion.

I agree 100% with your jejune opinon. :)

I think also, when it comes to Asperger's, we have a bit of the "Uncanny Valley" effect. We're not just weird -- we're not weird ENOUGH. The Uncanny Valley (anyone who's never heard of it can look it up on Wikipedia) suggests that humans find things cute if they are fully human (say, little babies) or fully not human (say, Pokémon) but there's a valley of "weirdness" that vreeps most humans out when something (say, an animated Real Doll) is very close to human but just a little bit "off."

Now, obviously, we with Asperger's ARE fully human!! But others don't always percieve us that way because of our differences. I think sometimes we come across to others as being "just a little bit off" and that triggers an Uncanny Valley effect. To them we are obviously human, but there is that something "alien" about us that they can't put their finger on. (This is also why so many of us get that reaction when we reveal our Asperger's where we're told, "there's nothing wrong with you" but the other person then continues to get upset about things we do that we had *tried* t explain. Then we're told, "why do you keep doing X?" -- they don't understand the diagnosis because we look so "normal" but they don't understand why we're so "weird" at the same time that they keep swearing there's nothing wrong with us. It's because we're just that little bit "off" and most people don't know how to file that concept in their brains.)

So we get different reactions from people to that "little bit off" that they perceive . . . some get annoyed by it or angry about it and chastise us a lot. And some get an Uncanny Valley reaction to us and are afraid to interact with us or become bullies out of their fear.

The big question is what to do about it because, chances are, most of us don't see the parts of ourselves that are "off" and can only see the reactions others have to us and try to piece together the mystery. How do you change something if you don't know what "it" is that you want to change? I don't have any great words of wisdom. My own method for dealing with it has been to walk away from people who treat me badly and only seek to spend time among those who have a generous spirit toward my differences. So far it hasn't been a great solution because I currently don't have any friends at all, and a few acquaintances who don't treat me very well amd so I mostly try to avoid. And this method doesn't work very well with professors where choosing to drop their class can have personal penalties. And doesn't work at all with employers where the only choice is to suffer mistreatment quietly because stepping out of that frying pan leads directly to the fire.

Because people are in general slaves to the system. Anything that fits outside their little box of normalcy needs to be destroyed.

Weird is different. Different is scary.

It's difficult to interact with the unpredictable, unreadable, and sometimes incomprehensible; the outcome may not necessarily be pleasant.
"Weird" is a pretty vague term.

No, scary is scary. Weird can be delightful. (I know, you're just explaining how they think.)

I'm glad this thread was bumped, because I've been thinking about this. A friend of mine gets called weird sometimes, and I just don't see it. He's funny, he's witty, he's fun to talk to, he has normal interests, but people think he's weird sometimes. Then I had another buddy who people thought was weird, but he kinda was- just so awkward and he always had this rigid, serious look on his face, and he'd just stare sometimes. I overlooked it, because I can be the same way when I'm feeling unconfident. Point is, I think people need to be more specific. It's so lazy to call everything weird. But people are mostly shallow, spoiled morons, so what do I expect.

viva la weird

You know junk drawers, those things that nobody makes on purpose but we all end up with one. They might have batteries, flashlights, rubber bands, scissors, paper clips, key rings, and other odd junk that doesn't really go anywhere else. Weird is a junk drawer word. It is an all encompassing word label where you get put if you don't fit into any of the other more organized labels that people have for things. You're not exactly goth, or geek, or jock, or emo, or w/e. When you don't fit in any of the other labels, "weird" is where you end up.

This isn't the only word of this type either. "Magic" basically means any process that we don't understand well enough to explain. "Lots" means a number large enough number that I haven't bothered to actually count it. And, of course, "they" from the famous phrase, "That's what they say", meaning some unidentified person or group with enough authority to be believable, but not enough importance that one would remember their name. "Critter" is a southern word for some small to medium sized animal that we can't identify or isn't important enough to identify. I would argue that "smart" or "intelligent" in its common usage is such a word, because when people say it they really are only saying it with reference to themselves. Most individuals assume that they have normal intelligence so any other person that uses big words and/or appears to know more facts than they do gets the word "smart" attached to them. How about those old sports standbys "grit" and "intangibles". I like intangibles because the literal definition of the word means unmeasurable or unidentifiable, so people literally talk about something that they tacitly admit has no objective meaning.