Empathy and Asperger's. Is it possible? Please respond!

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Empathy is defined as the ability to recognize and interpret emotions in others. It doesn't mean you actually care.

I remain unconvinced that anyone is really capable of this idealized altruistic "empathy" so frequently referred to when discussing the deficiencies of AS. Only when it's convenient.

That being said, I do know that my capability of giving a s**t at all is sharply reduced, if not eliminated altogether, when I am feeling emotional distress, which is most of the time these days.

This could be a long story, I'll try to keep as simple and short as I possibly can. It seems as though I didn't succeed.

At this time I feel that I should explain the reason for posting the remark. It started off eons ago when someone remarked that I am sensitive to my own feelings but those of someone else.

Frequently I feel as though people would prefer to ignore me rather than get to know me. A few years ago I decided that I would try to empathize with them. I would try to put myself in their shoes so that I could be aware of their perception of me. The criteria that I used was based on my observations of NT behavior. Of course it is MY perception which just tells you that is a bit "nailed" up from start since I am not an NT.

It seems as though that whole thing has gotten out of hand. I spend too much evaluating, worrying if I put my foot in my mouth after speaking to someone.

The finally of my story is that I thought I was being treated by a good friend kind of like a small child. Example: A message on the Internet said something about we will have to set up a date of a telephone call. With lots of these ! !! !!. It annoyed the "excrement" out of me. It sounds condescending. My train of thought was:

1. K is a nice person-she wouldn't hurt my feelings deliberately
2. perhaps she is trying to avoid me
3. If she is trying to avoid me I must have done something bad
4. Ignorant me didn't know that you are supposed to leave one message not call every day until you get that person on the phone 5. Usually after I finally got to speak to her I just rambled on usually complaining about something
5. For many years I would go on and on about a very personal problem with someone that I now believe she didn't want to get involved with
6. There must have been a reason why I heard on the phone "You really don't want to go the wedding....do you?" which is said she doesn't remember saying. I believe that. Probably her husband told her he would prefer if I wasn't there.
7. Oh my God!! ! It seems as though I have destroyed the friendship.
The story continues with me sending a message concerning #7. I think I apologized. Received a reply that was strange. She was completely defensive as though I was accusing her of being mean to me. I remember it the other way around.

It seems as though my perception of absolutely everything was totally wrong. Here's another situation: I tried to be conscious of not making you feel bad for not being able to attend - and, I thought we had a good time discussing dresses and stuff. So, I am confused that you came away with that as a memory... I don't recall mentioning this in the note. I remember I enjoyed checking dresses on the Internet for her, and hearing tell me that she didn't have time to talk. No, I didn't say anything about this incident or about the telephone call bit with all the ! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!s.

Once again I am rambling on, and on, etc. My opinion is that if I didn't try to figure out how she perceived me I wouldn't have been worried that we were no longer friends, I wouldn't have sent that "half tuches" (tuches-Yiddish word) note saying that I destroyed the friendship and we would still be friends. I have sent a couple of other messages after that. One explaining the cause. Never got a reply.

Hope I didn't put anyone to sleep with my boring "_itching and moaning" story.

Any comments people? Do you find that the messages that get people angry get the most attention? I believe I have.

irene